Tips For Navigating A Relationship With Someone Who Is Quick To Anger

Dating someone who's quick to anger isn't the easiest thing in the world to deal with. You might be completely in love with your partner, but you're certainly not in love with the way they react in situations that grind their gears. Chances are, your partner didn't exhibit this side of themselves at the beginning. You likely didn't realize they have anger issues until you were invested in the relationship and already in love with them. 


Usually, relationships start off in the honeymoon phase, where both people naturally view each other through rose-colored glasses. Once the two of you are deeper involved in your relationship, it becomes easier for true colors to be revealed. After seeing your partner lose their temper one too many times, you might be questioning whether or not your relationship is worth saving. You might also be wondering if there are ways you can navigate a healthy relationship with your partner that will successfully go the distance.

Suggest couples therapy

The first thing to do with a partner who's quick to anger is to arrange a couples therapy session together. Bringing up couples counseling to your partner can go a number of ways, but there are three common scenarios. They might be super receptive to the idea of going to therapy with you. This would be the best possible outcome because it shows their willingness to change. 


The second outcome would be your partner agreeing with you in a moment but then brushing you off later on when you actually try to get a session scheduled on the books. They might go along with whatever you say at first to make you stop talking, even though they have no intention of actually following through.

The third outcome would be your partner getting angry with you for even suggesting such an idea. If your partner is completely closed off to going to couples therapy together, it likely means they're scared of being called out for their destructive behaviors. They'd rather live in blissful ignorance about their anger issues instead of fixing them head-on to maintain a healthy relationship with you.


Pinpoint your partner's triggers

Do your best to pinpoint where your partner's triggers are coming from. When you figure out what triggers your partner, you'll know exactly what to avoid to keep the ship sailing smoothly. If your partner always gets fired up when you forget to turn the dishwasher on, make it a priority to turn it on before stepping out of the kitchen. If your partner gets really annoyed at you whenever you're late coming home, make sure you're always communicative about what's keeping you from getting home on time. 


While there are healthy ways to react to triggers, your partner may not be aware of theirs at all. You can start to figure them out together over time if you pay attention to their responses. Odds are, their triggers stem from different experiences that created trauma within them from their past.

They might've always gotten yelled at for forgetting to turn the dishwasher on as a child, so dishwashers are now a trigger. A loved one might've gotten into an accident while your partner was waiting for them to get home, so your lateness is now a trigger. It's easier to work with your partner's triggers when you understand where they come from. 

Pick and choose your battles

As much as you might want to hold your ground and fight for your voice to be heard in every single situation, you have to pick and choose your battles with a partner who is quick to anger. It's not healthy to get sucked into consistent fights all the time over minuscule problems. You already know you're half of the relationship who doesn't get angry super quickly, so a lot of the responsibility here may be on your shoulders. 


They might be fired up and ready to get into a heavy-hitting argument with you at the drop of a hat. You're going to have to be the one who chooses not to engage. It doesn't mean you are letting your partner "win," and it doesn't mean they're always "right." It simply means you're protecting your peace by picking and choosing which battles you participate in. Your relationship will undoubtedly feel more blissful if the two of you spend more days sharing peace than stress.

Be as patient as possible

Your patience has to come with the territory if you choose to be in a relationship with someone quick to anger. If patience isn't something that's already one of your strong suits, you may have to strengthen yourself in this department. A partner who's quick to anger probably doesn't have much patience to work with. This means that a lot of the patience between you will have to come from you.


This could be an excellent way for your partner to learn by example if you're leading them in the right direction with your behaviors and actions. The more they see how patient you can be in different situations, the more they might want to emulate your way of living. After all, it feels better to utilize patience by having a calm and tranquil outlook on life. If you consistently exhibit patience in front of your partner, hopefully, they'll be more inclined to act the same.

Communicate with clarity

There's not much room for solid communication when you're in a relationship with a partner who's quick to anger. For this reason, it's important that you communicate with clarity at every possible opportunity. You can't exactly beat around the bush whenever there's an uncomfortable topic at hand. It will only make matters worse if you try to express yourself through metaphors and symbolism. Communicating with clarity is the best route to take since it will leave little room for things to get lost in translation. 


