Our Guide To Telling The Difference Between Good Intuition & Relationship Insecurity

Imagine you're in a relationship, and things are going well. You might even think this person could be the one ... until you see a name you don't recognize pop up on their phone. You try not to freak out, and when you confront them about what you saw, they say you have nothing to worry about. However, something still seems off — you want to trust your partner, but can't shake the thought they might not be telling the truth, especially if this isn't their first offense. If they've cheated before, it makes sense you have reservations.


People faced with infidelity in the past are bound to have trust issues in current and future relationships. When you realize you could be in the same situation again, it's easy to jump to conclusions, especially when all signs point to something bad. The question is, are you being insecure, or is your intuition spot-on? You don't want to be labeled as the crazy girlfriend, but being cheated on is much worse. If you're questioning the trust between you and your partner, it's important to be able to tell the difference between good intuition and relationship insecurity. Insecurity can form as a result of instability.

Intuition is formed by past experiences

The major difference between intuition and insecurity is that intuition is formed by past experiences, according to Situational Awareness Matters. In other words, we aren't born with intuition — it's a learned feeling. When you've been put in a similar situation before, your mind registers it as a pattern, which can cause suspicions. For example, if your partner has been caught flirting with other people, be it via text or social media, it's likely you'll experience that same gut feeling when their phone lights up with a random number. It might be nothing, but your intuition tells you otherwise.


Having a hunch your partner is up to no good doesn't necessarily mean you're insecure, but that isn't to say insecurities don't play a part in this sinking feeling you have. A lot of the time, infidelity leads to low self-esteem and self-worth. Therefore, you're more likely to assume your relationship is on the rocks than you would if you hadn't experienced this feeling before.

Relationship insecurity stems from fear and anxiety

On the other hand, insecurity and low self-esteem stem from fear and anxiety. In some cases, your partner may not have even given you a reason to question their fidelity — they have no history of cheating, nor are they exhibiting any unfaithful-like behaviors. It's your mind expressing your fear they're going to cheat or leave you for someone else. When you feel insecure about something, such as your appearance, your anxiety tells you your partner doesn't find you attractive, and it's only a matter of time before they find someone who is.


For instance, you may not be confident about your weight, so fear and anxiety take over, saying your partner is going to leave you for another woman who fits the mold you've created yourself. The key to managing these insecurities is by seeking help, whether that involves therapy or coping mechanisms. No matter how you choose to go about it, in the long run, taming your fears and anxiety will vastly improve your relationship.

If you or someone you know needs help with mental health, please contact the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741, call the National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline at 1-800-950-NAMI (6264), or visit the National Institute of Mental Health website.