Okay, so right off the bat I should tell you that I technically failed this experiment, since I didn’t have sex every day. Without getting too personal (if that’s possible here) my husband and I have been married for almost five years. We’ve always had great sex, but our sex drives tend to often mismatch. Ideally, he’d be going at it every night, while I’m totally content with a couple mornings per week. Like any couple, we ebb and flow, sometimes having more sex, sometimes less. I’d heard that sex tends to beget sex, and, given that I write about the topic, thought a first-person experiment — having sex every day for 30 days — might yield some interesting results. Here’s what happened.
We started off with a bang (pun intended). Making sex a priority and knowing that it was something that had to happen every day was initially fun and exciting. That being said, despite our best intentions, we fell off the daily bandwagon. A round of bad buffalo wings, unexpected business travel, a visiting father-in-law — you know, some non-sexy and logistically challenging life stuff -- got in the way.
Still, we most definitely had more sex this month, which only bettered our relationship. I’ve noticed before that my husband is genuinely less stressed and easily annoyed when we’re having sex regularly, making fights about stupid, innocuous things almost non-existent. To the point of more sex leading to more sex, my sex drive increased, too. It’s kind of like Pringles — once you pop, you can’t stop. (Poor analogy choice, I know, but it drives the point home.)
“Having more sex does tend to make you want more,” says Antonia Hall, psychologist, relationship expert, and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life. “Your body becomes flooded with feel-good chemicals, like oxytocin and endorphins, which can boost libido.” And while perhaps aiming to have sex every day was overly ambitious, scheduling sex is a great way to prioritize intimacy with your partner, says Hall.
“Consistent intimacy is key to a happy, healthy relationship. Use these scheduled interludes as opportunities to connect and spark passion, which can often lead to getting frisky on unscheduled days,” she advises. To keep it from feeling like just another chore on your daily to-do list, Hall suggests teasing and building up desire by writing little love notes or sexting prior to your scheduled date. “Mix things up by trying new sex positions, locations, or adding things you've always wanted to try to your repertoire,” she adds.
Ultimately, having sex every day for 30 days proved to be more challenging than I anticipated, but even though we didn’t hit our goal, the benefits were still there. At the end of the day, don’t stress if you’re not doing it as often as you think everyone else is. “There is only the perfect magic number for you. Libidos wax and wane, and sometimes they don't always synch up as well as we'd like. Communicating with your partner is the best way to make sure your intimacy needs are being fulfilled,” explains Hall. As far as my husband and I are concerned, there’s always next month…