4 Common Excuses That Make You Sound Self-Centered (& What To Say Instead)

You don't have to be arrogant to sound self-centered. Sometimes, all it takes is a harmless excuse you've said a hundred times without thinking. The problem is that certain phrases can make people feel like you're dismissing their needs, even if that's the last thing you intended. To understand why this happens, Glam spoke exclusively to Dr. Sanam Hafeez, an NYC neuropsychologist and the director of Comprehend the Mind.

"Many people reach for excuses because it feels safer than admitting they were wrong," she explains. "Some people were raised to believe that mistakes equal failure, so they panic and defend themselves out of habit. Others are afraid of how they will be perceived, so they try to control the story instead of just being honest."

The trouble is, making excuses can quickly become a habit. What feels like a simple explanation to you could sound like an excuse to everyone else. Over time, this damages relationships because people stop trusting you to communicate honestly. The good news is that this is totally fixable. Identifying and coping with these emotional blindspots can turn you into your best self and improve your relationships with everyone. As Dr. Hafeez says, "Learning to take responsibility is uncomfortable at first, but it creates space for honesty, respect, and real growth." The first step is knowing which phrases to avoid and how to replace them with healthier communication.

It's a capitalist world, and chances are, except if you're retired or a privileged Nepo baby, your schedule is quite full. The reality, however, is that this is the same for everyone. Dr. Sanam Hafeez explains that while saying "I've just been busy" is a valid excuse, it often sounds egotistical. "... it can come across as dismissive because it implies that the person's time and responsibilities matter more than yours," she explains. "Over time, it makes others feel like an afterthought."

And considering that it's generally understood that we make time for what matters, this excuse can be quite damaging. Thankfully, during our exclusive chat, she shared ways to get the message across while being more considerate. "Instead of making an excuse, you could say something such as 'I should have made more time for you, and I'm sorry I didn't,'" she says. "This keeps the focus on accountability rather than offering a vague excuse that centers your own schedule."

More importantly, it shows that you value and respect their time and feelings, and consider them a priority. It also sounds a lot more genuine. As a bonus tip, you should stop using phrases like "it's not a big deal" with your partner to avoid ruining your apology.

Having a healthy relationship means being accepted for who you are, but that truth is more layered than it seems. Your right to acceptance doesn't erase your responsibility to grow and avoid hurting others. When people say, "That's just how I am," they may be trying to be honest, explain themselves, set boundaries, or even defuse tension.

However, as Dr. Sanam Hafeez explains, "This can sound self-centered because it prioritizes personal comfort over understanding how one's behavior might impact others." To avoid this, there are ways to express self-awareness without invalidating someone's feelings or using your personality as a shield. " ... a better response would be, 'I know I have that tendency, and I understand why it upset you,'" Dr. Hafeez shares exclusively with Glam.

This approach signals a "willingness to grow" and sets a precedent for mutual respect. It also makes it easier to voice your own concerns and expect the same understanding in return. Just be sure not to counter-complain. Bringing up your own grievance immediately after someone shares theirs can make you seem defensive, and being too defensive in a relationship is a surefire way to ruin it.

Do you often find yourself in situations where your memory lets you down and you have to admit that you forgot something? While forgetting is totally normal, saying a curt "I forgot" can make you sound self-centered, especially if it happens often. "When used repeatedly, this phrase can hurt because forgetting something meaningful suggests it wasn't significant enough to remember," Dr. Sanam Hafeez tells Glam exclusively. "It unintentionally communicates that the other person or event wasn't a priority." 

Instead of simply saying "I forgot," try: "I completely missed that. I'm sorry." This admits that it slips your mind and communicates your regret and apology. However, an equally important part of showing you value someone's time is avoiding repeated excuses, no matter how valid they seem. Repeated apologies without change can feel manipulative. If you often forget plans with others, put in the work to learn how to take full advantage of your days off work. That way, your empathetic communication is backed by genuine change.

If you often find yourself "telling it like it is" or saying "I'm just being honest," what you're really doing is prioritizing your need to speak over your ability to make people want to listen. That's a problem. Beyond airing your thoughts, your words may serve little purpose other than coming off as mean. Research backs this up. Multiple studies, including a 2011 review in the Journal of Applied Psychology, show that when feedback is inconsiderate in style and content, it can be destructive.

The review explains that destructive criticism can lead to a lack of trust between the receiver and giver of that criticism, along with the receiver blaming the giver and believing the feedback-giver "intended to harm them." In other words, "honesty" delivered without care isn't productive; it makes people defensive, damages trust, and reduces the chance they'll hear your point.

If you realize your words have been hurtful, don't hide behind "I'm just being honest." Instead, try: "I didn't mean to come off like that. I should have communicated better." Also, when giving feedback, one simple way to improve communication in your relationships and soften delivery without losing truth is the "criticism sandwich." Start with praise, share your criticism, and end with praise. As Dr. Sanam Hafeez shares exclusively with Glam, "When you stop trying to sound right and focus on being real, people trust you more and feel heard."