Remember how Kate Moss celebrated her 34th birthday party with an all-night orgy in her hotel suite. The one with two other girls, one other guy, a bunch of lurkers, a little man in a tux peddling champagne and cocaine and Ronnie Wood in the corner. Yeah, didn’t happen. News of the World now says it was all just a big misunderstanding:

SORRY KATE. We would like to apologise to Kate Moss and to her family and friends for any offence or distress caused by our article last week relating to alleged events at her 34th birthday party at the Dorchester Hotel. The News of the World was offered detailed information from a normally reliable source which we now accept was untrue. We regret publication of that material in the column and have agreed to pay Kate a sum in damages.

I swear I’ve had like a million dreams exactly like this. Tons of champagne coming from really polite little butlers with British accents, Kate Moss, face paint, a couple of the Stones, ahhhh!!! PLEASE. LET. ME. IN. WAAAAA!