12 Tips For Making Up With Your Best Friend After A Fight

Relationships are at the core of our very existence. Oftentimes, the people we call our best friends become like our sisters. And sometimes, if we're lucky, we grow up with these soul-sister women. We laugh with them, we cry with them, and, most importantly, we express our deepest sentiments to one another. Over time, some special friendships get the designation of BFF. So many of us have found a sense of belonging thanks to our friendships, and, boy, did we learn about trust by keeping our friend's most cherished secrets to ourselves.


Often who we surround ourselves with will influence the rest of our lives. Many women see their best friend as one of the most essential people in their life. Strong bonds made over many years are not easily broken. Naturally, a best friend frequently becomes like an extension of the family.

Like any important relationship, a friendship must be respected and cherished even when things go wrong. We are all human and disagreements happen. It's how you respond and react to the disagreement that matters most. Now, let's take a look at the most beneficial ways to resolve conflict between the best of friends.

Best friends forvever

The reality is that many romantic relationships end in separation or divorce, and it's often a best friend who comes and picks up the pieces of your broken heart. It's also frequently the best friend who accompanies you to some of the most important events in your life. So, when a close friendship breaks up, it can be truly devastating. In fact, according to the Mayo Clinic, friendships are beneficial to good health. Unsurprisingly, they offer a shoulder to lean on during difficult periods and offer a high five during great times. Indeed, each of you may have worn a portion of the "Best Friends Forever" heart charm for a reason.


Simply put: good friends are good for your health. Friends can help you celebrate good times and provide support during bad times. So, when there's a fallout between friends, it's important you try to mend your side of the fence. "It's not about the number of friends that's important, but the quality of the friendships. Having one quality friendship can be important for mental health, but diversifying your network to have different types of friends can be beneficial, too," reveals Marisa Franco, Ph.D., to Well + Good.

Communication is key

It's frequently a few close friends who join you throughout your formative years. This is a pivotal time when women find themselves discovering what makes them tick. And much of who we are is discussed with our close friends. The hope is that at least one of these deep friendships will last for the rest of your life.


But conflict happens to the best of our relationships. And during these times, instead of placing blame and becoming stubbornly obstinate, make sure you have clear communication. Also, it's important you know what your friend feels went wrong.

According to Chrysalis Courses, communication is key. Indeed, many relationships fall apart if there's not any communication. Communication is the pathway to any solid relationship, in fact. So, when things get hard, be sure you allow your bestie to explain her side of the situation. Friendships are crucial to growing in romantic relationships as well. It's frequently our friends who teach us from a young age how to effectively communicate with another person, and these lessons from youth serve us well as we grow up and fall in love.


Discuss your feelings without anger

It's important you both have a clear understanding of what happened to create the conflict. That being said, allow for a platform where each person can honestly discuss their thoughts without becoming angry. Don't do this over text, though, as things can be misinterpreted. Try to have a sit down together to talk over coffee. You owe that to each other. If that's not possible, discuss things over the phone or face time.


According to Psychology Today, there's a difference between an argument and a discussion. In an argument, there's normally a need to be seen as "right" while not agreeing with the other party. On the flip side, in a discussion, one often finds that both people are attempting to get along and truly understand each other's opinions. Simply stated, when we're just trying to prove our point and ultimately be acknowledged as "winning," we are not having a discussion but rather defending our view. There's a big difference. How you communicate will certainly be a determining factor in whether you can both reconcile.

Reveal your thoughts without insults

Similar to not becoming angry while having a discussion is not tossing around insults either. Naturally, you don't want to insult your friend while you're trying to reconcile. This may seem obvious, but it's easy to fall into the victim role when you're feeling hurt. So, make sure you don't throw around insults while attempting to have a healthy discussion.


Remember, most people are sensitive and may single out negative statements while disregarding the positive. That's why it's important you keep all insults out of a reconciliation discussion. This is to be a respectful discussion. Not one where you're tempted to invalidate your friend's feelings. These discussions shouldn't turn into a power struggle but should reflect openness and fairness. It's rare one person is "totally right" and the other is "totally wrong" anyway. Enduring friendships demand understanding. Sometimes friends must agree to disagree.

