The Key Sign You're Expecting Too Much Time From Your New Partner

When we start a new relationship, we bring all of ourselves to the table. Whether or not we like it, we bring our baggage, our insecurities, our idiosyncrasies, and our expectations with us. If we're lucky enough to have figured out what we want in a relationship, sliding into something serious with a new partner can be easy and exciting. It can feel like home in some ways, as if we've been looking for this person our entire lives and we finally found them.


While there's definitely a lot of good things that come with a new relationship, the newness means it hasn't been solidified just yet. You're still getting to know each other and trying to navigate how this new addition to your life is going to play out. What this means is that as much as it feels great and even secure, if you make one wrong move that isn't backed by open communication, then you may end up watching that person walk away, or you'll be the one walking away yourself.

Letting someone new into our lives means being realistic if we want to make the relationship work. One of those things is managing your expectations of your partner, especially when it comes to the amount of time you spend together. In fact, there's one key sign that you're expecting too much time from your new partner, and you need to pull back a bit.


Don't expect all of their free time

When you meet someone new, it's important to remember that, like you, they had a life before you. They had — and still have — friends, family events, Thursday night karaoke, Sunday afternoon in the park with college buddies, and all the other stuff that comes with being a human.


Humans are, by nature, social creatures after all. With these types of activities on one's calendar, starting a relationship means making time for the new person, while not giving up the people and the activities that they always enjoyed.

Although in the early stages of a relationship, you might want to spend every waking hour together, you need to realize that asking your partner to be with you all the time and even cancel plans with their friends for you is simply too much. It's not just asking a small favor, but actually asking a lot of them.

"One of the reasons you were likely attracted to this person in the first place is they had a fun full life," licensed marriage and family therapist Irene Schreiner told Bustle. "You can't expect them to drop all of their other interests in favor of you now just because you are dating."


Not only should you not expect them to put you and your time with them above all else, but you shouldn't demand all of their free time either. Unrealistic demands of their time can have them backing away and second-guessing you as a partner.

While being together creates bonding, it's time apart that creates longing. When you long for someone, you're given time to appreciate them and what they bring to your life. Healthy time apart doesn't put constraints on your partner.

How to avoid expecting too much time

The best way to avoid being that person who throws their hands up in the air every time their partner says they have other plans is by having your own plans too. This doesn't mean you create plans in the hopes of causing jealousy or drama, but you actually have plans with friends and family like you did before you met this new person.


Just because you meet someone new, it doesn't mean you trade in the people who have always been there for you or give up your social events. Healthy romantic relationships mean learning how to balance everyone and everything in your life. It doesn't mean rearranging your entire schedule just because you're dating someone new.

While the urge may be there to see your partner all the time, it can absolutely backfire. Even if your partner is cool with seeing you all the time because, perhaps, they don't have many friends, you can still be setting yourself up for disaster.

If you put your friends on the back burner, then things don't work out with your partner, you can't expect them to drop everything for you when you find yourself single again and heartbroken. Everyone in our lives deserves respect. You show your partner respect every time you don't give them a hard time about seeing their friends, just as much as you show your friends and family respect every time you don't ditch them for your partner.


So try not to be that person who wants to use up every second of their partner's time. Instead, be that person who wants their partner to have a life and flourish in their platonic and familial relationships.