14 Things You Probably Shouldn't Bring Up Immediately After Getting Intimate
Getting intimate with a partner is an exciting and pleasurable experience. It's the first time two people get the chance to explore each other's bodies while experiencing mutual gratification. While it's true that some first-time sexual experiences with new partners can end up being super awkward in the moment, a lot of these experiences help people feel more emotionally connected to each other.
One of the worst things you can do to a partner you've just slept with is to say the wrong thing after. Some of these terrible comments can turn the moments after your hookup into a cringeworthy memory you'll never be able to live down.
Immediately after physically sharing yourself with someone, you might want to be a tad careful about what comes out of your mouth. These are a few things to avoid saying at all costs immediately after getting intimate with someone to preserve their feelings and your personal integrity.
Your desire to immediately define the relationship
It puts an undeniable amount of pressure on someone's shoulders if you express your desire to define a relationship with them immediately after hooking up with them. Entering into a committed and monogamous relationship could be high on your radar, but it might not be something they've even slightly considered. Maybe they thought you were in a situationship or a friends-with-benefits scenario. When you bring up the notion of relationship titles with a person you've just slept with, it puts them in a very awkward position.
They'll either come across as very brash and rude by shutting you down, or they'll go along with whatever you're saying against their best interest in the moment. It's perfectly fine to want a serious relationship with someone special who you care about. The timing of when you bring up such a deep conversation topic still needs to be considered, though.
This is a conversation that's better had while you're fully clothed in an environment where you feel comfortable and safe. If the conversation goes south, you'll save yourself from the embarrassment of having to awkwardly get dressed in front of the other person before seeing yourself out. Defining the relationship is an absolute must if it's something you're personally prioritizing. All you have to do is save that important conversation for the right time and place.
A critique of their body or hygiene in any capacity
One of the meanest things you could do to another person you've just hooked up with is critique their body or hygiene in any capacity while they're still in bed with you. It's cruel to make someone feel insecure about how they look or smell after they've just shared themselves with you physically. To put this in simpler terms, if you didn't like the way they looked or smelled after they first stripped down, you should have cut things off right there. There are plenty of excuses you can use to end a sexual experience before it goes too far. You can actually pull this off without hurting the other person's feelings.
Try telling them you're unable to follow through because you're still healing from trauma of a past relationship. You can get creative but don't continue hooking up with someone who isn't appealing to you based on their appearance or scent. If you decide to press on with someone who doesn't look or smell good to you, you can muster the courtesy of not criticizing them after the fact. If the hygiene issue is something you know could easily be corrected, you might consider bringing it up to them in a separate conversation away from the bedroom (if you intend on keeping them in your life).
Harsh opinions about their inability to pleasure you
Chances are, the person you just hooked up with wasn't able to pleasure you in the way you were hoping for. Still, this isn't an opportunity for you to spew harsh opinions about their inability to get you off in the bedroom. It's not the nicest thing to judge someone about their lack of experience right after you've finished doing the deed. Telling someone how disappointed you are in their incompetence will leave them feeling inadequate and downright terrible. If the roles were reversed, you wouldn't want someone making you feel like a failure after trying your best in the bedroom.
Put yourself in their shoes before saying anything that would break them down or make them feel bad. If this is a person you plan to keep in your life, you can sit them down at another time to discuss where things went wrong during the sexual experience. If they're open-minded and receptive, they'll likely be happy to follow any instructions you're willing to provide on how to do a better job in the bedroom moving forward. If this isn't someone you're planning to hook up with again at any point, it's not your problem to give pointers on how they can improve.
Your paranoia about their STD history
Paranoia about sexually transmitted diseases is completely normal. The fact of the matter, though, is that you should be having conversations about STDs before getting swept up in the heat of the moment and jumping into bed with anyone. If you are feeling paranoid about the STD history of your partner, this isn't something you should bring up right after sleeping with them. If both of you neglected the STD conversation before hooking up with each other, you still shouldn't bring up the topic of your paranoia about their STD history at that moment.
If you bring it up immediately after hooking up with them, they'll get paranoid about you trying to cover up that you might be living with an STD already, and you're trying to pass off the blame to them. They might also be offended that you would ask them something so personal, putting their integrity into question. Last but not least, mentioning your paranoia about their STD history right after hooking up can heighten their level of fear and anxiety if they're not completely up-to-date on their healthcare testing.
Your confession about a current STD
You should always disclose details about any current STDs you're living with before hooking up with someone new. Some of the incurable STDs one might be living with include hepatitis B, herpes, HIV, and HPV. The good news about being alive in this generation is that modern science and technology are on our side if the contraction of an STD happens. Anyone who contracts an incurable STD can still live a long and fulfilling life if they're keeping up with treatments and taking care of their well-being across the board.
