Ia??m going to have to talk to my kida??s teachers when I pick him up from school today. I hear through the grapevine that hea??s in trouble again. Time outs for hitting. When my friend picked up her daughter early today, she found the King of Everything on the time out chair, pouting, arms crossed, dejected and defiant all at once. Of course, it was her daughter he was hitting, today. Sigh.
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Hea??s always good at explaining himself after the fact. a??I was angry a??cause my mamaa??s not here. I miss my mama,a?? he told my friend.
Ita??s tough to be a little kid, and even harder when youa??re a boy. Dona??t let the crazies fool you into thinking wea??re all alike: boys and girls express themselves differently. It makes perfect sense that my kida??s wailing on his best friend when hea??s hurt. Girls are much better at communicating feelings.
Did you ever notice that your son opens up to you more when youa??re engaged in doing something together? It could be going for a drive, or playing a game of catch, or walking to the store. Your daughter might just plunk down on the kitchen stool and tell you all about her day, her friends, the drama, the hurts, the high fives. Your son will say nothing when asked how his day was, then go slam the back door and start pitching softballs at the brick wall. You know somethinga??s wrong:A forcing him to talk about it is just going to make it worse. You can give him opportunities to open up and talk to you. Suggest a game of catch or a stroll to the park. Dona??t press. Hea??ll probably come around to talking about whata??s bothering him, in an oblique manner. Herea??s a crucial technique to follow: do not offer an opinion, a judgement, or anything resembling a criticism. It sounds strange, but interjecting with a soft, a??mma?? or a??oha?? or a??I seea?? can work wonders to keeping the conversation going. Your son doesna??t want you to solve the problem for him. He just wants you to listen. Hea??ll figure it out if you let him. At the most, you can reflect back what hea??s sayinga?| a??wow, so you were pretty mad when Jimmy said that about you, huh?a?? should be about the extent of your active involvement in the conversation.
While ita??s important to get your children communicating, the way you go about it cana??t be the same for all kids. In addition to gender differences, personality types play a big role in communication. Do you know if your child is an introvert or an extrovert? Do you know if you are an introvert or an extrovert? Thata??s important to know, too. An extroverted mother chasing down an introverted son to bond after school is just heading for tears. Usually, her own.
There are some wonderful books on parenting, and communicating with children. Ia??d recommend beginning with How to Talk So Your Children Will Listen and Positive Discipline.
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Ia??m going to ask the teacher to let the King of Everything call me when he gets like this. All he needs is his mama, and a phone call should make everything right with his world. Dona??t forget the possibility that ita??s not missing you thata??s making your kid angrya?| there might be a hole where Dad used to be, and you have to be ready to encourage your kid to talk about your ex, and supportive enough to help with the healing. Keep your opinions to yourself and just listen.
gender differences,
positive discipline,
positive parenting,
single parenting
