Your Guide To The Throning Dating Trend From Our Relationship Coach

For better or worse, the dating world has changed. Finding love for millennials and Gen-Z has become something previous generations would hardly recognize thanks to the cost of living crisis, dating apps, and the influx of dating trends. Some of the crazes are new and unheard of, like the gross dating app trend known as "whelming," while others are just age-old behaviors with fancy new names. According to dating and relationship coach Nicole Haley, one trend that's naturally popped up in a world where we live through a camera lens is throning. "Throning is when someone dates (or keeps dating) someone not because of real chemistry or connection, but because that person adds to their image," she tells Glam exclusively. "Think of it as the dating equivalent of name-dropping: They're not in it for love, they're in it for social status."

People have had relationships with less than honorable intentions since the dawn of time, but throning is exclusive to the age of social media, where image can seem like everything. "It's less 'I'm really into you' and more 'You look great next to me on Instagram,'" Haley explains. "Basically, it's the modern-day version of gold-digging or social climbing, where someone's less interested in you and more into the perks of being seen with you and associated with your shiny, well-connected reputation. In practice this looks more like brand collab than genuine connection."

Throning is a common trend, but luckily for those who are suspicious that "someone was more into your network than your well-being," as Haley puts it, it's fairly easy to tell when someone is throning you. You just have to know what to look for.

Just like other dishonest people in the dating world, throners can be convincing as they play you. But there are a few key signs that indicate that your new boo is more interested in your follower list than your values. Being overly curious about said follower count, along with "who you know or what people are saying about you" is one of the biggest red flags that you're being throned, says Nicole Haley. Another sign is "over-the-top compliments and constant name-dropping in public or on social media, not so much about you, more about how good you make them look," she exclusively tells Glam. Haley also notes that it's always a warning when the person you're dating is "charming and sweet" in front of people, but "oddly distant or cold" when there's no audience to witness their behavior. 

Additionally, a throner won't be interested in getting to know you on a genuine level. Say you have a sizable social media following because you run an account where you share your artwork — a throner won't care about your hobbies other than what you share on your pages. A person's dating history shouldn't necessarily be held against them, but Haley cautions that if they only ever date people who are "cool, hot, and popular," you should think twice.

"The relationship always feels a little one-sided," she goes on. "[Throners are] more concerned about your image as couple than an authentic connection." She adds that one of the most obvious signs of this is that person suddenly disappearing when you're going through a tough time. If any of these signs ring true, then you might have a throner on your hands, and if that's the case, Haley confirms that "it's okay to walk."

Along with knowing what red flags to look out for, Nicole Haley explains that suspecting a throner is one of those instances where you should follow your instincts and trust your gut. "If things feel weird, get curious; you're probably not being paranoid," she tells Glam exclusively. "A lot of the truth shows up once the newness wears off." She recommends bringing your concerns up with your new flame and taking note of how they react. "Do they listen, or get defensive?" she asks. Avoiding or deflecting can say more than their words ever will."

While chatting with the person you suspect of throning you, it's crucial to set boundaries. "Get clear on what you need," Haley advises us. "You're allowed to ask for emotional consistency and connection, not just Instagrammable moments." She says that it can help to check in with yourself about your own self-worth and remind yourself that you're so much more than a social media account or an image: "Come back to your own power, your values, and what you're actually looking for in a relationship." 

Once you've spoken to your partner and reflected on how you're feeling, you might decide that the relationship does feel a lot like throning, and it's absolutely acceptable to leave it behind if that's the case. "Real relationships aren't just highlight reels," Haley reminds us. "They have depth, messy moments, and mutual care." If you're noticing repeat patterns of throners wasting your time, it might be worth considering dating outside of your type and seeing who else is on the market.