Why We Argue With Our Partner More Than Our Friends, According To A Social Worker

Every couple has its tiffs. It just comes with the territory of being in a relationship. Obviously, no one is perfect, so you and your partner are bound to run into little arguments here and there. But have you ever noticed how much easier it is to fight with them than it is with your friends? 

Think about this: you and your partner have been together a couple of months and have already had several arguments, but you and your best friend of 15 years have never had even the slightest disagreement. Because it's seemingly second nature for couples to argue, you might not have given a second thought as to why that is. However, there are a few reasons why your partner may be picking a fight with you more than their friends, and vice versa. Glam spoke exclusively to Joni Ogle, a licensed social worker, certified sex addiction therapist, and CEO of The Heights Treatment, to learn why it's more common to fight with the person we're in love with than our BFFs.

Our emotional connection makes us more vulnerable

Obviously, we have different connections with our partners than we do with our friends. We tend to put more emotional investment into our romantic relationships, so our feelings are much more intense. "This makes us feel more vulnerable and therefore leads to more aggressive behaviors when we come to disagreements," Joni Ogle exclusively told Glam. The fact is, because we're so emotionally bonded, we're more likely to feel hurt or disrespected when our partners don't see things from our perspective. It feels like a slap in the face, which is what ultimately leads to arguing with our significant others.

Furthermore, Ogle explains that some arguments are caused by the unrealistic expectations we have for our partners that we don't have for our friends. We have different needs in a relationship than we do in our friendships, so it's easy to get upset when our partner doesn't meet those needs. For example, maybe you require a lot of communication in your relationship, so you'd like your partner to call you at least once a day. When they don't, your expectation isn't met, so you get angry and cause an argument. Ogle adds, "In some cases, it might even be that we take out on our partner all of our frustration from other areas of our life." So basically, your partner may have done nothing wrong to you besides being in the crossfire after you had a bad day. 

A better way to approach the problem

As easy as it is to get worked up about an issue you have with your partner, it does nothing but exacerbate the problem. It's essentially like fighting fire with fire, and can make them feel attacked. This is why Joni Ogle recommends calmly addressing your grievances instead, telling Glam exclusively that this is a better way to consider each other's points of view. "It is better to be assertive while making sure that we express ourselves with respect, that way it will be much easier to come to a resolution together without arguments," she explains.

You may need to cool off before approaching your partner, and that's okay. It's better to come at the situation level-headed rather than all fired up. This way, you think more rationally, which will ultimately help the two of you come to some sort of resolution sooner. As they say, patience is a virtue, and when it comes to romantic relationships, that couldn't be more true.