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According to this survey, thirty six percent of married momshave had an affair since having kids. AOL and Cookie Magazine, the sponsors of the survey, report that over thirty thousand people have taken the survey.

Yikes, that sure isa lot of hourly motel room rentals

However, more than a few grains of salt should be taken with this survey. First, it is an internet survey open to anyone. That means there could be somepimply 17 year oldin his mom’s basement filling out the survey. I’m not exactly sure why he would want to do that, but many things are difficult to explain. Second, there is nothing preventing people from taking this survey more than once. Heck, I had problems with a pop-up on the site and wound up getting kicked back to the beginning, even though I had already answered ten questions.

It is impossible to say how valid the numbers are, really. If you halved it, coming up with eighteen percent, that sounds a bit more realisic. Still, almost twenty percent of moms having an affair is a sobering statistic.

I thought it was the moms who were supposed to not want sex anymore! All the whining demands, messes to clean up, and endless fruitless negotiations over household rules can really lower a woman’s sex drive. And really, that’s just dealing with the husband…

But, I do have one important question. Does this mean that I will have to send Sven, my Swedish masseuse, home early now for fear the neighbors will start whispering?

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Oh, girl. Just. Stop.

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I’m just not a baby person.

I’m cool with babies and all, but I am not one of those women who will drop everything to rush over to an infant. I don’t normally coo and cuddle someone else’s child, unless I am related to or good friends with the parents.

I remember taking the Munchkin out when he was about six months to get our taxes done. The secretary saw him and immediately squealed, lurching out from behind her desk, begging to hold him. Granted, he was one cute baby, but I was a bit nonplussed that this woman, this stranger, was practically salivating at the thought of cradling him.

Since her boss was the one who was going to be saving us some money, I reluctantly allowed her. Her face suffused with joy, and she said, “I can’t help it, I am totally baby crazy. I just looooove babies.”

And when the Munchkin was young, I came across many of these women. Seemingly normal, but if their radar picked up an infant within twenty feet, their eyes would glaze over and their minds became slightly unhinged. Once that baby hit their arms, they could no longer communicate properly with the outside world. Syllables becamedrawn out, and nonsensical babbling/singing wouldcome out of their mouthsinstead. There was nothing else but this infant and their momentary bond. Which is touchingly sweet, and yet is at the same time a wee bit creepy.

I sort of get it. There is something so very adorable about newborns. Those little lips! Those big eyes! The cute noises! And the helplessness! Who can resist the helplessness?

Well, I can.

I think I am happier now that my son and I can have a conversation, that he can brush his own teeth, and that diapers are a thing of the distant, distant past.

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I have a confession to make: there is a soft spot in my heart for the loopy comedy stylings of Ben Stiller, and it’s not just because he smiled at me once in Waterfront Station.

Although some.

One of his finest creations is the fabulously moronic Derek(Dayre-ique?) Zoolander, and one of the best bits of that movie was the hilariously appalling infomercial with which Mugatu brainwashed him. “Governments are interfering with the age-old right of children to work as they please! Now…Kill the Prime Minister of Malaysia!”

Oops! Uh, “Spoiler Alert!” Still, at least I didn’t tell you about the Duchovny surprise, so that’s good.

In any case and in the same vein, here is a lovely news presentation from The Onion, celebrating the new Gap For Kids, By Kids collection!

Gap Unveils New ‘For Kids By Kids’ Clothing Line

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