How To Confront A Partner Who Only Ever Wants To Go To Your Place

You're several months into a new relationship and things are going well, but you can't help but notice: you've never seen your partner's place. Not going to your partner's home may be typical during the first few weeks of dating, but it becomes a red flag when you're deep into a relationship and your partner still isn't inviting you to their place.

It's tempting to ignore the issue, especially if the rest of the relationship is smooth sailing. After all, who cares where you spend your time as long as you're together? However, addressing problems early on will help your relationship in the long run. According to a longitudinal study conducted by Michael Rosenfeld at Stanford University, couples are far more likely to break up during the first year of their relationship. With that in mind, it's crucial to confront the issues that come up in the early months of dating, otherwise, they can fester and lead to a falling out.

Confronting your partner about why you never visit their place can be an awkward and difficult conversation, but it can also result in better communication and a happier relationship.

Be honest and direct

The key to having a tough conversation with your partner is to be direct. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that most partners can't accurately interpret indirect anger and won't know which behavior needs changing. In other words, if you don't share your concerns with your partner about not going to their place, but then become passive-aggressive or angry, your partner won't understand what's going on.

When you ask your partner why you never go to their place, try to remain non-judgmental and use "I" statements. The Gottman Institute recommends taking a soft approach. For instance, instead of asking, "Why do you never invite me over?" try, "I would like to spend more time at your place, how do you feel about that?" This allows you to express your needs and give your partner space to share their perspective.

If your partner avoids answering your question or declines to invite you over without explanation, you may need to express your concerns more bluntly. State why you are uncomfortable always going to your place and then rephrase your discomfort as a question. For example, you could say, "When we never spend time at your place, it makes me feel like you're hiding something. Are you hiding anything?"

Conflict is hard, but asking your partner what's going on is the only way you'll come to a resolution. Hopefully, your partner will be able to communicate honestly and you can work together to reset the relationship.

Trust your instincts

Confronting your partner doesn't always go the way you plan. Your partner might not respond well to your concerns and you might not come to a resolution. With some relationship conflicts, it's okay to take a break from discussing the issue until you're ready to talk about it again (via Psychology Today).

However, if your partner refuses to share their home life with you, this can be a deal breaker. Some couples prefer to date casually and have firm boundaries on their personal lives — if this is the relationship intention that you and your partner have set, then that's perfectly fine. But if you and your partner are in a serious, committed relationship, your partner probably shouldn't be concealing a large portion of their life.

If you strongly feel that your partner's resistance to inviting you to their home is a symptom of a bigger problem, you should listen to that instinct. After all, you are the only one who can know whether you're comfortable in your relationship. That said, with thoughtful and direct communication, these conversations are a great opportunity to establish healthy boundaries and expectations in regard to how you share each other's homes.