10 Signs That You're Not Ready To Get Into A Relationship
There's nothing wrong with being single, despite what some in society would like the world to believe. There's something incredibly powerful about embracing your time as a single human being and enjoying each passing moment along the way. According to Insider, it's totally okay if you're not ready to be in a relationship. Finding good, strong, healthy romantic unions is a difficult struggle in and of itself. When you couple that with the fact that you just might not be ready to date anyone, it makes all the sense in the world why you would remain single.
NDTV reveals that it's normal to daydream about what your future relationships will look or feel like, even if you're not in a place to commit to anyone at the moment. Seeking romantic connections takes so much energy, effort, and time. Does it make more sense for you to invest that energy, effort, and time into yourself instead of someone else? These are some of the surefire signs you should pay attention to if you're on the fence about relationships. There are several internal red flags you shouldn't ignore that might be warning you that you aren't ready to date right now.
You still have feelings for your ex
One of the biggest and most blaring signs that you're not ready for a new relationship is if you're still struggling with lingering feelings for your ex. Maybe the relationship ended abruptly and you didn't receive the closure you needed. Regardless, those lingering feelings must be dealt with. Relate explains that there are several steps to take when it comes to moving on from a failed relationship. You might start off feeling stuck, but after you can accept what happened to cause the split by gaining a wider perspective, you'll be able to move in the right emotional direction.
ReGain recommends asking yourself several questions after a breakup to figure out where you stand emotionally. Are you genuinely still in love with your ex or do you simply miss the person you thought they were? Is it possible that you're simply grieving the loss of what could have been with that person, even though that fantasy would have never turned into reality?
Whatever the case may be, it's not fair to jump into a new relationship when you still have your ex on your mind. You'll know you're ready to give your heart to a new person when heavy-hitting thoughts of your ex are no longer consuming you.
You're in the middle of a major life transition
Starting a new relationship probably isn't the smartest route to take if you're in the midst of a major life transition. According to Citizen Advocates, there's a long list of common life changes to take into account. If you're in the process of relocating to a new place, you've just been diagnosed with a severe illness, you're in the process of going through a divorce, you're in a recovery program for an addiction, or you're in between jobs, you might not be in the ideal position to date someone new.
Licensed psychologist Drew Adelman explains that change is inevitable and transitions "are life's way of asking us to reexamine our present way of being and force us to develop and grow as individuals" (via DrewAdelman.com). It's obviously more uncomfortable when changes strike suddenly, but it's important to realize that they will continue to happen as long as you're alive. Is it fair to start dating someone in your hometown when you know you're about to relocate for work or school? If you're in the middle of searching for a new solid and steady career path, does it makes sense to put yourself out there romantically when you aren't sure how you're going to make ends meet for a while? There's a lot to consider when it comes to going through massive life changes. The reality is that new relationships can suffer when they are built on shaky and unstable foundations.
You've never been single for long periods of time
If you're habitually jumping from relationship to relationship, it might be time for you to be single for a minute. According to Exploring Your Mind, one of the biggest reasons people jump from one relationship to the next is so that they can avoid the grieving process of a breakup. Another reason is that a person might be trying to cover up the fact that they are codependent and scared to be alone. Cision PR Newswire reveals that most people have a 25% chance of starting a new relationship after seven months of being single.
Seven months is a decent amount of time to collect your thoughts and work on personal healing and growth. Anything less than that might be a sign that you're rushing into a relationship you aren't ready for. If you look back on your relationship history and notice that there's never really been an adequate amount of time between each one, consider remaining single for a while. Personal development can be achieved within a relationship, but it can be easier to accomplish when you aren't tied down.
When you wait a solid amount of time between relationships, you give yourself the chance to heal from whatever you went through, meaning you're not carrying any negative trauma into your new relationships. It would be unfair to your new partner to have to clean up the emotional mess that your ex created.
You have negative feelings about the gender you're attracted to
It's incredibly common for people to vent and complain about the dating pool while still showing an interest in finding new relationships. This isn't exactly super healthy, though. According to The Guardian, it's totally possible for you to be repulsed by the very gender you're supposed to be attracted to the most. The outlet shared a story about a 25-year-old woman who knew she was attracted to men, but still felt disgusted by men based on traumatic experiences she had with her father and bad memories from her past failed relationships. Instead of thinking about men in a positive light, she was overwhelmed with feelings of disappointment. Those feelings made her question whether or not dating a man was even worth it.
According to Psychology Today, there's a grey area when it comes to healthy sexuality and attraction. If you're feeling turned off and grossed out by the people you're supposed to be romantically connected to the most, you probably aren't in the right headspace to put yourself in the dating arena. It's also true that if you continue to affirm pessimistic statements such as "men are trash" or "there are no good men left for me," you will continue to see those statements come true in your reality like self-fulfilling prophecies.
You enjoy a sexually liberated lifestyle with multiple partners
Unless you're in a monogamous relationship with one person, there's nothing wrong with enjoying a sexually liberated lifestyle where you can indulge in hot and heavy experiences with multiple partners. If you're the type of person who loves to freely and casually hook up with whomever you want, a committed relationship might not be in the cards for you anytime soon. The only exception here would be if you choose to engage in a polyamorous relationship where everyone involved is aware that they're part of an open relationship.