Miscommunication is a massive factor behind why couples end up getting into nasty fights with each other. You're already at a disadvantage by being in a relationship with someone quick to anger, which means you can't make the mistake of poor communication on top of that. You can immediately improve your communication skills in your relationship by nixing unnecessary conversation fillers, practicing conversations internally beforehand, ignoring any outside distractions, and being careful with your body language.

Exhibit compassion

There's a reason your partner is so quick to anger. It probably stems from past trauma they've experienced throughout their lifetime. It's possible the worst trauma they endured occurred in their childhood. Since you know your partner has been through some heartbreaking situations in the past, it makes sense that you would want to exhibit compassion toward them. People who resort to anger as an immediate response to everything bad that happens are people who need the most love, friendship, and encouragement. 


Your partner will feel incredibly loved by you if you're comfortable exhibiting compassion whenever the situation arises. Instead of immediately getting annoyed about their anger issues in the middle of a traffic jam, show them a more gentle side of love and compassion. Say something like, "I know being stuck in traffic sucks, but at least we're together, and we get to have some quality time." When you show compassion to your partner by spinning negative situations into positive ones, it can be incredibly helpful.

Learn how to de-escalate bad situations

It's crucial to figure out how to de-escalate bad situations when you're in a relationship with a partner who's quick to anger. As soon as you see a situation starting to turn nasty, you have to stop it in its tracks before it worsens. An example of this would be noticing that your partner is beginning to aggressively tap their fingers on the table while listening to their older sibling brag in a nasty tone about an incredible job offer they just received. 


Your partner might be ready to go off on their sibling for being a show-off, but you can stop that from happening. Congratulate your partner's sibling for their amazing job opportunity, and then bring one of your partner's latest accomplishments into the spotlight. Your partner's frustration towards any cocky behavior they felt like they were observing from their sibling will disappear because they'll be grateful you acknowledged them in that moment.

Stand up for yourself while maintaining your composure

Just because you're dealing with a partner who gets angry quickly doesn't mean you're suddenly going to be their doormat. It's vital that you set boundaries in your relationship and continue to stand up for yourself while maintaining your composure. Partners who are quick to anger might say certain things to rile you up in the middle of a fight. Instead of letting any harsh words get under your skin, prove your peace of mind by maintaining your composure through and through. 


In the heat of the moment, it's possible that your partner will go out of their way to get a rise out of you when you attempt to stand up for yourself. It's your job not to let them get that rise out of you! Maintaining your composure typically means doing everything in your power to stay calm, cool, and collected. Don't raise your voice at them, become exasperated, and do anything you'd regret. Most of all, don't do anything that would lower yourself to their level.

Take time be alone whenever you need it

It's perfectly fine to take time to be alone whenever you need it, even if you're in a committed relationship. If your partner's anger problems are making you feel completely overwhelmed, distance yourself. Don't feel like you have to stay trapped in the same room with your partner just because you're in a relationship with them.


The entire relationship isn't going to crumble just because you've chosen to take some time to be by yourself. In that same token, if your entire relationship is really put to the test by your decision to take some alone time, you're probably not in the healthiest relationship anyway. 

Taking time to be alone can happen in many different ways. Instead of coming home right away after work, you might spend a little bit of time chatting with your coworkers. Instead of doing half an hour of cardio at the gym, you might do a full hour that includes some weight lifting. Instead of catching up with your friend via text message, you can arrange plans to meet up with them in person for brunch.

Hold off on sharing bad news until you're somewhere safe

Sharing bad news with a partner who's quick to anger is never fun. For this reason, it makes the most sense to hold off on sharing bad news until you're somewhere completely safe. In other words, if you know your partner is prone to raising their voice at you or stirring up major drama when you've told them something they didn't like at home, it will save you a lot of trouble to tell them bad news somewhere public. 


