Of course I⿿m a karaoke superstar. Because I don⿿t let myself forget for a second that as soon as I take the mic, I⿿m supposed to be providing entertainment for every person in the room. It⿿s not about singing ability. No one cares if you can sing. If you can sing, great, but singing is incidental. It⿿s about putting on a show. If you have to turn yourself into the female equivalent of Meatloaf or Iggy Pop, by all means, go for it. Just don⿿t be boring. And there⿿s nothing sadder than someone singing in earnest at a karaoke bar.
Song selection
Pick something you can dance to. That way, you can make up for poor singing ability with awesome dance moves. If you can neither dance nor sing, you can always take your clothes off. Also, people who choose songs that are somehow race or gender-inappropriate almost always get a reaction from the audience.
Dance breaks
Sometimes I can⿿t think of anything to do during the dance breaks. Don't panic if this happens. Just start doing the Running Man, even if it's a slow song. It⿿s lame, I know, but people fucking love it.
Wardrobe
Girls should wear something revealing to get the audience on their side.
Alcohol
I turn Southern when I⿿m drunk. I mean, I start talking with a Southern accent. I don⿿t know why this happens since I⿿m originally from California, but it doesn⿿t help my singing. Some of you may need to drink so you may embarrass yourself in public more readily, but I don⿿t recommend drinking to the point of losing control of your voice.
Drugs
Uppers, not downers, or you⿿re flirting with disaster.
