What You Need To Know About Aegosexuality

Although we already know that sexuality is a spectrum unto itself, within that spectrum are offshoots of other spectrums. For example, asexuality is a sexual orientation among all the other sexual orientations, but because asexuality is an orientation that encompasses other types of asexuality that drop into their own categories under it, things can get a little confusing — but in a beautiful way.

One such identity on that asexuality spectrum is aegosexuality. According to Live Love LGBTQ+, the term has its origins in autochorissexuality. If we break down the word by its Greek meanings, we get "auto," which means "self," and "choris," which means "separate from." Put that all together; you essentially get "self separate from sexuality."

But while this is certainly an identity, the fact that it was coined by Dr. Anthony F. Bogaert in 2012, a psychologist who considered "autochorissexual" a form of paraphilia — defined as "unacceptable sexual practices" — those who identify this way wanted another term that wasn't steeped in ignorance. That's when the term aegosexuality was born. Although the meaning is still the same, it's broken down differently: "a," as in "without," and "ego," as in the "self," bringing us full circle to "without self sexuality."

In the simplest of terms, when someone is an aegosexual, there is little to no connection between their "self" and their sexual attraction or desire for others. They envision sex as something that others do, not something they do or even want to do, per se.

Because aegosexuality is on the asexuality spectrum, it's important to understand that while some may be indifferent to sex or even sex-repulsed, there are still those who do have some sexual feelings. So, yes, some masturbate and even have sexual fantasies, but they're just not too keen on experiencing sex-related activities IRL because they don't see themselves as part of the sexual equation (via Digital Cultures).

"An aegosexual person typically experiences sexual arousal, may fantasize or masturbate, yet does not have the desire to engage sexually with a partner," board member and research affiliate at the Center for Positive Sexuality, Dan Copulsky tells Cosmopolitan. "In fantasies, aegosexual people often imagine other people or characters and do not imagine themselves as part of the activity."

So while aegosexual people are still sexual, it's the space between them and the reality of sex that is paramount to their arousal. Get too close to an aegosexual, even when they're aroused, and you may kill whatever incoming orgasm that was on its way. 

According to Sexuality Wiki, some signs that you might be aegosexual are preferring to watch sexual content without wanting to get involved in it, imagining sex between other people and finding arousal in it, having the desire or urge to masturbate but do so to sexual fantasies you're not a part of — for example, thinking about fictional characters or celebrities getting it on together. Mr. Darcy and Timothée Chalamet, anyone?

Although this is normal, the fact that aegosexuals derive pleasure from watching others act sexually sometimes leads to people drawing comparisons between aegosexuality and voyeurism. However, whereas aegosexual is a sexual orientation, voyeurism falls under the umbrella of fetishes and kinks. Someone who's aegosexual could have a voyeur fetish, but that doesn't mean that all of them do. Anyone, no matter their sexual orientation, identity, or gender, can be sexually aroused by voyeurism — kinks are linked to sexuality in that they're a behavior that arouses people, but they don't define sexuality.

Like all sexual orientations, if you realize that you're aegosexual now, it doesn't mean that you will always be so. Sexuality ebbs and flows like the waves of the ocean, and with so many ways to express and interpret love, sex, and romance, you shouldn't be surprised if you find yourself trying out another orientation in time.