Are You Guilty Of 'Dry Begging'? What To Know About The Passive Aggressive Relationship Behavior

One of the most toxic things you can do in a relationship is something you may not even be aware of. In fact, you or your partner may even do it to each other unintentionally. This particular red flag is known as "dry begging." Dry begging is a form of indirect communication in which one partner uses passive-aggressive language or gestures to gain sympathy or inspire action from the other. If you've ever heard or said something along the lines of, "It must be nice to have a partner who plans dates every week" or "I'll do the dishes myself since you won't," that's dry begging. Like the other huge red flags to address in a new relationship, dry begging is a surefire way to foster hostility and resentment over time.

Glam spoke exclusively with New York City-based licensed social worker and relationship therapist Judith Aronowitz to find out more about this terrible communication style. She said that dry begging is seen as a manipulative way to get what you want — long-term, this can lead to resentment and eventually erode trust. "Often, someone will use this indirect mode of communicating when they fear being vulnerable, admitting to having needs and to possibly avoid rejection," Aronowitz explained. "Hinting or beating around the bush may feel psychologically safer. Sometimes 'dry begging' is a more deeply rooted behavior related to fear of vulnerability, low self-worth and not believing one's needs matter." But don't fret, if you tend to dry beg to your partner or other loved ones, there are ways to kick the habit and create healthier relationships. 

If you or your partner find out that you tend to fall into dry begging when it comes to communicating, you may be wondering if you can really improve this toxic habit in the relationship. Don't fret, there are steps you can take to change this pattern. Relationship and family therapist Judith Aronowitz told Glam exclusively that one of the best ways to stop dry begging is to communicate clearly with your partner about what's been going on. Like clear-coding: the dating trend that demands honesty, you should provide an open, safe space to talk about the passive-aggressive behavior and how your partner can communicate their feelings more directly. "Practice sharing needs and desires with each other. When partners engage in meaningful conversations about their needs, they are more likely to get those needs met and feel closer ... building strength and security," Aronowitz said. "Empathy for one another and expressing vulnerability between partners can create close bonds." 

Aronowitz also advised using "I" statements as a healthier way to frame requests, rather than coming off as demanding or resentful by implying that your partner isn't meeting your needs on purpose. "Requests are more likely to get your needs met than criticisms. Accept the possibility that the answer could be no," Aronowitz explained. "That just means you may need to compromise or negotiate an issue." At the end of the day, honest conversations are the best way to reduce dry begging in your relationships. Without open dialogue, resentment and hostility have space to grow — and it becomes even more difficult to repair your bond.