Tim Hortons, a popular Canadian coffee chain, just launched a new latte drink. But unlike, say, the new Maple Pecan Latte at Starbucks, the special ingredient here is something more sinister than maple, pecan, or even pumpkin spice. What is it, you ask? It’s Buffalo sauce. They made a freaking Buffalo sauce latte, and, frankly, I’m done—with fancy coffee drinks, with viral marketing stunts, and perhaps with the world altogether.
I am, thankfully, not alone in the opinion that Buffalo sauce does not belong in a coffee-based beverage—or, for that matter, any beverage. Following the announcement of the new drink, which is vividly described in a press release as “freshly brewed espresso, steamed milk, mocha, and bold Buffalo sauce flavor … topped with whipped topping and a dusting of zesty Buffalo seasoning,” Twitter exploded with reactions ranging from disgusted to, well, very disgusted.
The Buffalo Latte, as it’s been dubbed, will be served in two Tim Hortons locations in Buffalo, New York, which seems like a good idea until you realize how seriously people from Buffalo take the sanctity of their Buffalo wings. I can’t imagine too many Buffalonians will be pleased by such blasphemy against their most popular export. But then again, if you had asked me yesterday, “will someone attempt to inject zesty Buffalo flavor into a coffee beverage?” I would have said, unequivocally, no they will not, so what do I know anymore?
Apparently, latte exists in celebration of the fact that both Tim Hortons and Buffalo wings were created in the same year. “Tim Hortons and Buffalo sauce were both born in 1964, so why not take these two Buffalo staples and combine them?” regional president Stephen Goldstein said in the press release, blatantly ignoring the fact that there are a great many culinary reasons not to combine coffee with Buffalo sauce. “The unlikely pairing of sweet mocha and tangy Buffalo sauce come together to create an unexpectedly delicious sweet and spicy treat we hope our guests will enjoy.”
Unlikely indeed. Anyway, despite all these new releases, Pumpkin Spice Lattes are still the unofficial caffeinated beverage of fall, and I’ve never been more down to keep it that way.