Is It Ever A Good Idea To Refuse To Compromise In A Relationship?
When people talk about healthy and successful relationships, the two words we hear most are communication and compromise. You can't have a partnership that truly flourishes without working on your communicative skills, nor can that relationship be fair if there isn't a give and take — you know, compromise (via Psychology Today).
Despite being one small word, compromise can carry a lot of weight with it. Partners can compromise on which Wes Anderson movie they'll watch on Friday, but something like having kids is a whole other type of compromise. "Compromise is coming together and finding a solution agreeable to both parties," relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating Jonathan Bennett tells Bustle. "It shows that the relationship itself is more important than being 'right' all of the time or always getting your own way... Compromise usually involves assessing your priorities and focusing on what you value most."
But what happens if you don't want to compromise? Can you stand your ground and refuse to compromise and still maintain your relationship? Well, it depends on what matters to you.
Understand what healthy and unhealthy compromises look like
Is it ever a good idea to refuse to compromise in a relationship? Short answer: yes. A relationship is between two (or more) people, and those people bring their personalities and differences to the table. Among those possible differences are your beliefs, values, how you see the world, boundaries, dreams, passions, and the relationships you have with your friends and family — none of which should ever be compromised for someone else, no matter how much you might love them (via Bonobology). For someone to ask you to compromise on these parts of yourself, is asking for an unhealthy compromise because it means going against who you are.
When we choose to make sacrifices for our partner that go against our belief system because it feels like it's the right thing to do for the relationship, then things become unhealthy. "I know that sounds cliche but if you had a lot of interests, friends, family, a great job, and independence and now you find yourself with none of those things, you have given in and given up way too much," self-love activist and women's freedom coach Susan Ball tells Elite Daily. "You have become a person-pleaser and in the process sacrificed all that was important and loved by you." Even if you don't realize it right away, in giving up so much, you've become a shadow of the person you were before you entered into the relationship
Decide what's most important to you
While there are things you may have to give up for the sake of the relationship, they shouldn't involve pieces of yourself. They should be more along the lines of not having the whole bed to yourself anymore, going to your partner's family events even though you might not be that crazy about them, or maybe even moving because you or your partner scored a dream job; these are things that involve both of you, whereas an unhealthy compromise puts one person in the driver's seat, making the relationship one-sided (via Naya Clinics).
For some people, stepping back and allowing their partner to be in control actually works. But for others, it's not just a nightmare, but a suffocation of the spirit and everything they hold dear. If you want to pursue your dreams, eventually have kids, and raise them Buddhist, but your partner doesn't want that, then you don't compromise. Instead, you walk away. Love is great, but no one was put on this planet to morph into their partner and be the person they want you to be instead of the person you are.
So, is it ever a good idea to refuse to compromise in a relationship? Yes! We only come around this way once. If someone can't respect and embrace all that is you, then they're the ones that need a lesson in compromise — or they need to step aside and watch you go.