The Thoughtful Question To Ask On The First Date To Enhance Your Connection

Going on a date can be nerve-wracking and sometimes repetitive when you've been on one too many with the same standard questions about your job, how many siblings you have, and other stereotypically bland dating content. To shake things up and make your dating discussions more interesting, ask open-ended questions. They can be thought-provoking for you and your date while revealing quite a bit about your potential connection. You may even be surprised at what you learn about yourself in the process.

Think of dating questions as having three tiers, where the first tier is filled with basic questions that you could practically write on your resume or a pre-filled dating questionnaire instead of answering them for the millionth time. The second tier has more standard yet somewhat thought-provoking questions like if you could travel anywhere right now, where'd you go, or what adventures have you been on in the past? But it's the third tier that has the real winner to ask on a first date, which is the thought-provoking question — what is occupying your thoughts at the moment, shares The New York Times. Whether you mean what is occupying each of your thoughts right then and there at the exact moment of your encounter, aka sussing out how the other person is feeling about your connection, or what is occupying each person's thoughts in their respective lives at the moment, you're going to start some truth-seeking dialogue that is likely to leave you learning something about yourself, too.

Mindfulness can be applied everywhere, even on dates

You've likely heard about mindfulness and the benefits of being present at the moment, but mindfulness isn't just something to be utilized during your personal meditation regimen or when writing in gratitude journals at the end of each day. Being present at the moment encompasses each and every moment, including when we're on potentially awkward or anxiety-inducing first dates. Opening up and really delving into what has been occupying your mind leading up to that moment while simultaneously absorbing information from listening to the response your date gives can help you understand yourself, as well as the person across the table from you. Importantly, thoughtful questions that require a degree of vulnerability to answer honestly can show you how trusting and comfortable your connection with one another is, even on your first date.

Mindful dating is the practice of being intentional in your actions and word choices, actively opting to listen to the other person more than you speak, and taking your time to truly consider your responses so you can be as honest and genuine as possible, according to Declutter The Mind. Asking thoughtful questions like, what is occupying your thoughts at the moment, requires each person to take a moment to really contemplate their response. It isn't a question we're often asked, particularly on first dates, so notice how thoughtful your date is in the consideration of their answer. Thank them for their genuine consideration to show respect.

Prioritize substance-driven discussions over superficial conversation

Typically, people go on first dates to see if there's a connection worth pursuing on second and third dates, maybe even through an official relationship. Through mindful practices, like asking questions that encourage you to really take a moment to thoughtfully respond, you can get to know about the potential of your connection with your date in a more substance-rooted manner as opposed to the superficial dynamic that third wheels many first dates.

After all, you might learn that your recent thoughts have been focused on a situation or experience long past due to be let go of, advises Psychology Today. Your answer to being asked what has been occupying your thoughts lately, or listening to your date share their answer, could help awaken your conscious mind to subconscious thought patterns or beliefs about yourself that you've been focused on. Not only is your ability to listen to your date's answer vital in practicing mindful dating and simply being a good human, but pay attention to how intently your date listens to your response. If your date is playing with their phone and seems like they'd rather be talking about the latest TikTok trend, pay attention to how you feel in response, both emotionally and within your body. When going on a first date, if you're searching for a connection with depth and genuine interest, try working, what is occupying your thoughts at the moment, into the conversation.