If you have a hot temper, try to calm yourself down during what may be a heated exchange with your friend. The American Psychological Association reveals some easy strategies to relax angry emotions. You can try imagining relaxing scenes in your mind that "take you away." You can also practice deep breathing. There's also progressive muscle relaxation that can help keep potential angry insults in check. Also beneficial before a big talk with your bestie may be some strenuous exercise. Get the aggression out by taking a run or hitting the gym before you have a difficult discussion.


Allow yourself to be vulnerable

Being vulnerable in any relationship is often what makes it closer. You and your BFF probably know each other as well or better than their other important relationships, so keep in mind that being guarded won't help anything. Open up! Be the person your bestie loved in the first place. Shielding or protecting yourself won't help when trying to reconcile. Allow yourself to go deep and be real with one another.


Yes, it's scary. Yes, you're allowing yourself the possibility of being rejected, but remember this is your best friend you're dealing with. Chances are you'll be able to express your real vulnerable self without implications. And if suddenly your bestie can't be vulnerable with you as well, then perhaps there's a clink in the chain that cannot be pulled straight. This is a possibility. Of course, we don't want to entertain the notion that our friendship cannot be healed. But we also can't be the only ones being vulnerable or trying to reconcile. You simply know when someone else is being their true self and when they're being false.

Simply Psychology notes that love and belonging are within the top five needs in Maslow's hierarchy of needs. And this really isn't surprising. None of us is an island. We need one another. We are social creatures. Perhaps the hardest part of being vulnerable is not knowing what the outcome will be. This is a valid fear. But one that must be confronted for deep, enduring friendships don't exist on a surface level.


Don't blame everything on your bestie

As the popular saying goes, "It takes two to tango." In other words, it took two people to create a situation. You most likely had something to do with the disagreement. So, accept your part in the dance. This isn't to say you should be self-effacing. But rather you should recognize where perhaps you went wrong and make that known to your best friend. Again, this will take trust, respect, and vulnerability.


But don't blame your friends for things for which they shouldn't have to be responsible. A friend often gives sound advice, but that doesn't mean they're fortune tellers. Don't get mad and blame them if things don't turn out as they predicted. Remember that you're ultimately responsible for your decisions.

This means that it's not your BFF's fault if her well-meaning advice about your boyfriend doesn't go as planned. It's also not her fault if you choose to drink one too many after she's suggested you guys leave the party (and there are unfortunate consequences). Your bestie is not your parent. She may certainly act like it sometimes, but she's still a friend, not your keeper. Sometimes, these lines become blurred. We can become too attached to our best friends and almost expect them to solve our life problems. That being said, be aware of unhealthy attachments to a friend. They're not there to "solve" your life but to enhance it.


Remember we're all human

Perhaps the most important thing to keep in mind is simply that we are all human. The vast majority of us are doing our best and have good intentions. Keep this in mind when trying to reconcile with your buddy. It's likely she didn't do anything on purpose to upset you. Mistakes and misunderstandings happen; it's up to us to be open to the positives that make us who we are.


Embrace each other's differences and remember you came to an enduring friendship because you appreciated your friend's uniqueness in the first place. Again, compassion and understanding are needed for positive mental health.

His Holiness the Dalai Lama sums it up beautifully on his website, Dalailama, saying, "So far I have been discussing mainly the mental benefits of compassion, but it contributes to good physical health as well. According to my personal experience, mental stability and physical well-being are directly related. Without question, anger and agitation make us more susceptible to illness. On the other hand, if the mind is tranquil and occupied with positive thoughts, the body will not easily fall prey to disease."


Stay in the moment and listen

Stay on topic with your BFF and open your ears. Be totally available to her and listen to her opinions on the disagreement that created a problem between you. So often, when someone else is talking, we are really just waiting for our turn to speak. This isn't helpful when trying to truly comprehend what your friend is expressing. If you find things are getting heated, don't get flustered. Instead, remain calm and ask your friend if there's anything you can do to make her feel more comfortable as she discusses her feelings. People want to be heard. Remember that.