If your partner has any sense of dignity at all, they'll be too embarrassed to go off on you in front of strangers. You can choose a restaurant, coffee shop, internet café, dog park, or somewhere else you're super comfortable. Another way you can go about this would be to make sure mutual friends are present before sharing bad news to ensure your partner doesn't totally lose their cool.

Be forgiving if you trust that their apologies are genuine

The same way you'll want to be as patient and compassionate as possible with your partner, you'll also want to be forgiving if you trust that their apologies are genuine. Forgiveness is a tricky thing to master since it requires the strength and ability to fully let things go. You can't continue to bring up your partner's faults if you've forgiven them for those mistakes. 


Continuing to drag your partner through the mud over things they messed up on weeks or months ago isn't healthy for either of you. If you're making a claim that you're willing to forgive them for their mistakes, then you need to stand by that and take it seriously.

If you've gotten to the point where you feel like their apologies are no longer genuine because they keep doing the same thing over and over again, it may be time to cut the relationship off and move on with your life. There's a difference between a mistake and deliberate choices, after all.

Avoid the inclination to walk on eggshells

You might think the easiest way to navigate your relationship is to walk on eggshells around your partner — but this would actually be one of the biggest mistakes you could make. Avoid the inclination to walk on eggshells at all costs with a partner who's quick to anger.


When you walk on eggshells around this type of person, you become nothing more than their doormat. They realize they can get away with tons of their bad behavior because you're going to accommodate them without any complaints. 

Living a life where you're walking on eggshells with your partner isn't exactly fulfilling. You feel like you can never let your guard down, be fully comfortable, and actually be yourself. You're always in fear that one little thing you say will set them off. Instead of succumbing to the temptation to walk on eggshells with your partner, keep standing up for yourself while maintaining your composure.

Consider if it would be better for you to walk away

You need to seriously consider if it would be better for you — and your mental health — to walk away from your relationship. Sure, you probably have many beautiful memories to reflect on with your partner. But none of those memories should be enough to make you stay in a relationship with someone who's always getting angry, especially if it's beginning to err on the side of emotional or mental abuse. 


Your partner might be super sweet to you for half the week, but if they're cussing you out and raising their voice at you during the second half of the week, is any of it really worth it? It's unfair for you to be stuck in a relationship with someone who isn't lifting you up with high vibrations and positive energy.

In that same token, if you truly believe that your partner has the capacity to change for the better, you might not be interested in the prospect of letting them go forever. While there are obvious signs it may be time to end your relationship, these are things you have to figure out on your own without opinions from anyone else influencing you.

Respect yourself enough to end the relationship if their anger issues turn physical

You have to respect yourself enough to end the relationship if things turn physical. People who are quick to anger often only resort to yelling, cursing, and screaming when they're upset. In the worst possible case scenarios, people who are quick to anger will also resort to physical violence.


If you've been on the receiving end of physical violence with your partner, you have to accept that you are a victim of domestic abuse. This isn't the type of situation where you should be making excuses for your partner or coddling them based on their past traumas.

There are plenty of people who struggle with trauma from their past who don't end up becoming physically (or emotionally) abusive to others. A partner who is quick to anger might become a partner who's willing to punch a wall, break down a door, or physically assault their partner. As soon as things turn violent, the relationship should immediately end.

If you or someone you know is dealing with domestic abuse, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233. You can also find more information, resources, and support at their website.


Calm relationships are possible, even if it's with someone else

You might not believe it at this moment, but you have to know that a calm and loving relationship can very well be part of your life story — even if it's with someone other than your current partner. It doesn't matter how many years you've invested in your partner. If they are no longer serving you or bringing you joy, what's the point? Just because you spent a handful of years with someone doesn't mean you need to stay with them forever. 


Everyone deserves to be loved by people who respect, cherish, and value them. No one deserves to feel stuck in relationships with people who get angry at the drop of a hat. It's never too late to start over. It's never too late to put yourself out there with someone new. And it's never too late to let go of whatever you used to think was "love" so you can finally experience genuine, healthy love with the right person.