We’re all for sex toys and acrobatic positions, but when it comes to spicing up your sex life, experts agree that something as simple as being a bit more vocal can make a big impact. “Adding erotic talk to sexual activities is a wonderful way to increase arousal and heat things up with your partner,” says psychologist Antonia Hall, author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life. Still, if you’re a dirty talk newbie, there’s no denying that it can initially feel a little awkward. Here’s how to ease into it and make your next sex session that much more rewarding.
You don’t have to start with words
Okay, okay, we know that we said dirty talk, but sounds work just as well as words. Not to mention, they can feel more natural, particularly if you’re not used to talking in bed. “Moaning is a great way to both stimulate and encourage your partner,” says Hall (talk about a win-win). Try not to overthink it, but rather let your body naturally respond to what’s happening in the moment.
Compliment your partner
A simple “you look so sexy,” can go a long way, says Hall, adding that it’s a great (and fairly PG) place to start, particularly if you’re feeling shy. To take that up a notch, express urgency — try something like “you look so sexy that I have to have you now.” Any kind of demand for immediate action is a foolproof turn-on.
Express your likes
A recent study found that communicating what you want leads to significantly more satisfying sex. Start with the basic framework of, “it feels so good when…” suggests Hall, then insert either whatever your partner is currently doing or something he or she has done before that you enjoy. You can keep this as general or detailed as you’d like, and you can add on to this by following up with what you want to happen next. Don’t feel comfortable going there quite yet? Nonverbal cues, such as using your hands to guide your partner to the right place, also work. Or, ask your partner to share what he or she wants you to do to them.
Pull up old memories
“Bringing in memories of hot moments you’ve shared together can be super sexy,” Hall says, so flashback to that super-hot vacation sex or steamy shower session you shared. Get specific and keep your voice soft and sensual as you whisper into your partner’s ear, she adds.
Share a fantasy
Starting to feel a little braver? Share a fantasy that you find sexy, but keep it within the realm of something you know will be a crowd-pleaser. “Dirty talk isn’t the place for bringing up something your partner may find extreme,” Hall points out. Save that for another time, as it could potentially cause your partner to feel uncomfortable or confused.