Boomer Dating Trends That Gen Z Wouldn't Understand Today

Seeking out love and connection may be a basic human impulse, but even this fundamental yearning isn't immune to the passage of time. Looking back over 100 years of dating, we can see that the norms of romance are just like any other social trend: ever-changing. Even in the past few generations, a stark divide starts to emerge — Gen Z would be baffled by many Boomer dating trends.

These trends weren't necessarily bad. We'll admit, some outdated relationship habits actually deserve a comeback. "People can benefit from old-fashioned dating habits because in the past, dating wasn't as clinical and impersonal," dating expert Samantha Daniels told Bustle in 2018. "People actually interacted more directly, had more personal conversations, and got to know each other one-on-one and face-to-face instead of relying on Google, dating app profiles, and the internet," she added. "Dating and falling in love is the most personal thing in your life, so how you fall in love and how you date should be personal as well."

Still, some of these 'personal' dating norms from eras gone by would probably send Gen Z into a tailspin of horror and confusion, especially when compared to the ease and ubiquity of dating apps. From the brief anonymity of personal ads to the stress of impressing a partner's family (before even landing the first date), certain Boomer dating trends seem incomprehensible today.

Before the advent of internet dating, it wasn't always easy to meet new suitors outside your immediate social circle. Enter personal ads, or as they're sometimes called, lonely hearts ads. Submitted to local newspapers or magazines for publication, personal ads were usually brief blocks of text describing the writer and what they were looking for in a partner. It was basically a way of soliciting your own blind dates when there was no mutual friend to act as a go-between.

"I did this a few times successfully," one user confessed on Reddit. "You would post an ad and then wait for letters in the mail. Sometimes you would write back and ask for pictures or a phone number, and sometimes you got those right away. It took patience." What's more, some boomers have reported an extra hurdle to lonely hearts match-making — they had to go pick up all their personal ad replies from the newspaper office in person.This timeframe would probably seem awfully slow to Zoomers, who are used to swiping right and left immediately. 

Of course, as with any blind date, the meet-cutes from personal ads could be hit or miss, and the medium attracted plenty of posters with unusual tastes. Take, for instance, this gem uncovered on Instagram: "Is there a large, athletic woman with successful girl-wrestling, roller derby, or barbell experience who would care to meet a tall but decrepit old ugly gentleman?" There was also no way to predict who might answer your ad, as another Redditor commenter discovered. "I did it once in the mid-'80s. I was surprised at how many letters from inmates I received."

In the 1950s and 1960s, drive-in movies were a staple social outing among both families and young daters, with 4,000 drive-in theaters scattered throughout the United States (per The New York Film Academy). Of course, for couples, the point wasn't necessarily the film, so much as the privacy — plenty of paramours just wanted a socially acceptable place to cuddle up together. In fact, paying too much attention to the screen landed some daters in trouble. As one Boomer recalled in a nostalgic Facebook thread, "My gal Laura and I went over 100 times to the Ridge Drive-in. One time, I was interested in the movie, and she was angry with me for that. Never looked at the movie after that."

A quick scroll through the rest of the thread shows this was a common experience at the drive-in. Many commenters made jokes along a common theme: "There was a movie?" And several referenced an old nickname for drive-in theaters, which were sometimes called "passion pits" for their popularity among amorous couples.

Nowadays, drive-in movies are a dying breed, but curious romantics in Gen Z (or any other age group) can still try out this old-fashioned dating trend with a bit of research. Websites like DriveInMovie offer searchable databases of drive-ins still operating today, giving younglings the chance to go parking like a true Boomer, at least for the anecdote.

If you thought personal ads were awkward, brace yourself. Back in the day, hopeful singletons could also peruse matches through video dating profiles. These profiles essentially put a face and voice to the personal ads trend and allowed for a lot more detail. One of the most popular video dating services, called Great Expectations, kicked off in 1976 and ran full-steam ahead through the '90s. Clients would come into the office and record a short interview, after which they could browse through other clients' videotapes to find profiles that they liked.

"My wife found my profile first, so I had a note at the front desk that [she] was interested in me. ... [I] found the tape with her interview on it, fast-forwarded to the correct number on the revolution counter," recalled one video dating veteran on Reddit. "Her interview was a total disaster. [...] I only watched it to the end as sort of a 'pity watch.' And then, at the very end, she smiled. And I was toast. We were engaged 6 months later and married in August 1989. Our 34th anniversary is next month."

Another Redditor recalled their less successful experiences with the medium. "Did this back in the early 1990s. ... For me, it was an awful experience. I never was asked on a date but picked five different guys. One never responded, one turned me down, and the other three, there was no chemistry. ... Did nothing to my self-esteem and made me feel bad about myself. I would never do it again. I know for some people it worked out, but it didn't for me." Zoomers may be used to recording videos on their phones all the time, but video profiles are awkward in a way TikTok trends aren't. We wouldn't blame Gen Z for finding video dating a bit "cringe."

There can be a lot of pressure to get things right on the first date, but many Boomers had to traverse a labyrinth of judgment before they even got out the door. Back then, it was common to interact with a date's family before taking them out. As relationship expert Fila Antwine told Bustle in 2018, "Potential partners were introduced to immediate family members early on. ... That was helpful in seeing how daters behaved around respected members of the family and ... created an overall sense of security and safety for everyone involved."

Certainly, it exposed a lot of would-be partners to protective parents. As one user recalled on Reddit, "Female friend in high school had a first date. Date showed up and beeped the horn. Dad walked out, introduced himself, and informed the guy that if he didn't come to the door to pick up his daughter, he couldn't date his daughter. Sent the guy away." Another Boomer reminisced on Facebook, "Met her father at the door. He asked, 'Who's your daddy? Who's your granddaddy? Where are you taking my daughter? You will have her back by 10:00, exactly like she was when she left here. Understand?'"

Even phone calls weren't safe. No one had cell phones, which meant that any communication had to go through a family's communal landline. "When a boy wanted to ask you out, he'd call your home phone. This was the '70s. It was so awkward and embarrassing with your family within earshot," one user told Buzzfeed. Gen Z grew up with personal cell phones as an everyday commodity, so they would find the idea of having to share a landline horrifying, especially if it meant having parents around for such intimate phone calls.

In today's tangled romantic landscape of casual hookups, open agreements, and situationships that simply aren't going anywhere serious, it can be hard to put a label on a relationship. Boomers suggest that this was easier for their generation, who drew a hard line between casual dating and making things official — or, as they called it, "going steady."

"These days the word 'dating' means two things — short-term 'dating around' ... and 'long-term commitment/exclusivity.' These are very different concepts, and I think it plays a small part in both miscommunication and people's ability to commit," remarked one user on Reddit. They added that this is a shift from older patterns, where you could date without muddy waters around the idea of exclusivity. "Dating reduces the pressure of getting to know someone and thus reduces the 'It's complicated' phase. Then, when you decide, 'Hey, I think I'd like this person to stick around,' you could decide to go steady."

This system wasn't perfect, however. While there could be a lot less ambiguity in the dating scene, the rush to apply labels sometimes meant glossing over the get-to-know-you phase altogether. "My granddaughter is 16 years old, and they are so smart about their relationships. They spend a lot of time 'talking' before making a relationship official," one Boomer told Buzzfeed. "Not us. In the '80s, guys said, 'Do you want to go with me?' And that was it. We'd be in a relationship." The only thing for certain is that every era has its ups and downs when it comes to dating.