16 Signs Monogamy May Not Be The Best Option For You

There's no reason to force yourself into a box if you don't believe monogamous dating fits your lifestyle. To some, it might still seem taboo or edgy to consider dating outside of the monogamous realm, but that doesn't mean you need to subscribe to any narratives previously put in place by society. Most movies and TV shows we've watched (starting in our childhoods) tell stories of couples — consisting of two individuals — who fall in love. 


What if there was more entertainment that shed light on the positive outcomes that can potentially blossom from polyamorous relationships and open relationships? It's true that monogamous relationships work for tons of people who don't have any complaints about their statuses. That doesn't mean monogamous relationships were designed for everyone, though. People who struggle with monogamous relationships often feel like they've been set up to fail. It's possible that giving other types of relationships a chance could change your perspective when it comes to love and romance. There are signs to keep an eye out for that prove monogamy isn't the best option for you.

You've cheated in your past relationships

No one likes to admit when they've messed up, but it's important for everyone to own up to their mistakes. When you own up to your mistakes in a mature way, it leads to some serious character development and self-growth. A massive mistake we might make while dating is cheating on our partner in a committed relationship. When you cheat on someone who loves you, it leaves them feeling deceived, betrayed, and heartbroken. 


It's possible the person who was cheated on now struggles with trust issues because of the cheater's actions. Some people never find out their partner cheated because they dated someone who was incredibly savvy with covering their tracks. Still, the cheater could be stuck living with a sense of uncomfortable guilt because of it. If you've cheated in your past relationships (whether you got away with it or not), that's a huge sign monogamous relationships might not be your cup of tea. If this type of situation has happened with you in more than one relationship, you definitely should consider polyamorous dating.

You don't believe one person will be able to fulfill all of your needs

It's normal to have fears about your romantic relationship. It's also normal to have doubts about where things are headed. Having concerns about whether or not your partner will be able to fulfill all of your needs is a common thought. The main difference between monogamous and polyamorous daters is that monogamous people understand their partners probably won't be able to fulfill all of their needs at any given time. Still, they choose to make their relationship work without seeking out varying specifics from other people. 


Polyamorous people don't feel the need to settle down in a relationship with someone who only meets a percentage of their needs. They might enjoy dating one partner who fulfills their needs sexually and another partner who fulfills their needs emotionally. They might have one solid relationship with someone who takes care of them financially and another relationship with someone who knows how to make them laugh. Polyamorous daters aren't expecting one person to provide everything. They're happy to seek out different benefits from multiple lovers.

While in monogamous relationships, it always feels like something is missing

Whenever you're locked down in a monogamous relationship, does it feel like something significant is missing? If so, there's a high probability that monogamous relationships might not be for right you. This is something to consider if your relationship is seemingly perfect, but you know there's something wrong that you can't quite place a finger on. Your partner could be everything you ever wanted on paper, but you still feel like something is lacking. 


Instead of trying to ignore these feelings or brush them under the rug, you should think about why these emotions are coming over you. It's not fair to any partner you choose to monogamously date if you're secretly growing resentful and annoyed by them. Negative energy toward them will undoubtedly sprout if you're internally convinced that something is missing from your love story. It's possible your frustrating feelings would disappear instantly if you opened your relationship and started dating other partners.

You have the desire to explore sexual connections with multiple people

Getting fully comfortable with your sexuality takes tons of maturity, self-discovery, and self-growth. If you feel like you have a strong desire to explore sexual connections with multiple people at any given time, this is a surefire sign that a monogamous relationship isn't right for you. In fact, feeling like you're stuck in a monogamous relationship with one person who isn't satisfying your sexual needs can lead you down the path of resentment and frustration. It often also leads to cheating. 


Polyamorous daters enjoy sexual experiences with whomever they please without having to live with any cheating guilt. If you decided to lock it down in a monogamous relationship with one person, it wouldn't be morally ethical for you to go behind their back and cheat on them. Enjoying sexual interactions with as many people as you want doesn't need to equate to infidelity if you and your partners are on the same page with candid honesty.