Still, STDs carry a major stigma that makes them hard to talk about out loud in casual conversations. Regardless of how difficult it is to talk about your STD diagnosis, it's still vital that you share this information with a new partner before getting into bed with them. It wouldn't be fair to expose someone to something they're unaware of if you are already in the know. Even if you used protection, it will leave them feeling blindsided, jaded, and fearful about possible exposure. You can avoid all that drama by giving them a breakdown of your situation ahead of time.
A comparison of them against your previous partners
No one wants to feel like they're being compared to other people. Comparison is the thief of joy, after all. When you compare a new partner to previous ones, it will leave them feeling inadequate and deficient. You might believe the comparisons will light a fire beneath them to try harder in the bedroom if they hear about escapades of your past. This plan will likely have the opposite effect, though.
If your intentions are good — for example, you want to compare your new partner to old partners to build them up — you still have to tread very lightly with this. Just because the new person is better than your exes, they might not be excited to hear about them. Bringing up bedroom activities you remember with old partners is totally uncalled for after you've just shared a physical moment with someone new.
Instead, it makes the most sense to shift all of your focus onto your new partner by only bringing up topics of conversation that benefit both of you positively. You can certainly compliment whatever they did in bed without bringing up your exes in the process. You should also keep in mind that some people are genuinely turned off by the idea of picturing you in an intimate moment with someone else. It's best not to provide them with that type of imagery at all, regardless of your intentions.
Your desire to quickly get rid of them to move on with your day
Now that the hookup is over, you might be excited about moving on with the rest of your day. Your desire to quickly get rid of the person you hooked up with isn't a problem, but how you approach this situation should be kind. You've got a nail appointment in the afternoon, dinner with your best friend in the evening, and a few episodes of your favorite TV show to binge-watch later tonight.
There are tons of things on your mind, and you're ready to get up and get moving! When the person you've just hooked up with seems comfortable remaining perched in your bed without any signs that they'll be leaving sometime soon, it's normal to get a little frustrated. Your best bet for handling this situation is to make up a polite white lie to get them out of your place so you can move on with your day.
You can claim that you've got a work assignment, a friend emergency, or an overdue project to work on. You can even tell them you're running late for an appointment. Get creative with your white lie, as long as it's believable and realistic. You might want to avoid claiming you're feeling nauseous, dizzy, or ill. If this person is interested in sticking around, they might offer to nurture you back to health as a way of spending more time with you.
Your confession that this was your first time
Losing your virginity is a big deal. You can only have sex for the first time once in your lifetime. This is something you probably want to talk with a new partner about if you're planning to lose your virginity to them. People who have already been having sex for a while with multiple partners might not think of another hookup as a big deal. On the other hand, virgins taking this leap for the first time need to understand the gravity of their decision. The person you're sleeping with needs to be aware of your virginity status so they can decide if taking your virginity is something they actually want to do.
Taking someone's virginity isn't an ideal situation for folks who don't want the added pressure that comes along with it. You'll remember the first person you slept with for the rest of your life, and some people simply don't want to be on the other side of that. They might be comfortable as the fifth or sixth partner on your list, but maybe not the first. There are also plenty of people in the world who don't mind the idea of taking someone's virginity because they appreciate and respect the honor of it. Either way, the mindset of the person you plan to hook up with is necessary to understand when it comes to this topic before losing your virginity to them.
Revealing whichever number placement they've landed on your total list of partners
It's no one's business to know where they've landed on your list regarding your total number of partners. You might have three partners in your sexual history, or you might have 10. Your list of sexual partners might span beyond a number that people in your life will never be able to guess. It doesn't really matter what your body count number is, and it certainly isn't something you should bring up immediately after hooking up with someone new.
If you're inclined to talk about your body count number with this person, bring it up at a different point when you're not still in bed. And keep in mind that adults should never feel pressured to share such a personal detail about themselves with anyone if they aren't feeling comfortable enough to do so. It typically ends up being a no-win situation, anyway.
If you share a number deemed too low, others might be put off by your lack of experience. They might assume you're blatantly lying. If you share a number that's deemed too high, others may label you as promiscuous, easy, or used up. In other words, this definitely isn't something to bring up after you hook up with someone — but you also don't need to bring it up ever. If someone tries to question you about your body count, you can simply tell them you're not going to share it. Leave a little mystery.
Your shock and disbelief that it was better than you expected
You might think you're complimenting someone by expressing your shock and disbelief at how amazing they were in bed, but you're actually sort of smack-talking them. Telling someone you're so shocked they were better in bed than you would've ever guessed reveals that you assumed they'd be terrible in bed to begin with.
