Getting Married But Hate Having The Attention All On You? Here's How To Cope
Your upcoming wedding is something to be happy and excited about! What could be more enjoyable than spending a day or night celebrating your and your partner's love for each other? Weddings are lovely. However, we all know that despite being so much fun, planning weddings can cause a lot of stress. There are even movies devoted to how stressful upcoming weddings can be — we've watched "Bride Wars" and "27 Dresses" more times than we'll probably ever admit.
Figuring out where to look for a wedding dress you'll adore and budgeting for your wedding dress alterations can cause a lot of nervousness for every bride. But we need to shed light on another aspect of weddings that can cause anxiety, especially for introverts: all the attention. For more extroverted brides, all the attention that comes with a wedding is a dream come true. But if you're more of a shy bride who prefers to avoid the spotlight, we see and understand you. Luckily, there are many ways to potentially eliminate or at least cope with the extra attention.
Opt for a small wedding, if possible
This first suggestion won't be doable for every bride, such as people with huge families. However, if you aren't obligated to have a large wedding, a smaller one is the better choice, as fewer people means less attention on you. A small micro wedding is an excellent option for anyone who wants a wedding with close loved ones instead of a crowd.
"Get your marriage license, hire an officiant, and grab a few friends, then get married somewhere you could never have a typically-sized wedding," Annie Lee, the principal planner at Daughter of Design, told Brides. "Whether it's the front steps of the New York Public Library, at the top of the Empire State Building, or in your childhood home's living room, take advantage of the small size and go somewhere you couldn't go otherwise." So, why not opt for a micro-wedding to help place more attention on the unique venue than yourself?
Eloping is another option! Choosing to elope is nothing to be ashamed of, and you can even find videos on TikTok of couples showing their positive eloping experiences. Eloping is the option that will give you the least amount of attention, which is perfect for shy brides. In addition to helping you avoid too much attention, a micro wedding or elopement is typically significantly more affordable than a bigger wedding.
Don't post too much on social media
Many people use social media to get more attention, so if you want to avoid attention, don't overdo it on social media. We've all seen those cute wedding countdowns and couples who post what seems like every second of their wedding planning journey on social media — but if you don't like the spotlight, you should keep more of the process private. While social media can be fun, it has some downsides, and those negative aspects typically offend introverts more than extroverts. You should especially avoid posting on social media if you hope to prevent negative attention.
"Twitter isn't always the ideal platform for kind, constructive feedback," Jonathan Bennett, a Columbus, Ohio-based certified counselor and founder of Double Trust Dating, told WeddingWire. "You don't want to share photos of dress ideas or intimate moments in your wedding planning, only to deal with possible mocking and condemnation of your choices." While an extrovert might just laugh off any rude comments, those unkind words might deeply hurt an introvert. Thus, if you don't even like the type of attention where people run up to you and tell you how beautiful you look and how happy they are for you, you probably will hate the inevitable rude "attention" you'll find on social media.
Avoid asking friends, family, and acquaintances for help with planning
While it can be tempting to ask friends and other people you know for help and recommendations regarding your wedding, asking for wedding-related assistance and favors will instantly put you in the spotlight. So, if you don't want everyone putting you in the center of your circle because of your wedding, avoid asking anyone besides your fiancé and a professional planner for help. Hiring a wedding planner can help you with all the details, saving you from unwanted attention from everyone you know and the stress of figuring everything out yourself.
"What you are investing in is the experience of planning weddings that a wedding planner has, the ability to foresee any issue or problem ahead of time, a roster of amazing vendors they are able to refer to you, and the list goes on," Lara Mahler, the founder and chief planner of The Privilege is Mine wedding planning collective, told Brides.
If you're worried about money, many DIY wedding-related options can help you save money on food or decorations without asking for favors. For instance, TikToker @theweddingboss posted a video showing viewers how to make a classy yet easy centerpiece.
Be honest about how the attention makes you feel
When your friends and family put you in the spotlight because of your upcoming wedding, they probably don't recognize that it makes you uncomfortable. If you have a lot of extroverted loved ones who enjoy being in the spotlight, they probably just assume that you enjoy it, too. So, if your friends and family are making you uncomfortable by constantly urging you to talk about the upcoming wedding in front of the group and asking you many questions, tell them how you feel.
While you might feel nervous about telling your loved ones that you aren't enjoying all the attention and would prefer them to stop putting you in the spotlight because of the wedding, being honest is always better than hiding your feelings. As long you share your feelings in a kind and respectful way, your friends and family should accept that you don't enjoy all the wedding-related questions and comments — even if their intentions are good. "A good friend is able to read between the lines of what's being said because they pay attention, and they know your heart. ... A good friend pays attention to the details because you care to take the time to understand the heart of your friend," Chaute Thompson, LMHC, told MindBodyGreen. Thus, if your group truly cares about you, they'll know that your request for less attention isn't meant as an insult — it's just about your comfort.
Don't lose sight of why you have all the attention in the first place
Although you don't like being in the spotlight, don't forget that you have all the attention for a great reason — you're getting married! An upcoming wedding is something to be excited about, and no matter how much you hate being the center of attention, you should be happy to get married. Your time in the spotlight at your wedding isn't the same as a work or school presentation. No one is going to judge you, fire you, or give you a bad grade for stumbling as you walk down the aisle or feeling nervous when reading your vows. Fear of attention is valid and understandable, but remember that the focus is on you because you're starting a beautiful new chapter, so try to channel your stress into happiness.
As long as you ensure your wedding is enjoyable for everyone with a great venue, music, food, and drinks, your guests will be too busy having fun to judge you for your nervousness. "Guests have usually been to countless weddings and can predict what's coming next... Inject personality and thought into every aspect of your celebration and friends will be talking about the fun they had for years to come," Jennifer Stiebel of SoCo Events in Washington, D.C., told Bridal Guide. Just focus on planning a fun experience for everyone rather than stressing over what they'll think of your speaking and dancing skills.
Use healthy techniques for a calmer mindset
Meditation is a helpful and healthy way to handle nervousness and anxiety before walking into the spotlight. "I recommend all people — that includes all patients I have — learn which [meditation] techniques work for them, and then practice it routinely," Mike Roizen, M.D., chief wellness officer at the Cleveland Clinic and chairman of the Vitamin Packs medical advisory board, told Prevention. There are many apps for meditation you can try, so test different options to see which one best helps you cope with all the overwhelming wedding-related attention.
Don't forget that your fiancé is in the same situation as you, so talk to them when all the attention is causing you stress, whether before or on the big day. Sometimes, all you need is a hug from that special someone to make you feel better when you're overwhelmed. Moreover, don't turn to alcohol or drugs to cope with the stress on or before the wedding. Not only is relying on them unhealthy, but people tend to act differently when under the influence, which will likely only lead to more attention on you and a higher risk of embarrassment.