Phil Lerman, of Dadditude, graciously agreed to do a guest post for Play Library. This book is one that I think every dad should have. I am buying a few myself for Christmas presents. You’re going to love his wit, sense of humor and his overall look at being a dad. I know you’re going to enjoy his guest post and his book.

You can pick up a copy or read an excerpt from Dadditude at Phil Lerman⿿s website, dadditude.com Thanks Phil!

Hi there! I⿿m Phil Lerman, author of a new book called ⿿Dadditude.⿿ I was delighted to be do a guest post here at Play Library (heck, when you⿿re a stay-at-home dad, you⿿re delighted for any excuse to relate to adults, in any form. I find myself lately at business meetings going, ⿿My, what a pretty tie! Did your mommy buy you that?⿿)

The Play Library folks were asking me what, exactly, is Dadditude. I⿿m sure I know this one! I did write a book about it and all. Problem is, I just put Max to bed, and my brain is a little fried. Max is at that age where linear thought has been replaced by a surreal melange of random nerve firings (⿿that age,⿿ of course, being 1 through 18). When he was two, Max did not speak. Not even da-da. The doctors thought he might be somewhere on the autism spectrum, perhaps headed for the mild form of autism known as Aspergers Syndrome. Turns out, he must have just had a touch of 24-hour autism, because he suddenly started speaking. And now, of course, never shuts up. (He moved from da-da to Dada so quickly even Salvador Dali would be impressed).

So while I am trying to get Max to perform various duties which seem fairly simple ⿿ eat cereal, brush teeth, put on jammies ⿿ Max is delivering an oration on topics veering from Why Blue Is Better Than Red to Why I Need You To Buy Me Three Watches; and all the while he is also performing various duties of his own, such as putting the telephone in the freezer, writing his name in Sharpie on daddy⿿s report that⿿s due tomorrow, and ⿿ our current favorite ⿿ screaming ⿿blooga blooga!⿿ and running repeatedly into the wall.

Getting him into pajamas is like trying to put a tuxedo on Daffy Duck.

Now you have to understand that before I became a stay-at-home dad, I saw myself as a Person of Import. I produced the television program America⿿s Most Wanted, and put many bad guys behind bars, and brought missing children home to their mothers, and commanded roving bands of producers, who did my bidding with grace and aplomb. All of which engendered in me a belief — shared by many fathers in the workplace — in order; a belief that we can control the universe around us.

Read the rest below the cut.

A five-year-old takes that belief and shoves macaroni and cheese up its nose.

It is in making that transition from work to home, from the love of order to the embracing of chaos, that I think Dadditude lies. Because dads are always trying to move things forward, and we miss the lesson that their children are trying to teach us. Children live in this moment, and of this moment. And it is this lesson ⿿ the simple lesson of learning to Be Here Now, to stop teaching and fixing and organizing, and just be In This Moment ⿿ it is this lesson we have to learn again, and again, and again.

Max⿿s five-and-a-half birthday was last week, and I did the typical dad thing; we went to a movie, and to Chuck E. Cheese, and to Toys R Us. A great day, I thought. What a great dad am I! And we came home, and I started cooking dinner.

And he started to cry.

⿿You didn⿿t play with me all day!⿿ he wailed. I began to protest ⿿ but suddenly, I understood.

I turned off the fire on the stove, and got down on the rug, and picked up a small blue Hot Wheels Chevy, and mindlessly, aimlessly, rolled it around in a vague circle. ⿿I am Shmar the Car,⿿ I announced. ⿿Who will ride with me?⿿

Max stopped crying. ⿿I will,⿿ he said, picking up a tiny blue race car. ⿿You are not faster than me. No one is faster than me.⿿

⿿Accepted,⿿ said the Chevy. ⿿I will follow you.⿿

Dadditude, I think , comes in learning that we don⿿t always have to lead our children. That sometimes we can follow them. And that if we listen, very carefully, they will take us where we need to go.

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