It's perfectly fine to compliment the person you're hooking up with in a way that doesn't also tear them down in a backhanded manner. You can tell them everything you enjoyed the most and believe your sexual compatibility is strong without showcasing a higher level of shock and disbelief in the process. The tricky thing about backhanded compliments is that most people doling them out don't realize how messed up they actually sound.
If you've ever been on the receiving end of a backhanded compliment, then you already know how frustrating it can be. Telling a person of color how impressed you are by their eloquence is a backhanded compliment. Telling a plus-sized man he looks good "for a big guy" is a backhanded compliment. Telling a woman who doesn't typically wear makeup that she "cleans up nicely" on the day she applies some lipstick is a backhanded compliment. You never want to be on the receiving end of these types of comments, and you never want to be the one saying them, either.
Anything regarding birth control usage or failure
An important conversation to have before hooking up with someone is about birth control. Waiting until after you've slept with someone to bring up the topic of birth control is too late. Anything regarding birth control usage or failure is a very touchy thing to say after such an intimate moment. The person you're sleeping with should be fully aware of any birth control methods you are (or are not) using.
Springing the news about your faulty birth control method on a partner you've just hooked up with is beyond cruel and unfair. If they were in the know about your forgetfulness to take your birth control pills at the same time every day, they might've approached their sexual experience with you differently. If they knew that your birth control ring was recently knocked out of its proper position, they probably would've considered other protection methods with you.
Open dialogue about your birth control method and its effectiveness is an absolute must. This rule is a little different if the two of you decided to rely on condoms, though. If the condom broke or tore in the middle of your hookup, it's crucial to discuss it right away. This conversation can save you from an unplanned pregnancy if you're able to get your hands on a morning-after pill or from contracting STDs if you head to a hospital to take early exposure and preventative medications.
Your disapproval of any sounds they made
Your partner might've made a few sounds you didn't approve of in the bedroom, but you still shouldn't bring that up to them immediately after getting intimate. There are plenty of uncomfortable things that happen in the bedroom that are totally normal! If your partner was hungry before the hookup started, you might've heard their stomach growl in the middle of getting it on. If a pocket of air got trapped inside their vagina while using toys, it might've ended with them pushing out a sound resembling passed gas.
If different areas of your bodies rubbed together awkwardly, it could've produced a loud squeaking sound. If they were smacking their lips a little loudly or clicking their tongue between kisses, that might've bothered you too. It's possible the way they were moaning was annoying and bothersome to you, also. People who moan during sex usually aren't aware of how they sound since they are lost in moments of pleasure.
It's incredibly mean to judge someone based on the sound of their moan since they never expected to be judged about it. You don't have to subject yourself to future sexual experiences with partners who make noises that turn you off in the bedroom. After going through a negative experience like this with someone, you can easily cut things off to avoid future troubles. Regardless of your game plan for handling this, it would be best never to make the other person feel bad about normal and natural noises.
That you've forgotten their name
The last thing you want to do after hooking up with someone is reveal to them that you forgot their name. Doing so shows how little you respect their existence. Having sex is a big deal to a lot of people. It's a wonderful part of the human experience that gives people the chance to explore each other sexually, enjoy all-encompassing pleasure, and even produce children if they want to.
To minimize sex by pretending that it isn't a big enough deal to you to remember your partner's name isn't an emotionally mature or considerate thing to do. This is another case of putting yourself in someone else's shoes. If you recently shared yourself with someone and then found out they didn't have the decency to remember your name, you'd probably be a bit perturbed by that.
Even if you don't think sex is a big deal, you'd still believe that person was rude for sharing a sexual moment with you without thinking twice about your name. Your best bet for handling a situation like this is to avoid the need to refer to them by name at any point following your hookup. You can end the night amicably without them realizing you don't remember their name, as long as you don't go out of your way to mention it.
How regretful you are
Plenty of people have had sexual experiences they've regretted. You create a hostile and uncomfortable environment with the person you just slept with if you express your regret to them in that moment. It's perfectly fine to feel regret after hooking up with someone for several reasons. Maybe the sex was terrible. Perhaps you had someone else on your mind the entire time. Maybe you knew you only agreed to hook up with them as a way of boosting your confidence. Whatever your reason, the regret or guilt that consumes you afterward can become overwhelming.
Still, you'll need to grapple with your regret on your own time. It's not their fault that you agreed to hook up with them. They shouldn't have to listen to you pour out your regret over the situation since all you'll be doing is making them feel terrible about themselves. Going through the emotions of feeling regretful after sex is enough to make anyone reevaluate their decisions before acting on sexual impulses. Instead of unloading your regret and negativity on a new partner, you can harness that energy into a brighter sexual future by making more thoughtful decisions about who you sleep with.