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Wouldn’t it be nice, when beginning a new job, for there to be fine print about the type of atmosphere you just got yourself into?  How were you supposed to know that in this shiny new office with freshly sharpened pencils that Miss Thing to the right likes to let the team take the work…all the time.  Or that Miss Thing to your left gossips for breakfast, lunch, and all the snack times in between?

It would be great if we could always get along with all the folks around us.  However, with deep respect for your exasperation with the real life trials in the workplace, I’d love to talk about working amongst difficult folk.  It happens even though you are indeed fabulous.  It’s not your fault that THEY don’t know that.  But for the sake of your peace of mind - and paycheck - let’s discuss

-  Bosses or coworkers that take credit for your work

-  The water-cooler gossipers

-  Rude people and folk who don’t like you for no reason at all

-  The unsupportive spouse

The Credit Thieves:  When Your Boss (or Co-Worker) Presents Your Ideas as Their Own!

Oh no she DIDN’T take your idea, create a mean powerpoint, and slyly smile at the praise from the Suits! 

No that boss of yours did NOT take your idea as his own and not credit you!  The nerve!

Oh, the humanity!!!

This isn’t the part where I teach you how to be CIA-worthy mum on your tasks.  Besides, if those ideas really need to see the light of day, you’re going to have to let them out sometime.  No - you’re going to be smart about this. So
-  Take a breather.  Resentment blares through - it really does.  Your glares, silent treatment, and new high blood pressure won’t alleviate your issue and if your boss catches wind of it, it just may make it worse.  Angry confrontation labels you as a trouble maker.  The silent treatment might label you as “lazy” and “not a team player.  Surely there must be another way!

-  If you’re new and your boss snatched your idea, think of it as racking points.  You become indispensable.  You become that dream employee that, lets face it - saves his neck time and time again - and who is insanely useful.  You make him look good.  Him looking good is good for you.  Why?  Because as your time accrues, so does your value.  So does your ability to request a raise after some time paying your dues. 

-  Here’s a clever thought!  When in a small group discussion, you can slip your fantastic idea in there.  If that idea ever becomes that huge dream gala that she said was too outrageous to pull off, you aren’t the only one who knows where that little piece of genius sprouted from!

-  Some may say slip that idea in your updating notes/emails so that it is documented.  If this works for you (and helps you sleep better at night) then go for it. 

-  If you’re working on an extensive project, it may be wise to document your work.  Why?  Facts like that can’t be disputed.  The point isn’t to humiliate your boss.  It just give you an opportunity to receive validation should a situation arise that you have an opportunity (cutthroat isn’t nice people) to share your findings without the attempt to make someone else (yes, your boss) look bad.

Gossip Girls and The Peanut Gallery

“Haven’t you heard?  Lara on the fifth floor said that YOU were with Phil in the mailroom!  What do you say to that?!”
Gossip is some juicy stuff until you find yourself affiliated in the story.  Not only is it no longer amusing, it can turn outright abusive.  I’ve written on InMyHeels about being gossipped about but I will say this. 
-  Carry yourself in a manner that you are proud to represent regardless of what others say.  You build a well known character that illicits doubt when negative things spread about you.  In the very least, you’re handling it with grace and self respect. You’re going to need that.
- If you can avoid engaging in office gossip, do so.  I hate to point this out because of the insane amount of fun gossiping can give you between cubicles but you somehow become someone else’s daily nightmare when you join in on the ‘fun’.  Thats right - you put a big wet foot in someone’s day.  How about you spend a little JEMi time Digging and Stumbling or emailing InMyHeels posts to your friends?  (Don’t mind my shameless plug haha.  Well actually, please do :-)   )
- Psst!  Take a look at the post I wrote entitled When Gossip Attacks:  You.  It sure is juicy!

The Rude Lady and She Who Does Not Like You.

She slams the filing cabinet shut and walks away … while you were reaching into it.  Her eyes glaze over when you speak at meetings.  She makes you feel this big [ . ] and it bothers you. 

I don’t understand it either - really I don’t.  But I DO know what works.  People like that can be difficult to work with especially if they have their heart set on being that way.  Every single day.

What about She Who Does Not Like You?  Egad!  She might even be both!  We always hear

“You can’t please everyone”
“Not everyone is going to like you”
“Some people are just like that”.

Does that change the fact that you just don’t understand why So-and-So is treating you like you are the enemy?  Absolutely not. In fact, it’s the source of much distress particularly if the person who doesn’t like you is a superior that has a huge fist on whether or not you move up in the company and in pay. :-/

We can always harp on WHY she behaves this way.  Sometimes you’re the youngun who just waltzed into a position, degree in hand but little experience and that can bother those who have been there and paid their dues.  For others, maybe you’re a personal threat. After all - being sharp/witty/beautiful (continue if you must) are characteristics that are generally appreciated … unless the threatened person suspects that you are in competition with her. But then again, she might not like you because you look funny and breathe. Who knows.

