Speaking of spanking (or not) and those who are serving up alternatives to spanking –
Positive Parenting has a great article that lists nine things to do instead of spanking.
1 - Get Calm - Calm down and get quiet. If you can⿿t leave the situation, then mentally step back and count to ten.
Well, that’s all fine and good! While I do agree in never punishing a child while angry, I do have to say that kids have a short attention span and while you’re regrouping your nerves, the kiddo may just forget what the heck they did to push you over the edge to begin with.
2 - Take Time for Yourself - Parents are more prone to use spanking when they haven⿿t had any time to themselves and they feel depleted and hurried.
Not me, I am prone to spank when my kid is doing something that’s of great risk to him physically.
3 - Be Kind but Firm - Another frustrating situation where parents tend to spank is when your child hasn⿿t listened to your repeated requests to behave.
I don’t think this is really a time for spanking, but more a time for alternative punishment such as holding two soup cans straight out at their sides or sitting on the imaginary chair against the wall.
4 - Give Choices - Giving your child a choice is an effective alternative to spanking.
Another great option is recruiting siblings to help think up a whole pot luck of punishments. The kids seem to know the best way to punish their siblings, but of course can never think of a suitable punishment for themselves.
5 - Use Logical Consequences - Consequences that are logically related to the behavior help teach children responsibility. For example, your child breaks a neighbor⿿s window and you punish him by spanking him. What does he learn about the situation? He may learn to never do that again, but he also learns that he needs to hide his mistakes, blame it on someone else, lie, or simply not get caught.
Personally, I’ve found that not punishing them for every single mistake to be most effective. They know that sometimes telling the truth is rewarded, while at the same time, they realize that some actions do require there be consequences to be paid.
6 - Do Make Ups - When children break agreements, parents tend to want to punish them An alternative is to have your child do a make-up. A make-up is something that people do to put themselves back into integrity with the person they broke the agreement with.
I do like this and have used this technique a time or two. I do allow the kids to come up with possible alternatives to pay the price for their mistake.
7 - Withdraw from Conflict - Children who sass back at parents may provoke a parent to slap. In this situation, it is best if you withdraw from the situation immediately. Do not leave the room in anger or defeat. Calmly say, ⿿I⿿ll be in the next room when you want to talk more respectfully.
OH whatever! My mom smacked my mouth a few times when I was growing up and I learned not to sass her. I turned out just fine!
There’s nothing wrong with a good pop on the mouth when the situation calls for it. I’ve only resorted to this type of punishment a couple of times - most recently a couple of nights ago when one of my kids thought he was bigger than me - well he is physically, but I have to maintain having the upper hand and not lose that control or respect.
8 - Use kind but firm action - Instead of smacking an infant⿿s hand or bottom when she touches something she isn⿿t supposed to, kindly but firmly pick her up and take her to the next room. Offer her a toy or another item to distract her and say, ⿿You can try again later.⿿ You may have to take her out several times if she is persistent.
To me, this is overprotecting and results in raising children to become adults who have to be picked up by their boss and taken to the job they were hired to do.
There’s too much hand holding going on with our young adults. Let them learn what HOT is in a protected and controlled setting - this will help them avoid serious burns later on.
9 - Inform Children Ahead of Time - A child⿿s temper tantrum can easily set a parent off. Children frequently throw tantrums when they feel uninformed or powerless in a situation.
They are kids, they are powerless. They need to learn to obey - when they grow up, no one is going to tell them “Now that you’re at work Junior, I’ll give you 5 minutes and then you have to get to work.” If they don’t like taking orders, perhaps they’ll be more likely to grow up giving the orders.
Tags: parenting, parenting tips, punishment, spanking
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