No more children for this single mom. I think I’ve been in a kind of mourning for this loss for about a week, now. This has been one of those big issues I’ve Not. Been. Writing. About. I suppose I’m just tired of cracking my skull on the elephant in the room.

Health, and age, and romantic status have all conspired to drive me to this bittersweet decision. I have to let go of some cherished hopes (a brother or sister for the King of Everything and I to love) and search for some other dream to chase (adoption, perhaps?).

I’ve only just realized that I took my fertility for granted. What an easy life I have had! I always assumed there would be enough time for another child. But there is not. The window of opportunity is closed. Somehow, in the coming weeks (monthsyears) I will have to find a place in my heart for this sadness. I will find another way to have a bright kitchen full of laughing children. I might even have someone closer to my own age to dance with as we do the dishes. But in many ways, no matter how we fill our little family, the KoE will be an only child. And that’s what really breaks my heart. He should have lots of siblings.

And I’ll never have that daughter I dreamed about.

So here, Kate, is my answer to your post about Coming to terms with family size and fertility.

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