In this situation, approaching with consistent courtesy, clarity, politeness, and even random gestures of friendliness in mandatory interactions (ok not only mandatory if you’re feeling inspired with gusto) are all useful.  It’s hard to do those things when you’re peeved at rude folk until you remember one fact.  HER issues are not about you.  They are about her.  You can make it your business to have a diplomatic word with her but in the event that it doesn’t help - and in fact - maybe make your life all the more difficult, I would give the positivity approach first.

What’s going on at home, personality, the fact that the boss berates her, disliking you due to HER own insecurities are all within her realm.  Take a moment to reflect on what that really means because when its just words, its “yeah yeah JEMi”.  But really think about it.  If she is the type to plaster her mood on her face, there is an unhappiness there that you are not part of - but can be if you just fuel the fire.  You can contribute to making her day better by being kind.  Avoid being rude as well especially out of spite.  Be helpful when you can.  This not only builds your character, it is ten times more conducive to a tolerable workplace than silent pen wars are.

Now some people make it a point not to be helpful at all.  You know when that begins to ruin your day?  Allowing that to reflect that persons perceived value of who you are.   “If I were more important…”  is a prime example of words some people think when faced by these types.  Rather, you can just recognize that this individual is not concerned with spreading good karma and see what you can do. 

If kindness and an appeal to the human side won’t help, please don’t utilize angry slurs in the workplace.  It’s bad form.  After a chat with her directly, perhaps a superior will at least help you get basic functions done.  You’re there to work.  A friend would be nice but if its not the right time right now?  Well -  you’re still fabulous.

 
The Unsupportive Spouse or Partner

No, I’m not going to call your loved one difficult.  Rather, this is a very difficult situation  (you like that?  ha, me too) because trying to follow your dreams while the love of your life isn’t rooting for you is bad for your morale.  So there are several things to consider when you’re attempting to make your moves - AND not suddenly be single.

-  Your Priorities Show Through Your Actions:  Is your spouse or partner unsupportive because he thinks you’re an untalented wretch that used to be adorable when she sang or is it because you disappear 3 or 4 days at a time?  Have you given that any thought?  Do you know the answer?  Find out!  It makes all the difference!  Resentment can build when your words say “I love you” and your actions say “You are in my way.”  Sometimes it’s not your fault that you are required to relinquish a lot of time.  This is why its that much more important to suck it up and provide that reassurance that those who support us need.  Of course you’re tired.  But be tired in his arms instead of shooting him glares of contempt for existing for the next ten minutes.  Make the extra effort so that your partner knows he’s appreciated.  This goes for both women and men because it doesn’t matter - no one likes to feel like the obligatory responsibility in your life. 

-  What Are the Fears?:  What is your partner against?  A dangerous job?  Less time at home?  That you will stop bringing home the bacon?  You’d be surprised how people take screaming at the top of their lungs are communicating.  An honest conversation with mutual respect well intact can help you work through the murky waters of a heated debate.  Sometimes a compromise is in order.  Sometimes you are going to have to step back and see the bigger picture.  And if YOU see - and your partner doesn’t - well you can start getting to work showing him what that bigger picture looks like.  Pretend he is cursed with no imagination and take small, solid steps towards your goal that don’t include throwing him out.  See, people who loves us don’t want us to lose everything based on a whim.  But if you’ve got some solid goods to show - consistency and actions - you just might win that heart over all over again.

Alright.  I’m going to have to say it -

How Do YOU Contribute to the Good or the Bad In Your Days?

Sometimes, when we just running the mill daily, we lose track of our feelings.  We begin to live passively.  Unfortunately, those feelings scream bloody murder in the face of others - particularly those around you.  Do you play a part in the difficulties your work life presents? 

-Snatching the file (BACK!  I know she did it first) contributes to a difficult work day.
-Telling your spouse he’s a cad only makes him feel like he’s proving his point and contributes to a difficult work/home life.
-  Taking part in gossip then having to be confronted by a boss (embarassing) contributes to a difficult work day. 
- WORKING SOMEPLACE YOU KNOW YOU DON’T BELONG BECAUSE IT REEKS OF NEGATIVITY contributes to a difficult work life!

Do what you can to survive your environment until you are well equipped to place yourself in a better one.  In the meantime - don’t be passive.  Contribute to a better work environment.  Be the reason someone else likes to go to work..at least a little bit.

Not only does it come back to you, it relieves some of the grit of the daily grind.

Here’s to better work days and a happier you!

How do you deal with difficult people in the workplace?  Any horror stories and/or happy endings?  Your tips are very welcome too!

 Want more tips for the tough stuff the days can bring? 

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Photos by:  Ram! and Simon Pais-Thomas