Signs You Haven't Found The One
The amount of time you've already spent in a relationship should never be a deciding factor when it comes to whether or not your relationship is worth keeping. It doesn't matter if you've been dating your partner for one month or 10 years. If it's not meant to be, it's simply not meant to be! There are countless red flags to pay attention to in new relationships. Unfortunately, a lot of people tend to overlook red flags because they're looking at their partners through rose-colored glasses.
When you see everything through rose-colored glasses, it causes you to overlook a lot of significant problems that shouldn't be ignored. It's true that you might passionately love your partner and it's also true you might hope your relationship is built to last. Regardless of the positive spins you try to put on things, it's still important for your own happiness and well-being to take note of any blaring red flags that might be waving. Here's what you should be looking out for if you're on the fence about a future with your significant other.
They refuse to define the relationship
It's pretty obvious that the person you're dating isn't taking you seriously if they refuse to define the relationship. A lot of people know whether or not they want to become exclusive with someone early on. If your partner keeps dodging the conversation or avoiding the topic altogether, you have reason to be doubtful of them and their intentions. Anyone who is scared to add labels to a relationship is simply showcasing their fear of commitment.
At the end of the day, they might not be ready to define a relationship with you, but that doesn't mean they wouldn't be ready to define a relationship with someone else. If you're the type of person who wants to feel stable and secure in your relationship, then you deserve to be with someone who is willing to define the relationship in serious terms. Deciding whether or not you want to commit to each other with exclusivity requires an in-depth conversation.
If they're not willing to talk about it, they are definitely not the one. You shouldn't have to chase your partner around to have this conversation, either. When you feel like you're pressuring someone to become exclusive with you, it makes things tense, awkward, and uncomfortable. Someone who deeply cares about you will be excited to define the relationship.
You're staying with them out of fear of being alone
It's possible that you're struggling to let go of your relationship out of fear of being alone. A lot of people who are single right now are having a hard time in the dating sphere since dating culture has come to a really unfortunate place. People on social media have been very open, honest, and vocal about their modern dating hardships making the single life sound way, scarier and terrible than ever.
People who are interested in finding committed relationships are continually stuck dealing with players who would prefer to enjoy casual hookups and meaningless flings. To make matters worse, horror stories of people ending up harmed after meeting up with matches from dating apps have been on the rise as well. There's a lot to be concerned about when you think about ending your current relationship and becoming single again.
Regardless, it's better to leave an unhappy relationship than to stay in one out of the fear that you won't meet someone else who could be way better. It's possible that you'll struggle in the dating world after ending your relationship for a little while, but it's still better to put yourself out there for new opportunities instead of staying bogged down in a relationship that isn't right for you.
You're no longer physically attracted to your partner
As shallow as it might be to say, physical attraction is an important factor in any relationship. You can absolutely adore someone's personality, find them undeniably hilarious, and enjoy their company endlessly. If you don't find them physically attractive, though, it might be difficult for you to think of that person as anything more than a friend. We all know by now that once someone is in the friend zone, it's pretty difficult to pull them out of it.
That being said, if you no longer feel physically attracted to your partner, it might be time to reevaluate if the relationship is still worth your time. It's possible that everything about their physical appearance has changed between the moment you met them and now. You might've loved the way they looked when you first started dating, but you no longer feel that way.
It's possible that nothing changed about your partner's outward appearance over the course of your relationship. Instead, you possibly started to notice things about them that you no longer consider charming or endearing. Whatever your reasoning might be, it's unfair to stay in a relationship with someone with whom you aren't excited about being intimate. It's even worse to admit that you're faking it in the bedroom to keep them from feeling unwanted or rejected. To make matters worse, if your partner knew that you lost interest in them physically, it could potentially be detrimental to their self-esteem. It's best to let go and move on with someone you're attracted to.
You feel bored with your partner
All relationships go through highs and lows, and some of those lows include boring patches of time. It's unrealistic to assume that your relationship is always going to be filled with fun moments, burning passion, and gleeful excitement. Grasping the concept of occasional dry spells doesn't mean your relationship is completely doomed. It becomes more of a serious issue if you feel like you've been bored with your partner for a prolonged amount of time with no end in sight.
Are you consistently trying to invite your partner out to try new things, but they're always saying "no"? Are you the one always trying to convince your partner to spice things up, but they're always turning you down? If this is the case, it's possible that you're dating someone who just isn't right for you. It shouldn't be your job to make things interesting; they need to be putting forth some effort, too.
