Signs You're Moving Too Fast In Your Relationship
There's something fun and exciting about getting involved in a brand-new relationship. You get to experience new adventures with someone you're attracted to. You get the chance to learn about them on a deeper level. However, one of the biggest problems that comes into play when entering any relationship is if one or both people wants to move way too fast. According to Brides, new relationships are beautiful things because they're filled with discovery, possibilities, and potential. It's easy to keep your new relationship as healthy as possible when you refrain from comparing your new partner to your ex-partners, you don't embellish or exaggerate your personal truths, and you take the right amount of time before agreeing to any major life changes with them.
The unfortunate truth is that moving too fast can sabotage your relationship and completely ruin it before it has a chance to be a genuinely positive thing in your life. eHarmony explains that while the thrill of seeing your new person and enjoying those butterflies in your stomach is generally great, there are still tons of smart things you can do to keep your relationship moving at a healthy pace. Now, here are the signs you're moving too quickly.
They want to move in together too quickly
If your relationship just started and your partner is already wanting to move in together, you might have a major problem on your hands. Up Journey explains that moving in with your significant other is one of the biggest decisions you can make since it can either make or break your romantic union. The outlet suggests waiting at least a year to move in together or waiting until you know each other well enough to be completely honest about everything. Live Bold & Bloom adds that you should definitely avoid moving in with your new partner if you're unable to discuss money openly, you're in the midst of navigating major life challenges, or you and your new partner are constantly finding things to argue about.
Although some couples love the idea of moving in together sooner than later to save money on expenses by splitting bills, moving in with someone out of convenience should never be the route you take. You should also avoid moving in with your partner if you feel like they're pressuring you to do so or if you know deep down that you aren't actually in love with this person. When any relationship is new, it's difficult for people to separate what they see through rose-colored glasses and what's reality. It would be terrible to move in with someone who treated you amazingly during the first few weeks of dating but switched up their behavior after months of cohabitating.
They infiltrate your social circle
It's normal for you to be excited about introducing your new partner to your friends. When it's time to introduce the people closest to you on a platonic level to the person you are dating, it's a very big deal! This only becomes a problem if the person you're dating is pressuring you to spend time with your friends before you're ready for it. If your new partner is pushing you for a chance to infiltrate your social circle, you might want to reconsider things. MarketWatch suggests waiting about three months before introducing your significant other to your friends.
Insider, on the other hand, says that the amount of time you wait before introducing your partner to your friends should simply depend on what feels right for you without putting a strict timeframe on it. If you feel shrouded in uncertainty whenever you think about introducing your partner to your friends, your gut instinct is probably giving you a warning. Your new partner might believe that if they can become close with your friends, it will help solidify your relationship even more. At the end of the day, it depends on how you feel about letting them meet the people who you care about platonically.
They're too insistent about meeting each other's families
Introducing a new partner to your family is just as important as introducing them to your friends. It all comes down to timing, though. If you're wondering when the right time is to make these important introductions happen, you're not alone. Madame Noire reminds everyone to keep in mind that parents and other family members might become emotionally invested in the person you bring home. If the relationship isn't built to last, you could be getting their hopes up and letting them down if the relationship falls apart shortly after.
Furthermore, Insider notes that the amount of time you've been dating someone isn't the best way to decide whether or not you should introduce him to your family. It really comes down to how you're feeling about the person, how the thought of introductions impacts your nervous system, and if you believe the relationship is headed in a serious direction. All of these things are hard to gauge when the relationship is incredibly new. Each individual person should decide how much time they want to wait before making introductions like these, but it should never happen when their relationship is way too fresh.
They're already discussing marriage
The subject of marriage and wedding planning is incredibly romantic, for two people who are in a solid and long-lasting relationship. If your relationship is still incredibly new and your partner is already discussing marriage, it could be a huge red flag. Lifehack explains that it's fair to bring up marriage early on if it's a nonnegotiable for you down the line, but it's not something brand-new partners should be harping on within the first few weeks.
There are a lot of factors to consider before discussing getting married including differences in culture, familial expectations, religion, social status, age, and more. When a relationship is brand new, it's difficult to cover all of these heavy-hitting topics right away. MarthaStewart.com notes that conversations about marriage shouldn't take place until you've established commitment and trust with your partner. Without commitment and trust, most relationships are doomed to fail. The truth of the matter is that the process of building trust in a relationship certainly takes time. That being said, it's smarter to wait until a relationship is further along before bringing up something as serious as getting married.
They're already discussing having kids with you
Having kids with someone is arguably a bigger commitment than marrying them. Sharing a child with someone bonds you to them for life, even beyond the child's 18th birthday. If your relationship is brand new and your partner is already talking about having kids with you, it should be considered a red flag. Metro explains that having conversations about childbearing is totally normal and healthy in long-term relationships, but it has to happen at the right time and in the right way.
It's smart to make sure you and your partner are on the same page about having kids early on because if you're not, it can be a dealbreaker. But aside from making sure you're on the same page, the topic of actually having kids should be put on hold until the relationship is way further along. Best Life notes that figuring out if you both will want kids together down the line is a must before you invest years of your time. It's a perfectly fine conversation to have at the beginning. But if they're already pushing you to get started on a pregnancy journey right away, things are moving too fast.
They want joint bank accounts too quickly
There's no real reason to have joint bank accounts with someone who you're newly dating. Joint bank accounts are meant for couples who are married or couples who are living together and splitting the bulk of their bills. If you just entered a new relationship and your partner is already pressuring you to create a joint bank account to combine finances, it's a red flag.