You're comfortable with the concept of sharing

Reflect on your childhood and think about how difficult or easy it was to share your toys when you were young. If it was easy for you to share the coolest items from your toy box with all the kids in your class, it's safe to say that you're comfortable with the concept of sharing. If you were comfortable sharing things that mattered to you as a child, then you're probably still comfortable with that same notion in your adulthood. 


Although toys are nowhere near as serious as real relationships, the base of your mindset remains the same. People who choose to date monogamously can't stand the idea of sharing their lover with other people. Monogamous people can even become quite possessive of their partners. If the idea of sharing a romantic partner you really care about with other people doesn't bother you at all, it might be the time to think about polyamorous dating.

You aren't the jealous type

Jealousy is the root cause of relationship issues for plenty of couples. When you're plagued with pangs of jealousy, it makes you feel helpless, out of control, and angry. The idea of losing your partner to someone else can fill you with fear about what's to come. Jealousy can lead to a path of aggression with words, behaviors, and actions. Struggling with an emotion as intense and harsh as jealousy isn't a walk in the park for anyone. 


If you're one of the lucky ones who doesn't deal with jealousy in romantic relationships, it's possible you would thrive in a polyamorous relationship. Those who are polyamorous understand their partners are going to be romantically involved with other people. Instead of succumbing to jealousy or rage, polyamorous people tend to stay calm while being happy for their partners who might be finding joy with other people.

Great communication has always been a skill of yours

If you're going to thrive in a successful polyamorous relationship, great communication is key. If your communication skills have always been on point, you can totally expand your horizons. It's wonderful to have superb communication skills in a monogamous relationship, but that doesn't mean a monogamous relationship is ideal for you as an individual. When you date more than one person at a time, you need to communicate with everyone equally and honestly. 


It can be stressful to juggle multiple relationships if it isn't easy for you to open up about your feelings or express what's on your mind. Great communication requires patience, understanding, and maturity. Making sure you aren't stepping on anyone's toes, making anyone feel insecure, or blatantly lying about anything is hugely important. When your communication skills are top-of-the-line, it's effortless for you to navigate the world of polyamorous dating.

You feel resentful of partners who've pressured you to commit

Has there been a time in your life when you really liked someone, but they wanted you to commit before you were ready? You might have agreed to commit to a monogamous relationship out of fear that you would lose them entirely. These types of situations often lead to resentment because it's unfair for anyone to pressure someone else to commit before the time is right. 


It's possible you had genuine feelings for a special someone in your life, but you knew deep down that you weren't ready to have a monogamous relationship with them. If you decided to move forward anyway to avoid losing your connection with them, you likely felt that the situation wasn't fair for you. When it comes to polyamorous daters, there's no reason to cave to pressure from anyone who wants to commit. Even if you do start dating someone, you'll still have the freedom to date other people, which removes loads of stress from your shoulders.

You're highly independent

There's nothing wrong with being an independent person. In fact, it's pretty impressive if you consider yourself to be independent. Being an independent person typically means you're capable of taking care of yourself in all aspects of life. This means you've got your obligations handled, whether you're dealing with work responsibilities, setting aside a travel savings fund, or making sure your car's tank is full of gas. It's common for highly independent people to feel a bit suffocated in monogamous relationships. 


When you're super independent, it makes sense that you'd want to spread your wings and do whatever you please without being bogged down by rules. In monogamous relationships, there are some very strict rules to follow! The biggest rule is that you're not supposed to be romantically or sexually involved with other partners. If you feel like your independence is getting in the way of your comfortability in that department, monogamous dating might not be for you.

You don't care about society's opinions

Society will have a lot to say if you decide to openly start polyamorous dating. Society has convinced many people to believe monogamous relationships are the only way to approach love. If you're the type of person who doesn't care what society has to say about your personal choices, you're the perfect candidate to experiment with polyamorous dating. You can gauge whether or not you care about society's opinion when you think of other lifestyle choices you've made in the past. 


For example, getting visible tattoos and piercings was considered a hugely negative thing to do for a long time. Society claimed tattoos and piercings would impact the perception of you in the workplace. Whether you're the type of person who's personally interested in tattoos and piercings or not, your opinion on the matter will shed light on the type of thinker you are. If you never thought tattoos and piercings were a big deal, then you're probably not the type of person who treads lightly before making decisions based on what society would say.