If you feel no motivation at all to create fun experiences between you and your partner, it's possible that you've given up on the relationship already altogether. In that same token, if they're making no attempts to break the boring dry spell with you, they might be over it just as much as you are. You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't make you feel like you're waiting for water to boil or watching paint dry.
You're constantly breaking up and making up
Couples who are in a vicious cycle filled with heart-wrenching breakups and steamy make-ups might think that they are doing just fine because they get hit with massive dopamine rushes every time they decide to reconcile. There's something very passionate and exciting about calling it quits on a relationship before coming back together and realizing you simply can't live without each other. At the end of the day, though, this vicious cycle is more toxic than you might realize. Every time you break up and make up with your significant other, you weaken your bond.
There's nothing stable or secure about a relationship that is constantly crumbling and falling apart. Even if you both can agree that it feels better to be back together, the consistent breakups you're putting yourselves through are not at all advantageous. Healthy couples talk things through without ending things every time something goes wrong. If you're stuck in a relationship that's filled with dramatic breakups and whirlwind make-ups every other week, you're probably not dating your forever person.
They never own up to their mistakes
Dating someone who isn't capable of owning up to their own mistakes is one of the most heartbreaking things to deal with. When you do something wrong, you should be brave enough to apologize and ensure that you won't repeat the same bad behavior. If this is something, your partner isn't willing to do for you, it's safe to assume they are never going to change their mind about that. Owning up to your mistakes requires high levels of maturity and self-awareness. Too many people feel like they are always right and can never be in the wrong.
Self-righteous and complacent individuals fit the bill here. Dating someone who feels that way about themselves is completely toxic because it will always leave you feeling like you need to apologize and pick up the pieces after a dispute. When you go from dating someone who never owns up to their mistakes to finally being in a relationship with someone who has the maturity to do this, it feels like a beautiful breath of fresh air.
It feels like communication attempts lead you nowhere
When you're serious about making your relationship work, it makes sense that you'll do whatever it takes to communicate with your partner. If you're at the point where it feels like your communication attempts are leading you nowhere, it's quite possible that you're dating someone who isn't meant to be in your life forever. Communication is key when it comes to long-lasting and healthy relationships. Being able to comfortably talk to your partner about anything is important if you want to cultivate a strong bond.
Unfortunately, you can't be the only one putting an effort when it comes to communication. Having open-ended conversations is a two-way street and it requires energy from both parties involved. If your partner is the type of person who shuts down and closes you out whenever they're upset, it will leave you feeling empty and alone after any disagreements pop up. If they're the type of person who resorts to the silent treatment whenever they're upset, it will take longer than necessary to move past disagreements. Dating someone who prioritizes healthy communication will only benefit you and your peace of mind.
You prefer alone time over being with your partner
If you've gotten to a point where you'd rather be totally alone than spend time with your partner, your relationship probably isn't meant to be. Spending a solid amount of alone time is a good thing for everyone in the world, single or taken. That being said, you should still have a strong desire to spend quality time with your partner. Some people feel really burned out in their relationships because their partner drains them, berates them, or asks too much of them. These are only a few reasons why a person would want to spend time away from their partner, but the possibilities are endless.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to spend an evening by yourself to eat your favorite foods, watch your favorite shows, listen to your favorite playlists, scroll through silly social media content, and lounge comfortably in solitude. This only becomes a problem if you realize that your solitude feels way better than being with your significant other. Spending time with your partner is supposed to make you feel good. If time with them is something you've started avoiding, you have some reevaluating to do.
You know deep down that you're incompatible
Being compatible with your significant other is vital if you want the relationship to last for the long haul. You might be in love with your partner, but if you know deep down that you're completely incompatible, you should take that knowledge to heart. It's fine if you're incompatible about things such as your favorite music groups or restaurants. It's a bigger issue if you're incompatible about serious topics such as religion, politics, or having kids together in the future. There are way too many dealbreaker topics to consider that can utterly destroy a relationship.
If you and your partner have been shelving these heavy conversations and avoiding the fact that you're deeply incompatible, things will inevitably blow up in a negative way down the line. You can avoid that altogether by acknowledging your incompatibility and deciding whether or not your relationship is worth fighting for. Think about the notion of your partner never changing their mind about their world views or opinions. Is this something you can live with?
