Hey, did you hear the news? Iron Man’s coming out next week! Truly, Iron Man will flatten the weekend box office when it’s released.
Really, we mean it. Iron Man looks incredible - Robert Downey Jr, John Favreau, exciting special effects, Gwyneth Paltrow not being all annoying and crap. Yes, Iron Man certainly looks like an exciting weekend box office proposition and no mistake. Hooray for Iron Man!
Oh, and Baby Mama is this week’s US weekend box office number one. It’s about pregnancy or something. Snore.
Of course Baby Mama is the US weekend box office number one - everything about it has box office written all over it. For starters, Baby Mama is about an oldish woman paying someone else to be pregnant for her, which is all the go these days. For seconders it’s called Baby Mama, and everyone knows that movies do best when 37.5% of all the letters in the title are the letter A. And for thirders, it’s got Tina Fey in so it’s just like 30 Rock, but without the funny jokes and stuff. Here’s the US weekend box office top five…
1 - Baby Mama (Written by a Saturday Night Live writer and starring a former Saturday Night Live head writer and a Weekend Update host - hey, Baby Mama is just like Saturday Night Live. Only, you know, not as completely fucking dreadful) $18,217,000
2 - Harold And Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay (Don’t worry, this film stars the Kal Penn who satirises the fact that the majority of brown-skinned people are offensively portrayed as terrorists in the media these days and not the Kal Penn who played a batshit Muslim terrorist in a few episodes of 24 not so long ago. What? They’re both the same person? Oh) $14,570,000
3 - The Forbidden Kingdom (The success of The Forbidden Kingdom just goes to show the immense box office potential of Jackie Chan and Jet Li starring in a movie together. And who knows how much more successful The Forbidden Kingdom would have been if it wasn’t named after what paedophiles refer to their genitals as) $11,230,000
4 - Forgetting Sarah Marshall (A dumped boyfriend unknowingly going on holiday to the same resort as his ex-girlfriend and her new lover might sound like the premise of a bad episode of My Family, but this has a bunch of cocks in it, so… no, actually, wait, then it really is like My Family) $11,014,000
5 - Nim’s Island (This is now the fourth straight week that we’ve had to write about Nim’s Island. Usually we’d resent a success like this, but since Nim’s Island has kept Deception out of the weekend box office top five - and therefore prevented us from having to write about Ewan McGregor’s manky ginger cock - we’ve got nothing but undying gratitude) $4,525,000
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Weekend Box Office - Box Office Mojo
