'70s Star Shirley MacLaine's Open Relationship With Her Ex-Husband Was Ahead Of Its Time

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When it comes to relationships that stand the test of time, there's no one specific recipe for pulling it off. All relationships, whether they're romantic, platonic, or familial, require effort from everyone involved, and communication needs to be front and center. But for some, like Shirley MacLaine, who was married to film producer Steve Parker from 1954 to 1982, the secret to a long and happy marriage was keeping it open.

"We were friends and I guess you would say 'practiced an open marriage' in 1954 ... which was another lifetime," MacLaine told People and Entertainment Weekly's Jess Cagle during a SiriusXM town hall in March 2016. "No one understood it, we did. He lived in Japan basically, I lived in America working, and this and that."

Although the couple eventually divorced in 1982, during those 28 years their arrangement worked for them and even included the two having a daughter together, Sachi Parker, who was born in 1956. But as much as an open relationship may look like the two involved are having their cake and eating it too, it's not that simple and requires maintaining rules and boundaries. If these aspects aren't established and respected, then the marriage can get messy — just like any other relationship. Still, it's a relationship option that MacLaine stands by and attributes to the success of her marriage.

While there are many different ways to have an open relationship, it ultimately comes down to the two people in the marriage being on the same page. For example, if one partner wants an open relationship and the other doesn't (but just goes along with it), that's a major red flag that opening things up will create bigger problems. Each partner should have an equal interest in pursuing this type of relationship, and while their reasons why don't need to be identical, there should be a shared understanding of how the core relationship will benefit. From what Shirley MacLaine said of her marriage to Steve Parker, it was their friendship that allowed the open part to work.

"We'd meet up, always great friends, traveled sometimes together," MacLaine explained during the 2016 SiriusXM town hall. "I think that's the basis for a long-lasting marriage, if you really want to do such a thing ... I would say better to stay friends and we don't have enough time to talk about the sexuality of all." 

MacLaine shared that both she and Parker were very open about the sexuality end of things. However, to what extent, she didn't specify. For some open relationships, there's a don't ask, don't tell policy (DADT), while others adhere to disclosed consensual non-monogamy (disclosed CNM), in which either partial or all details about sex outside the primary relationship are discussed.

In April 2011, Shirley MacLaine published her memoir "I'm Over All That: And Other Confessions," and she didn't hold back. Throughout the collection of essays, MacLaine detailed the lovers she had during her 28-year-long marriage, including actors Robert Mitchum and Danny Kaye, as well politicians, former Canadian prime minister Pierre Trudeau and the former prime minister of Sweden Olof Palme. In her memoir, she wrote that her longest relationship with a political figure was with the foreign minister of Australia Andrew Peacock.

"I think the need to promise to be with someone until the end of your days is foolish," MacLaine told The Saturday Evening Post in September 2013 when she was asked about loving someone forever, adding that monogamy just makes her laugh. "I think the real challenge of love is more about sustaining a relationship with yourself. If you don't have that with yourself, you can't have it with others" (via USA Today).

While open relationships are still very much in the minority, more people are becoming curious as to what ethical non-monogamy is and how it might work for them. According to a 2023 Pew Research report, 37% of the U.S. adults surveyed considered open marriages "completely unacceptable," while 13% regarded them as "somewhat unacceptable," with more men than women in favor of these types of relationships. But if MacLaine and Parker managed to stay together for 28 years, which is practically an eternity in Hollywood, then maybe an open relationship is the necessary ingredient for a successful marriage, after all.