Why You May Fantasize About Things You Wouldn't Actually Want To Do In Real Life

Sexual fantasies are a normal thing — we've all had at least one in our lifetime. This type of fantasy expresses the desires you'd like to see play out in the bedroom, such as roleplaying or group sex. Yes, they're meant to arouse you before and during intimacy, but they can also give you a better sense of who you are, according to CNN. You learn not just what you like in the bedroom, but your likes, dislikes, and perception of yourself and the world around you.


For example, if you're interested in roleplaying, there's a reason you chose those certain roles; they reflect your personality and the things you enjoy. Then there are some fantasies you might enjoy thinking about trying but aren't sure you actually want to see them play out in the bedroom. When this happens, you wonder why you had those thoughts in the first place. It doesn't seem like something you'd be into IRL, so what's going on? Is your brain trying to tell you something? Let's talk about why you may fantasize about things you wouldn't actually want to do in real life.

You may feel embarrassed expressing them

If you don't want to live out one of your sexual fantasies IRL, it might be because you're embarrassed to even say it out loud. It's a totally normal feeling! Many women feel insecure about expressing their fantasies to their partner because they're afraid their partner will judge them. Fortunately, there are ways to hype yourself up so you don't feel shameful when you bring the idea to their attention. Blueheart says the best time to mention these fantasies or kinks is when you're relaxed and have enough time to really discuss it.


Of course, it's easier said than done, but you'll feel a sense of relief once you've said it out loud. It's important to tell your partner ahead of time that they aren't obligated to partake in any fantasy they aren't comfortable with. This will ease some of the tension when the topic comes up. And who knows? Maybe your partner has a fantasy they're embarrassed about, and by opening up to them about your sexual desires, you may give them the courage to talk about theirs.

They're physically impossible to play out

This one comes down to practicality and logistics. One of the reasons you may not want to even express your fantasy is that it is physically impossible to play out. For example, if you fantasize the two of you are deep-sea divers hooking up in the middle of the ocean, it's safe to say that isn't going to happen in real life. To prevent yourself from being disappointed, you may want to keep these types of fantasies in your head. CNN recommends starting with something that involves less adventure and is more plausible. 


We aren't saying you shouldn't have these fantasies; if you find a situation sexy and a total turn-on, then don't try to stop yourself from thinking what it would be like to actually live it. As we mentioned earlier, a fantasy reflects your likes and dislikes. If deep-sea diving interests you, then, by all means, have those sexual thoughts! Just keep in mind that's all they'll ever be — a thought. 

The real thing may not live up to your expectations

Another reason you may refrain from playing out your fantasy is that you're afraid of disappointment. You might be worried the real thing won't live up to your expectations, so you'd rather keep those thoughts safe in your head. There, everything plays out just as you want it to, right down to the dirtiest details. However, sharing your fantasies builds a stronger bond between you and your partner, CNN states. So, even if you don't want to actually act on them, saying your fantasies out loud will bring you closer together.


If you're concerned the real thing won't be up-to-par, don't be afraid to discuss those feelings with your partner, should the subject arise. While you may not be able to live out every single detail, at least the two of you may be able to come up with a way to bring your fantasy to life as best as you can. 

They may cause physical or emotional damage

Some fantasies, such as sadomasochism and masochism, may really turn you on, but you're concerned about playing them out IRL. Perhaps, the idea of binding your partner and performing violent acts arouses you, but you don't want to do it because you're afraid of hurting them, either physically, mentally, or emotionally. This isn't to say they can't happen in real life — it's a matter of expressing these fantasies to your partner. That way, you can get a sense of what they're comfortable with. 


The key to speaking about these particular fantasies is using "I" statements, HuffPost explains. Never make your partner feel like they aren't doing enough in bed by saying your sex life is too boring or vanilla. Not only will they feel embarrassed, but they'll more than likely tune out, leading the conversation to a dead end. Their limits may be different than yours, and you shouldn't make them feel shameful if you aren't on the same page.