According to Positive Psychology, active listening is key to superior communication. Active listening expresses a true desire for what the other person is saying. It is being curious by genuinely paying attention. It is allowing the other party to speak without interrupting or anticipating what you're going to say next. It's also allowing for what may be uncomfortable moments of silence. Additional tactics for solid listening include avoiding making the mistake of daydreaming or becoming defensive and judgmental. These suggestions should help the overall vibe of the conversation and allow for a seamless interaction.

Be forgiving

Holding onto resentment only hurts you in the end. There may be instances when you no longer want to be involved in a friendship with someone who hurt you. Of course, that's your decision and sometimes walking away may be the only wise option. But even then, you would be smart to try and forgive the other party regardless. Why? Because the sting of resentment will eat you up inside. All it does is hurt you in the present moment. Forgiveness allows you to walk free from the situation with freedom from interior anger.


Dr. Harold Hong, a board-certified psychiatrist in North Carolina, tells PsychCentral, "You can also forgive and then steer clear of them in the future if you feel it's in your best interest. In fact, mental health experts recommend forgiving those who have hurt you to improve your mental health and well-being."

The beginning of understanding is being open to listening to a perspective different from your own. It doesn't mean you must agree with it, but you can certainly attempt to acknowledge your buddy's thoughts even if you don't quite think it's correct.

Remember your bestie's positives

A true friend cannot be replaced. As the popular rhyme says, "Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other is gold." This is the truth! A true friend is like nothing else, especially if you don't have close connections to family members such as siblings. Remember, friends are the family we choose for ourselves. This being said, don't forget the positives that attracted you to your bestie. Remember all the fun memories that you made. The deep talks, the honest confessions, and the silly little sayings only you guys understand. These moments are the frosting of life. They are what make up the colors on a rainbow.


And they color our life with positivity. In fact, Dan Buettner, a National Geographic fellow and author, told The New York Times that deep friendships can even keep us alive longer. "I argue that the most powerful thing you can do to add healthy years is to curate your immediate social network. In general, you want friends with whom you can have a meaningful conversation," he said. "You can call them on a bad day and they will care. Your group of friends is better than any drug or anti-aging supplement, and will do more for you than just about anything."

Add some humor to your talk

This tip is not to be missed! We all need laughter in life; it's medicine for our souls. And more importantly, it can ease the tensions between friends. Reminiscing on something you and your bestie did together can lead to healing laughter which should make a "serious discussion" more attractive. Remember, this is your best friend. She is most likely still the same person she was before you had a disagreement. You've just hit a rocky road that needs to be passed over with grace, understanding, and, of course, laughter.


In fact, laughter with friends is even different from that with a romantic partner. According to PsyPost, laughter among friends was seen as relaxed, warmer, louder, and breathy when compared to that of a romantic partner. So, let's keep the laughter alive between friends. It's the good times that often create hilarious memories that will allow you both to laugh all over again. And who can't use that?

Reflect on your warm memories

Don't forget why this woman became your best friend. Remember, you have years of history that made her your great confidant. After all, friendships can actually elongate your life. One study on friendships formed in our youth showed that maintaining friendships actually benefited our health in the long run.


"These results indicate that remaining close to — as opposed to separating oneself — from the peer pack in adolescence has long-term implications for adult physical health. In this study, it was a robust predictor of increased long-term physical health quality," shares psychological scientist Joseph P. Allen, a researcher at the University of Virginia in a study for the Association for Psychological Science.

So, go through all the old pictures and laugh. Think about the fun memories. Discuss the crazy moments. Relish in the magic of your social network. Recall what brought you and your best friend together in the first place. This should help minimize the anger you feel when in a fight. Remember, it was easier to face adolescence with a close friend by your side, and aging with a BFF is also certainly a soothing tonic in life.