The Balance Money notes that combining finances with a new partner can lead you down the path of getting hurt financially. Sharing money is something you should only do with someone you deeply trust. If the relationship is new, you likely haven't had a chance to build up tons of trust just yet. Chime says this isn't a decision that should ever be taken lightly.
One of the biggest cons that comes along with opening a joint bank account is the possibility that you'll lose all of the money you placed in the joint account when the relationship ends. If your partner is pushing you to start a joint bank account early on in the relationship, you have to consider how it will benefit them, how it will benefit you, and how it might possibly be detrimental. Becoming less independent and exposing yourself to potential theft should be at the forefront of your thinking.
One of you is still battling feelings for an ex-partner
It's clear that your relationship is moving way too fast if one or both of you is still battling romantic feelings for an ex-partner. Regain says that while all relationships are different, it's important not to bring lingering feelings for your ex into a brand-new relationship. The Washington Post explains that it's not exactly fair to jump into a relationship with someone new when you're not over your ex just yet.
Although there is a famous phrase that says the easiest way to get over someone is to get under someone, it's a very risky route to take. Your new partner will possibly end up feeling like nothing more than a rebound. You have to ask yourself questions about whether you still love your ex or if you're simply just grieving the loss of what could've been with them. Some of the best ways to get over an ex include journaling, meditation, and talk therapy. None of these healing measures include involving a brand new person. Starting a new relationship while you're unhealed can lead to failure.
You just started dating and you're sharing your GPS location
When you're in a brand new relationship with someone, there's no real reason for them to have 24-hour access to your GPS location. If your new partner is already insisting that you share your GPS location with them at all times, it's a red flag. USA Today explains that sharing your location with someone should always be your choice, and should never be something that you feel forced into. If you feel like you're sacrificing your privacy or your own values by sharing your GPS location, it's probably not the right thing to do.
CNBC Make It breaks down the difference between practicality and the controlling nature of someone's desire to have access to your GPS location. Your partner might want your GPS locations in order to make sure that you're safe at all times, but if the relationship is still brand new, it could also be a sign that they are way more possessive than what is considered healthy. You should take into account how comfortable you'll feel knowing that your partner will see where you are at all times throughout your day. If the thought of that creates anxiety inside you, you probably shouldn't move forward with their desire.
You alter your personal goals to appease them
If you've noticed that you're already making major sacrifices and altering your life goals to keep things running smoothly in your new relationship, chances are you're moving way too fast. The Easy Wisdom says you should never make compromises about your greatest aspirations, regardless of any relationship you find yourself in. Greater Good Magazine explains that you should consider how committed you are to your relationship before giving anything up. If you've known your entire life that you want to write a children's book, but your new partner says it will take too much of your free time, you shouldn't let go of your dream based on what they have to say about it.
If you are determined to finish your education by enrolling in college classes, but your new partner thinks that you'll be way too busy for them, you're dealing with signs that they might be trying to manipulate your future. When dating someone new, you should expect your partner to be encouraging of your plans to create a better and brighter future. If they are already squashing your hopes and aspirations early on, it's a sign that things are moving too fast in the wrong direction.
They seem to be love-bombing you
There are tons of ways you'll be able to tell if your new partner is love-bombing you early on in the relationship. Love bombing is a term that's been around since the 1970s, according to DailyOM. When someone love-bombs you, they shower you with compliments and offer grand gestures to make you fall for them faster or make you believe that your relationship is more serious than it is. Healthline explains that when you're being love bombed, your partner will overwhelm you with lovey-dovey actions, behaviors, and words as a technique of manipulation.
The relationship might be moving too fast if you notice that your partner is love-bombing you by trying to convince you that you're more deeply involved than you really are. If you notice that they are constantly sending you lavish gifts, bombarding you with emotionally driven text messages, or guilting you into giving them your undivided attention, there's a chance you're being love bombed. If your brand new partner is trying to convince you that you're soulmates when you barely know each other or they're proving to be dismissive of your boundaries, it's obvious that you two are moving too fast.
It already feels like you're losing your identity
Maintaining a sense of identity and individualism within your relationship is incredibly important if you want your relationship to last. If you feel like you're losing your identity when dating anyone, the relationship might not be healthy for you. According to PsychCentral, it's normal and common to get swept up in a new romance. If you notice that you're no longer making time for your friends and no longer partaking in the activities you once loved though, you might want to reevaluate.
Slice says it's obvious that you've lost your identity in a relationship if you feel a constant need to please your partner no matter what the cost. If you feel like you're starting to question your own feelings, you're living your life on your partner's schedule, or your priorities have drastically shifted, it's possible that your relationship isn't exactly ideal for you to be in. When your relationship is still new, it should be easy for you to keep your priorities and interests in their rightful places.
Your instincts are shouting warnings at you
When you're in an unhealthy relationship, your gut instincts will often send you messages and warning signs that it's time to get out. The Minds Journal says that our subconscious and unconscious minds communicate with us often. It's our job not to ignore the hints that we are receiving from our bodies. Marriage.com adds that the best way to understand your intuition is to pay attention to the way your brain and gut are feeling when you think about your partner.
One of the common ways your intuition might be sending you a message about your partner is if you feel drained after talking to them or spending time with them. In that same token, if you're constantly fantasizing about what your life would be like if you were single, your instincts are likely shouting at you. If you feel like you can't be your most authentic self with your partner, it's another indication that your intuition is trying to protect you.