Your Guide To Letting Your Crush Know You're Into Them
Crushes happen. Whether you're single or not, you can get a crush on anyone whom your body and brain have decided to fancy. It usually comes on strong, almost obsessively so, and then you get doubly hooked because of all the adrenaline and oxytocin that comes with having a crush on someone. The addiction is real.
"Of course your brain is wired to want this euphoria, so you think of them often and you want to be around them more," licensed professional counselor Natalie Mica, LPC tells Bustle.
Although Merriam-Webster defines a crush as "an intense and usually passing infatuation; the object of infatuation," the key two words to focus on are usually passing. For some, that crush lingers and with the right amount of nurturing can turn into love. Research has even found that there are techniques that can be used to turn a crush into a relationship, according to Psychology Today. But before you can even start thinking about love and relationships, you need to hold up. First, you need to let your crush know you're crushing on them.
Assess your feelings
Because crushes can be fleeting, you really want to take time to question the legitimacy of your feelings. While there's nothing wrong with a short-lived, fantasy-driven crush, you don't want to tell someone you're into them without knowing the real them, then move on to another crush next week. Basically, you don't want to pull a Romeo by having a crush on Rosaline, then moving on to crushing on Juliet just because you sneak into a party you weren't invited to.
"When you have a big crush, it's easy to forget that the object of your desire is a person with flaws and emotional baggage," relationship expert Maddy Court tells MindBodyGreen. "You can build a whole fantasy around someone you don't know very well, especially if you're spending a lot of time lurking on their social media."
You can't date an idea of someone. Especially if your idea and the real thing don't line up. Make sure you actually know your crush, before the big reveal.
Consider your timing
As you've probably heard, when it comes to relationships, timing is everything. The same goes for all things related to matters of the heart. With this in mind, don't just run up to your crush and tell them your feelings without making sure the coast is clear from anything that could ruin it.
"For instance, if either one of you is recently on the rebound, I would absolutely wait," couples therapist Gary Brown, Psy.D. tells Cosmopolitan. "If there has been a recent traumatic incident such as the death, serious illness, or injury to someone close to either one of you, then it is better to wait until your emotions and thoughts are more even."
When people are in vulnerable situations, they sometimes act without thinking. If there seems to be safety in the scenario that you're offering each other, then it could lead to a quick attachment that isn't exactly healthy (via Healthline).
Find the right venue
When you're admitting to a crush, you want to come off cool about it because you have no idea what the person you're crushing on might say. The best way to keep things relaxed and without any apparent expectations from your end is to keep it as casual as possible. For example, over a drink one night when there hasn't been any big build-up or tension. Texting, too, can be an option because texting is a casual way to communicate.
"[Telling your crush you like them is] really hard to do face-to-face, almost impossible for people," professional matchmaker Frankie Bashan, Psy.D. tells Refinery 29. "It's already so bold and courageous, so it's over-the-top to expect someone to be there face-to-face and then stand there waiting for an answer."
With a text, you'll wait for an answer, but at least it won't be face-to-face. You'll also have time to craft the best conversation-inducing texts and the perfect response to whatever they tell you (via Elite Daily).
Just say it
Whether you choose in-person or over text, once the moment has arrived, don't dawdle; just tell them. "Simply let them know that you've been noticing that you find yourself enjoying their company more and more," couples therapist Gary Brown, Psy.D. tells Cosmopolitan. "Perhaps let them know that when you think of them, you find yourself smiling. It's even okay to be a bit silly. If the chemistry is mutual, this may not be all that hard to do to begin with."
If you're concerned it might be strange or awkward, lead with a cute compliment (via Mom Junction). Letting them know you really like something about them — their taste in music, their smile, the way they laugh, their charming little idiosyncrasies — will show them that it's not just about noticing them, but seeing them. Everyone loves compliments, even if they don't admit it, and it's a good way to break the ice before saying the actual words.
See what happens -- then go from there
So ... you've said it! You've told your crush that you're smitten as can be and now they're just looking at you speechless. If they had no idea that this could be even remotely possible, then you can't blame them. You also should respect what they have to say — no matter what those words are. "Be mindful that the person you are telling has an obligation to their own feelings," dating expert Maria Sullivan tells Seventeen.
You may get lucky, and your crush has been thinking about you the same way all this time, or the answer may not be the one you hoped for, and those feelings aren't reciprocated. If it's the latter, you can't let yourself get too upset. You can be disappointed, but don't get angry at them or yourself. "We take it personally if somebody isn't interested in us when that [rejection] doesn't mean something about us, it means something about our crush," licensed marriage and family therapist Emily Simonian tells Elite Daily. "It doesn't mean we aren't good enough or we aren't lovable or we aren't attractive."
What's most important about telling your crush that you're into them is that you spoke your truth. No one can fault you for that, because it's a truly admirable, bold move. If you had kept it to yourself, you might have regretted it. Now you won't.