Resolved:

1. Not to take out my contact lenses for bedtime before I find my darn eyeglasses for reading bedtime stories.

2. Not to do anything incriminating (like, say, shave my nipple hairs) in front of my three-year-old, who will promptly give me away–loudly–to anyone who will listen.

3. Not to let the Cheerios littering the floor of my car get crushed, then spilled on, then formed into dried lumps permanently stuck to the carpeting.

4. Not to compete with other mothers. (I try not to do that. I’m really a nice person. Nicer than most mothers, I think. Better at not competing…. Oops.)

5. Not to forget my kindergartner’s homework, folder, lunch, jacket, show and tell, class picture order, and the fact that it is “wear red” school spirit day. Dang kindergarten is hard!

6. Not to use my six arms to drive, change a CD, talk on my cell phone, hand my daughter a water bottle, and eat a bite of breakfast all at the same time.

7. Not to blame my husband for getting me pregnant for a third time, because we actually did plan it but now I have morning sickness and it is all his fault!

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