How Can Knowing Your Lust Language Enhance Your Sex Life?

If you've done any reading on relationships, you've probably stumbled across the idea of love languages. These five languages are used to explain how we each give and receive affection, whether through gifts, compliments, or some other expression of love. You may have even taken steps to figure out your love language and ensure you and your partner are on the same page, romance-wise.


But while love languages can be a great tool for expressing our regard, they don't always align with our sexual desires. Enter a similar concept known as the five lust languages.

Also called your "erotic blueprint," your lust language describes how you experience arousal — essentially, what turns you on (via Goop). For many of us, especially women, it can be tough to verbalize what we want in the bedroom. But lust languages provide a structured way to confess our needs and desires, find out what really titillates our partners, and communicate our way to a more satisfying sex life.

Why do lust languages matter?

As a society, we tend to have a lot of hangups around sexuality — in particular, whether our desires or sex drive is "normal." But Right as Rain, a site by UW Medicine, points out that there is no "normal" when it comes to sexuality. Your interest in intimacy is personal and defined by more than just your gender or hormones. "Doctors struggle enough to define normal sexual activity, so it would be impossible to say someone has a normal or abnormal sex drive, except perhaps on extremes," endocrinologist and male fertility expert Bradley Anawalt, M.D., tells the site.


Instead of simply categorizing your sexual drive as high or low, it makes a lot more sense to approach the idea of desire with some nuance. That's where lust languages come in. By explaining the many different styles of arousal, lust languages help us view sexuality less as a black-or-white, yes-or-no duality, and more as it really is: a spectrum. Moreover, lust languages can help you remember that there's no need to feel embarrassed or damaged if you don't get turned on in a specific situation (via Delicto). After all, not everything is going to be sexy to everybody.

So how can you put these lust languages to work for you? The first step is to figure out where you fit in. As Jaiya Ma, somatic sexologist and creator of the erotic blueprint concept, explains to PureWow, there are five lust languages altogether: energetic, sensual, sexual, kinky, and shapeshifter.


Which lust language type are you?

Per Curious Fox, energetic lovers are all about teasing and anticipation. They like to enjoy the suspense of foreplay and can get turned off if sex is too hurried. Sexual lovers, on the other hand, tend to become aroused easily and may have fewer distractions or hangups. They're turned on by obvious triggers like nudity and may be more likely to rush to the finish line in pursuit of an O.


Sensual lovers want the whole sensory experience, from scented candles to mood lighting, and need to relax and get out of their heads before they can really get in the zone. They also like to get playful with their senses and are likely to enjoy anything that adds another level to lovemaking. (Cue feathers and chocolate sauce.)

Kinky lovers, as you might expect, have more unconventional tastes. They may be interested in psychological games like roleplay or dominance or veer toward edgy physical acts like spanking or hot candle wax. The kink scene has been controversial in years past, but nowadays, society is becoming more open-minded. Experts are even advocating for affirmation and validation around sexual interests like BDSM (via Psychology Today). So if you have a kinky streak in your lust language, there's nothing to be ashamed of.


Finally, shapeshifting lovers are into the entire range and spectrum of sexual appetites. They're equally happy to rush through foreplay or take hours exploring each other, and don't mind dipping a toe into something a little taboo. But shapeshifters also have a high sexual drive and can get bored without new stimulation.

Feel yourself resonating with one erotic blueprint already? Fantastic! But if you're seeking even more insight, you can also take Jaiya Ma's lust language quiz, currently priced at $17 online.