Monogamy makes you feel trapped

There's nothing worse than feeling like you're trapped, no matter what your circumstances are. Feeling trapped at a toxic job will make you feel exasperated and depressed because you're grappling between wanting to quit and knowing you won't be able to pay your bills if you do. Feeling trapped in a terrible lease will have you feeling defeated and frustrated as well. You'll grapple between wanting to break your lease to move and knowing that if you do, it will be difficult to start over fresh somewhere new. 


The same emotions come into play when you feel trapped in a monogamous relationship. You're left feeling bored, disappointed, and disheartened by your situation. You know deep down that you want to explore romantic connections with other people, but you don't want to risk losing it all with the person you love. You might not want to succumb to the temptations of cheating, either.

The idea of a larger network of support appeals to you

Having a larger network of support might sound incredibly appealing to you based on the current circumstances of your life. If this is something that interests you, the idea of polyamorous dating probably makes a lot more sense. When you're in a monogamous relationship, your main stream of support typically comes from your romantic partner. What happens if they're overwhelmed with their own life problems? What happens if they're super busy with a loaded schedule of obligations? 


It's possible your partner won't always be there for you in the ways you need them to be. When you open yourself up with vulnerability to more than one person in the dating realm, you give yourself the chance to pull in a larger network of support from multiple streams. One partner might be too busy to answer your call, but that doesn't mean another partner won't be there to pick up your call on the very first ring.

You believe the amount of love you can give is being wasted with one partner

Have you ever considered yourself to be someone with an unlimited amount of love to give the world? If so, it's possible you might start believing the level of love you can share is being wasted with one partner. When you date multiple people at a time, you have the opportunity to showcase your love to multiple people in a multitude of ways. One of your partners might consider touch to be their love language. Showing them love consists of holding their hand, giving them back rubs, and offering them occasional massages. 


Your second partner might consider words of affirmation to be their love language. Proving your love to them looks like sending thoughtful texts, leaving heartfelt notes on their bathroom mirror, and writing lovey-dovey poetry to give them on holidays. The amount of love you have within you to share with other people never needs to be capped with one partner if you decide to expand beyond monogamy.

You're great with balancing your time

There's an art to time management. If this is something you're thoroughly good at, dating more than one person at a time could be a fabulous lifestyle for you. You'll know you're great with balancing your time if you have an awesome schedule to stick with, you never show up to appointments late, and you're widely recognized for being a reliable person. You'll know you aren't talented with balancing your time if the people closest to you are always being disappointed by your lack of timeliness or preparation. 


If you miss deadlines at work or turn in assignments late at school, you probably don't have a great handle on time management. It's easier to date monogamously while struggling with time management since you only have to worry about one romantic partner's needs. As soon as you start dating more than one person, you'll have to start taking note of everyone's availability as you sort your plans.

You prefer excitement over stability

Are you the type of person who prefers excitement over stability? This is a huge sign that monogamous dating probably isn't your vibe. The stability that comes with monogamous dating is perfect for people who want to feel completely secure and steadfast in their relationship. Knowing you'll always wake up next to your significant partner before falling asleep beside them each night is a huge benefit for people who enjoy monogamous relationships. 


People who don't care about this level of stability, on the other hand, tend to be more concerned with seeking moments of thrill and exhilaration. If you're the type of person who gets fired up by the idea of trying new things all the time, it's possible the stability of a monogamous relationship will cause you boredom. It's quite difficult to become stagnant as a polyamorous dater since there will always be zesty, new interactions around every corner to anticipate.

The idea of open relationships and poly dating intrigues you

Your curiosity about open relationships and poly dating simply means you have an open mind. Your curiosity showcases your receptiveness to stimulating possibilities in the realm of love and romance. If the idea of experimenting with open relationships and polyamorous romances with new people is something that interests you, these are thoughts you should listen to, run with, and explore openly. 


It's not fair for you to settle into a monogamous relationship with someone you aren't on the same page with. A monogamous partner will expect a lot out of you, including complete faithfulness and dedication. Don't put anyone in a position to get deceived, betrayed, or heartbroken by your future actions. If you know you won't be able to stay loyal, the easier route to take would be dating people who understand that polyamorous dating and ethical non-monogamy can be done safely and morally.