According to NBC News, certain people genuinely enjoy having multiple partners because they fear the chance of putting all their eggs in one basket with one committed partner who might mistreat them, disappoint them, or leave them. The Feminine Woman explains that there are plenty of risks that come along with casually sleeping around. One of those risks is the notion that you might become numb as you start to mentally detach. Some people feel that the risk is worth the reward, though. Regardless of how you feel about casually sleeping around, getting into a monogamous relationship simply doesn't make sense if you prioritize a sexually liberated lifestyle over monogamy.
Your schedule is way too busy
It's totally possible to be too busy for a relationship, and this isn't something you should feel guilty about. If you have too many things on your plate and you can't figure out how to make time to entertain a love interest, then you should probably stay single. Elite Singles explains that you can make time for someone you're interested in by connecting with them while you're running errands or integrating date nights with your scheduled obligations. While it's very true that you can do your best to make it work, this isn't always the most thoughtful thing to do to someone else who is expecting a little more energy and attention from you.
Happily Committed says it's common for couples to struggle with saving their relationship when one or both people involved are dealing with incredibly busy schedules. Someone who is super busy all the time can leave their partner feeling undervalued, unwanted, and neglected. The most considerate thing to do would be to wait until your schedule clears up so that you can give a potential partner the attention they deserve.
You aren't happy with yourself
Many people believe that loving yourself makes it a whole lot easier for other people to love you. Still, The Daily Targum explains that finding ways to love yourself can be an incredibly slow process. Regardless of how long it takes to embrace true love for yourself, it still ends up feeling rewarding in the long run. Psychology Today says that when you hate yourself and you begin living a life of recklessness and abandonment, it's tough for you to expect someone else to invest their emotions and energy into you.
People who love themselves are automatically more magnetic. When you exude confidence and self-love, you show other people around you how you expect to be treated. Confident people who love themselves have an aura about them that is undeniable. If you currently feel stuck in a rut with low self-esteem and negative self-talk, it might be time to work on yourself before you try dating someone new. Self-love is a lifelong process that doesn't happen overnight. It's a never-ending journey that leads to healthy and long-lasting relationships, whether those relationships are romantic or platonic.
You lack strong communication skills
Being a strong communicator is one of the most important things aspects of being in a relationship. Not knowing how to communicate your feelings can cause your relationship to inevitably fall apart. If you're the type of person who shuts down or runs away when conversations get heavy, you can't expect your partner to stick around for long. According to Live Bold & Bloom, good communication starts with self-reflection. When you have poor communication skills, arguments with your partner will be filled with contempt, criticism, and defensiveness.
When your communication skills are up to the standard, you easily pay attention to the person talking to you, you avoid using universal statements, and you don't interrupt your partner while they're speaking. PsychCentral says that when you lack clear communication skills, it can negatively impact your relationship by making small rifts turn into giant problems. You can solve the issue of being a poor communicator if you learn how to make eye contact, stay aware of your body language, and avoid shaming your partner when they're speaking their mind. Until you have your communication skills squared away, remaining single might be the best option.
You have commitment issues
Struggling with commitment issues is a huge indication that you're not ready to be in a relationship. There's nothing wrong with having commitment issues, but it is wrong to date someone while you're struggling with something so major. GoodTherapy explains that the fear of commitment usually stems from traumatic experiences including abandonment or infidelity in past relationships.
According to Healthline, those with commitment issues demonstrate a stark resistance to getting involved in any long-term relationships. The best thing to do when struggling with commitment issues is to start working on inner healing. If you know that you eventually want to experience the beauty of a relationship that would be emotionally fulfilling for you, then you have to be willing to handle your commitment issues first. The unfortunate truth is that people with commitment issues who force themselves into committed relationships anyway will occasionally end up cheating on their partners. It's better to stay single than to be the cause of someone else's trauma.
When you pressure yourself to do anything you're not ready for, it can lead to failure. Imagine trying to bake a cake with only half the recipe printed out and only a fraction of the necessary ingredients stocked up in your fridge. Odds are, the cake isn't going to turn out the way you hoped for or intended. The same thing might happen if you try to force yourself to date before you're ready to fully commit.
You love being single
You might be the type of person who absolutely loves being single, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. According to Lifehack, being single gives you the chance to focus on your personal goals, get creative, live on your own schedule, and make time for your friends.
One of the biggest benefits that come from living a single life is having total freedom to enjoy everything you love based on your own set of priorities (via Psychology Today). If you cherish your solitude and feel like your energy is restored whenever you're by your lonesome, being single might simply be what makes the most sense for you.
Plenty of people in society try to convince the world that settling down in a relationship and getting married is the only way to achieve true happiness. The good news is that most people know by now that stories of "happily ever afters" aren't always realistic. People who are single still get to live fulfilling lives brimming with joy and excitement, regardless of their relationship status.