Your partner doesn't enhance your life
The dynamics aren't fair between you and your partner if you feel like you've been enhancing their life without anything in return. When two people date each other, they should improve each other's lives by making things more enjoyable and more pleasurable. If you feel like this is more of a one-sided issue, then you're probably not in the most ideal relationship for you. Imagine this: Your partner has been struggling financially since being laid off from their job. You step up to the plate by helping them apply for new jobs, giving them consistent pep talks, and even offering to cover some of their expenses.
Is your partner the type of person who would do the exact same things for you if the roles were reversed? Put yourself in your partner's shoes and try to think about things from their perspective. Do they really have your best interest at heart, or are they dating you without any intention to enhance your life? If you feel like they aren't the type of person who would go out of their way to bring improvements to your life, it's a sign that they aren't the one for you.
It feels like your concerns are never validated
Whenever you tell your partner about your concerns, you should always feel like you're being validated. Dating a partner who doesn't validate your feelings is a very isolating, lonely, and upsetting experience. It makes you feel like whatever you're going through isn't important to them because they aren't willing to acknowledge anything you say. This is especially unfair for individuals who are driven by compassion and sensitivity.
You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who validates your concerns and understands your perspective. An example of this would be if you told your partner you felt concerned about the flirtation they were receiving from one of their coworkers. A partner who validates your concerns will reassure you about the situation and shut down any future flirtations from their coworker. A partner who doesn't care about validating you will tell you that you're overreacting and making a mountain out of a molehill.
They drain your energy
Being a high-vibrational person filled with positive energy is a very powerful thing. Most people on this planet are incredibly negative with constant complaints, defeatist mindsets, and victim mentalities. If you're the type of person who's been able to overcome all of those negative mental obstacles, then you deserve to be with someone who is on the same page as you.
If you're stuck in a relationship with someone who is constantly draining your energy with their own heavy pessimism, you're definitely not dating the right person for you. Happy people often attract cynical and gloomy individuals at no fault to them. When an optimist dates a pessimist, they're forced into a position where they always have to uplift their partner with cheerfulness and encouragement.
Unfortunately, that sentiment doesn't tend to go both ways. The more time you spend trying to make your miserable partner happy, the more it will drain you. You shouldn't feel like you've just run an emotional marathon every time you spend time with your partner. Negative people thrive in relationships with positive people, but the benefits are never mutual. Spending time with your partner is supposed to fill you up with enthusiasm and bliss, not the feeling of being drained.
You're adding value to their life, but it isn't reciprocated
It's easy to add value to someone else's life when you're in love with them. If you see endless potential in your partner, then you might naturally want to add value to their life in any way you see possible. Unfortunately, it's paramount that you watch out for your own best interest in situations like these because your partner might not always be willing to return the favor. While it's true, that you should never do nice things for others because you expect things to be done in return, It's still only fair that you're in a healthy relationship with someone who brings as much value to your life as you are bringing to theirs.
If you're letting your partner drive your car because theirs in the shop, you're taking on the majority of household chores between the two of you, or you're always letting them decide what your evening plans look like, you might start to grow resentful. Adding value to each other's lives within a relationship should always be a two-way street. Your partner might not be the one for you if these things aren't reciprocated.
Your partner gives you anxiety
One of the biggest signs to take into account about a bad relationship is if your partner is giving you anxiety. The person you're dating should bring you peace and joy. If you feel revved up with anxiety every time you see their name light up on your phone or hear their knock on your door, it's definitely time to think about if this relationship is worth your sanity. Partners who are overly jealous, controlling, or manipulative will evoke anxiety in even the most stable and secure individuals.
If you feel unsettled whenever you're spending time with your partner, that's a gut feeling of yours that shouldn't be ignored. Your instincts are always speaking to you and sending you warnings. There's a reason you don't feel as relaxed and calm with your partner as you should feel! It's your job not to ignore sensations of anxiety in any relationship you're in. When you date someone who makes you feel blissfully serene and tranquil, it will feel like a night and day difference.
You can't imagine a future with them
Whenever you take time out of your day to seriously daydream about the future, take note of whether or not you see your partner there with you. You probably aren't thinking about the brightest possible future with your partner if things are already feeling pretty bleak. If you're picturing how it might be to date other people, it's clear that you have other plans in mind for what's to come down the line. These are all signs that they're definitely not the one.
It doesn't make you a cheater to think about a future that doesn't include your partner, either. When you become fully aware that you'll be better off without them in your life, you have to take the leap and end things. The longer you drag things out, the worse it will be for both of you. There's something very inspirational about imagining a lovely future without your current partner after realizing they aren't your forever person. The unknown can be scary, but it can also be very exhilarating if you pursuit it correctly.