Valuable Traits That Could Quickly Become Toxic
We've all heard about having too much of a good thing. In the right (or wrong) circumstances, even a healthy, necessary quality can go overboard — too much sunshine, too much water intake, too much exercise. What you might not realize, though, is that this same concept can apply to personality traits. With too much focus or emphasis, seemingly positive attributes can turn into toxic sinkholes of bad behavior.
Of course, most of us don't feel like the villain in our stories, and it can be hard to get perspective on our flaws. Even if you look for signs that you're a toxic person, they might be tough to spot — we naturally want to put a positive spin on our peccadillos. For instance, you might see yourself as honest rather than rude, or spontaneous rather than irresponsible. But sometimes even the best parts of your personality can cross a line and transform from strengths into weaknesses.
Excessive ambition can make you ruthless
Determined. Motivated. Goal-oriented. Driven. These are all traits that we love to brag about on a job application or resume, precisely because they're perceived as valuable. However, there can be a dark side to intense ambition, and that dark side is ruthlessness. Left unchecked, ambition can develop into tunnel vision — an "ends justify the means" mentality that victimizes people around you.
Depending on the circumstances, you might feel like this relentlessness is necessary. Maybe you work in a cutthroat industry or you feel like no one else is watching your back. But if you spend all your time stepping on other people to reach your goals, you could be giving into a callousness that will be hard to undo down the line. As Aristotle once wrote, rampant ambition is "among the most frequent causes of deliberate acts of injustice."
Worse yet, too much ambition can actually start to work against you. The need to succeed can spur you to make risky decisions, damage your ability to collaborate with a team, make you overly image-conscious, and put you on the road to burnout. Ambitious individuals may also fall prey to ever-moving goalposts — as soon as you reach one dream, you're already looking forward to the next. Hyperfixating in this way makes it impossible to enjoy your successes and growth along the way, so it's vital to balance your ambition with moments of gratitude and contentment.
Candor and honesty can quickly become brutal
They say that honesty is the best policy, and it's hard to find fault in that. Sugarcoating problems doesn't help solve them, and regularly lying to your friends, peers, and loved ones sure doesn't feel like a good idea. But it's possible to go too far in your crusade for transparency — namely, when your honesty starts to become needlessly hurtful.
When striving to be truthful, it's important to hold onto some basic manners and emotional intelligence. Otherwise, you aren't just being honest, anymore — you're being blunt, insensitive, and maybe even cruel. There are ways to be honest without being insulting, but you have to approach it conscientiously. There's also the fact that your idea of reality may not be objective. When you're speaking your truth, it's just that — your truth. Others may perceive things differently, so are you sure you're providing a factual opinion on the matter?
Finally, let's be real: Brutal honesty isn't always good for relationships, either. Your friends and significant others should represent a safe space where you can both be truthful without attacking each other. So how can you ensure that your honesty isn't going over the line? Temper it with empathy. Don't just blurt out criticisms and expect a thank you. Instead, strive to tell your truths in a helpful, loving way, keeping the other person's feelings in mind.
It's a short hop from organized and methodical to outright controlling
Modern life is often busy and hectic, so being detail-oriented and focused can be a big advantage. Staying organized may help you feel less stressed, manage your time better, and even improve your decision-making. With all these perks, it may be difficult to see a downside — after all, who wants more chaos in their day-to-day?
However, it's one thing to be methodical, and another to let your routines rule your life. Too much reliance on structure can quickly segue into a powerful need for control, putting stress on your relationships. As board-certified psychiatrist Dr. Sid Khurana tells Forbes, controlling individuals "often come across as rigid, believing their way is better than others, have a need to be praised, are critical of others' ideas, and have a hard time respecting boundaries." This need for perfect control can also contribute to spiraling anxiety when things go wrong.
Not sure if all this applies to you? It's certainly a fine line between organized and totally unbending, but there are signs you might have a controlling personality. Check your regular behavior and reactions. Do you have trouble getting past minor hiccups or inconveniences? Do you struggle to take suggestions or trust another person's judgment? Are problems always due to someone else's error? If so, it may be time to take a step back, do a little self-reflection, and practice letting other people take the wheel sometimes.
Optimism and spontaneity can lead to irresponsible behavior
At the opposite end of the spectrum from controlling, methodical personalities are free-wheeling, devil-may-care attitudes. With an optimistic outlook on life and a willingness to go wherever the wind blows, these free spirits can seem inspiring. And there are some definite mental upsides to spontaneity, from reducing stress to promoting creative thinking. But as with other personality traits, this laissez-faire approach can swiftly go from charming to problematic.
Think about your sunniest, most whimsical friend — the one who suggests random, last-minute adventures and embarks on major trips without any kind of research or itinerary. Their lifestyle may look really appealing when you're running errands or sludging through a nine-to-five. But if you needed help, is that the friend you would call? Fun they may be, but are they reliable?
Blindly trusting that things will just work out — and letting that guide you into impulsive decision-making — may be relaxing for the optimist, but it can put stress on more pragmatic people around them. Unrealistic goals or sudden pivots put pressure on professional teams, complicate logistics among busy friends, and can be thoughtless of other people's responsibilities. Plus, asking someone to be spontaneous or follow your own impulsive plans can become a source of stress as they feel compelled to go along with it. So when other people are involved, it's healthier to ensure that your spontaneity is more about being flexible and adaptable than making wild, inconvenient decisions on a whim.
Emotional strength may feed into emotional suppression
Managing our emotions is always a balancing act. On the one hand, being super emotional and easily triggered can lead people to lash out, overreact, or display sudden mood swings. So it's no wonder that we often admire the opposite traits: emotional strength, patience, and regulation. These are truly valuable qualities — as long as they stem from a healthy place. Herein lies the potential problem: Is that stoicism because you're well-adjusted or because you're ignoring your feelings?
When we talk about toxic behaviors, we don't always spend enough time analyzing traits that are toxic to ourselves. But suppression is an internalized issue that needs attention. Unlike repression, which is often an unconscious reaction to trauma, emotional suppression is a conscious choice to push aside uncomfortable feelings to deal with later — or never. It is, in essence, running away from the problem instead of facing it.
On its face, emotional suppression might seem like a helpful way to control upset feelings and shelve a knee-jerk reaction in the moment. However, keeping emotions suppressed indefinitely isn't good for you. A study in PLoS One found that those who were able to re-evaluate their emotions rather than simply suppressing them had a higher level of emotional intelligence. In other words, people achieve a healthier emotional balance by unpacking and examining their emotions rather than burying negative feelings. So while putting up a strong front may feel like a win, it's crucial to work on your emotions behind the scenes.