Grown Women Reveal the Questions They Still Have About Sex

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Sure, you’ve learned a thing or two about s-e-x at this point in your life, but even as an adult, navigating the bedroom can lead to some confusing questions. How many times is it normal to have sex in a week? Will he/she think I’m weird if I introduce the idea of sex toys? We reached out to a range of women and asked them to share all the unanswered questions they still have, then had a sex therapist and gynecologist weigh in. Check out their 10 Qs below—and the very informative answers.

At what age are women in their sexual prime?

Long story short: There is no one age. “There are ebbs and flows for women hormonally, so there’s no one time when they are in their sexual prime,” explains Rachel Hoffman, LCSW, a therapist at the Long Island Institute of Sex Therapy. Board certified OB/GYN Dr. Diana Hoppe, M.D. agrees and says it’s “when a woman feels empowered, good in her own skin, confident and in sync with her partner or her sexuality.” Amen.

Why is sex so much better with certain people?

We’ve all been there. Sometimes you just really click with someone…and sometimes you don’t. The reasons why vary: “Sexual chemistry is built off of many different variables. Someone could feel sexual chemistry with someone they are very comfortable with,” explains Hoffman. “It can also be an energetic connection, or come from the fact that you are so infatuated with someone that the mere presence of them is arousing.” The bottom line: There’s no hard and fast reason, but if you find that vibe with someone, enjoy it.

What's the best way to have sex in a small shower?

Maybe just don’t. “The number of clients that come in complaining about shower sex is unfathomable. Movies and TV have destroyed shower sex for everyone because they make it seem like it’s easy, comfortable, and passionate,” says Hoffman. You can try starting sex in the shower, and then moving it elsewhere, she adds. Or, try lifting your partner up or sitting if possible, straddling one another. “It might still be uncomfortable, so at that point have your partner lift you up and bring you to the bedroom or at least sit on the toilet,” she advises.

How effective is the pull out method, really?

Eh, not super effective, but it’s obviously better than not pulling out. It’s still possible to get pregnant, since there may be some semen on the penis (technical term: pre-ejaculate), even before ejaculation, points out Dr. Hoppe. Not to mention that it will not, by any means, protect you from STDs.

What are the best sex positions post-childbirth?

Both experts agree that it depends on the individual, though Dr. Hoppe notes that in general, doggy-style causes more impact on the cervix, which can be painful. Both experts also agree that using lube during this time is also super important. “Usually immediately after childbirth and during breastfeeding there can be vaginal atrophy, which makes sex really hurt,” says Dr. Hoppe, who adds that coconut oil is a great lubricant. But don’t worry, this isn’t permanent and will subside once you stop breastfeeding and your cycles go back to normal.

What are some easy ways to spice up your sex life without the use of toys?

The options are endless, so take your pick. Hoffman suggests role-playing, new positions or engaging in dirty talk as a few easy options. Or, try this simple trick: Bring a glass of ice water into the bedroom. When your partner is naked, put the ice in your mouth and slowly slide it down their body.

Is it offensive to introduce toys?

“Clients ask me this all the time,” says Hoffman. “Introducing toys is not telling your partner you do not enjoy sex with them. They might feel that way though, so assure them that you are just looking to spice things up.” Also important to keep in mind: Sex toys can be mutually beneficial for both people, so once they are introduced, be vocal about what you like and what you don't like, she adds.

Is spotting during sex normal?

As a rule, no, notes Dr. Hoppe, though there are exceptions. Sometimes there can be some blood expelled from the uterus due to hormonal changes, but see your OBGYN if you have spotting during sex, as there may be something else causing the bleeding that needs to be evaluated, she says.

How many times a week should I be having sex?

Sorry, but there’s no set number, Hoffman tells us. Whatever is comfortable for you and your partner.

Sometimes when my bladder is full, I feel aroused. Is this normal?

It may seem like a strange feeling, but there’s a biological explanation. “For some women, a full bladder can elicit arousal because it places more pressure on certain areas, such as the G-spot, which is located right below the bladder,” explains Dr. Hoppe.