How To Know If Your Beau's Family Is A Dealbreaker

If you've been in an extended relationship before, you know that along with your significant other, you are also inheriting their parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. If you are the type of couple who choose being around each other for holidays or special events, enjoying each other's families will benefit you for sure. However, what do you do if you love your partner but cannot stand their family? Is this worth breaking up over?


So many things can get in the way of your relationship progressing in a good direction, and you don't want other members of your partner's family being one of them. Political viewpoints, aggressive opinions about your life, or argumentative language at the dinner table can really take a toll on your relationship (via The Zoe Report). If you are finding yourself in misery any time your could-be-future-in-laws are around, consider these things when deciding whether or not to call it quits.

Communicate your feelings

The first thing you should do before making any decisions you may regret regarding your relationship is talk to your partner about your feelings. Because they likely grew up in a household with the very people adding stress to your life, it is also likely they don't notice the things that bother you. Start by being complimentary about the things you appreciate about their family. This will open lines of communication and help you start on the right foot (via Health). By expressing your feelings with them, your beau may be able to intervene before your next event with their family members. In addition, if your family is the one causing problems for your partner, acknowledge their feelings, and see which route they would be most comfortable with your exploring to make the gatherings peaceful. Communication may be all that is needed to oust any bad feelings between the two (via Good Therapy).


Identify the behavior that has you on edge. If you can name the cause of your stress, it will be easier for your partner to address. For example, if they are intrusive to a level of discomfort for you, explain that your boundaries are not being respected. Showing up unannounced, calling at all hours of the night, or giving their opinions without being asked are examples of boundary-crossing behaviors. Even though it may be difficult to start this conversation with your beau, all parties involved will benefit from identifying what is not okay with you (via Romper).

When it's time to leave

If you've tried to name the stressors and communicate with your significant other, and your concerns are not addressed, it may be time to seek therapy together. Your therapist will help you establish the deal breakers so that there is no confusion about what you'll tolerate from your partner or their family. If the issue is still not resolved, and the family's behavior is toxic to your mental health or gets in between the life you and your beau are trying to establish, then it may be time to take a break, cut back on the occasions when you see the family, or call it quits completely (via The Zoe Report). 


Take note of the things holding you and your partner back from happiness. If your boundaries are not respected, and your mental health is suffering from the toxicity, it may not be a salvageable situation. Your mental health should come first, and if the relationship is strained because of the stress the family brings right now, you could be setting yourself up for even more turmoil and bitterness in the future. However, if you can communicate clearly and find a common ground, you could find a happy medium where you'll end up respecting the love your partner has for their family (via GoodTherapy).