5 Ways To Let Your Partner Know You're Ready To Get Engaged
So, you've met "the one" — congratulations! You do everything together, you make each other laugh like mad, and all those quirks that no one else before truly appreciated about you are the stuff that makes your partner swoon with sheer ecstasy. It's so perfect and ideal — something that feels plucked from a Nora Ephron film — and you want to lock it down as soon as possible.
There's just one problem: your partner hasn't even floated the idea of getting engaged. In fact, it's never even come up in conversation. Like, ever. When it comes to getting engaged, even if you're ready and you know it, it doesn't always mean your partner is, because we sometimes find ourselves on our own trajectory of when tying the knot feels right (via The Gottman Institute).
"I always suggest couples move out of the honeymoon phase before getting engaged so they are going in with eyes wide open," licensed marriage therapist Elizabeth Earnshaw tells MindBodyGreen. "During this stage, couples are often highly influenced by lots of love hormones ... [that] make us more likely to magnify the good and minimize the bad." Still, if you know you're ready, here are some ways to tell your partner that you're ready to be engaged.
Use someone else's engagement to initiate conversation
Whether it's someone else's engagement or if you're attending the wedding of a friend or family member, this can be a good time to start the conversation (via The Knot). For example, asking "I can see this for us in the future, can you?" or similar questions can get the dialogue around getting engaged moving.
It might seem like a weak move to use someone else's relationship milestone to start a conversation about a milestone of your own that you're hoping to reach, but from a psychological standpoint, it makes sense. When someone gets engaged or married, it has other people around them thinking about it, too. That's why it's so common that groups of friends end up engaged around the same time. Not to be morbid, but the same goes for when someone is diagnosed with a serious illness or passes away: people take stock of their own lives because we're influenced by the people and events around us, even if we don't realize it.
Tell them what they mean to you
As much as you love your partner, what makes a successful marriage is the positive effect you have on each other and how much you bring out the best parts of each other that really matters. We meet hundreds, if not thousands, of people in our lives, and it's the rare few that not only make us better people but also make us want to be better people.
"It's really not about them, as it is about you," life coach Kali Rogers tells Bustle. "It's all about what kind of person you are, become, and feel like when you're in their presence. Love should bring forth confidence and security." You can also tell them what it means to you to wake up next to them every morning for the rest of your life and share with them your favorite successful marriages, how your marriage will be just as successful, and how excited you are for that.
Communicate honestly about it
If your partner is totally clueless as to your desire to get engaged, then being as upfront as possible is the best way to handle it (via Thrive Global). You can't expect your partner to pick up on every hint and sly wink you throw their way during every wedding scene in every movie or every time you say, "My ring finger feels really naked lately, babe." These things just don't work.
"Many people are hesitant to have this conversation, perhaps because they're afraid of rejection, or fear that the other person might feel rushed into something," behavioral scientist and personal development coach Dinorah Nieves, Ph.D., tells Wedding Wire. While fear of rejection to such a topic is definitely real, as is being scared that you might make them feel like they're backed into a corner, if you keep the conversation honest and open — and void of any ultimatums — you may find yourself pleasantly surprised.
Make talking about the future romantic
For some people, talking about the future can be downright terrifying. But, with a bit of finesse, it doesn't have to be that way. If you can talk about the future in a romantic way that will inspire your partner to want to evolve toward that future, then you're setting the scene for a proposal. "A great balance is when couples can talk candidly about their future together while diligently focusing on the best they can be in the present," family behavioral specialist Dr. Jennifer Freed tells Thrillist.
Of course, this doesn't mean you should skip the logistics, but if you've been together long enough — at least six months or more — then you already know each other's personal beliefs, core values, politics, and religious affiliation (via Elite Daily). That's the stuff that, while not always romantic to discuss, is what will be the foundation for a successful marriage.
Remember timing is everything
Although there may not be one "right" time to get engaged or get married, there is a right time to broach the subject (via MarthaStewart.com). For example, bringing it up when you know your partner is dealing with some heavy stuff, either personally with their family or at work, is not a good time. It might seem like putting out there the idea of happily ever after can be a positive light on what's been bothering them, but if they're not ready, it's just going to add to their stress.
Also, avoid bringing it up at family gatherings or in front of other engaged friends. It's one thing to talk in private about getting engaged after a friend has been proposed to, but putting your partner on the spot in front of others is a bad idea. Of course, being proposed to in front of friends and family members is a different story. For some, that's the dream!
Ultimately, when it comes to letting your partner know you're ready to get engaged, you need to be honest about it. No one got anywhere dancing around such an important topic because people aren't mind readers — not even someone who knows you so intimately. And, for all you know, your partner might be just as ready, but they're fearful to let you know too. So, take the risk and just put it out there. You have nothing to lose and so much to gain.