How To Navigate Being The Only Single Friend In Your Group
Every friend group has that perpetually single friend. While everyone else in the squad has either been in a committed relationship for years or is excited about their brand-new partner, that one friend is always flying solo. The idea of a person who always does their own thing and has a dating life that's been dead for longer than they can remember or never seems to go anywhere isn't a new concept. Many TV shows and movies — typically romantic comedies or sitcoms — often find humor in having a character whose single status makes them stand out from the rest of their friends. This figure can be a free-spirited supporting character used as comic relief or the protagonist who finds love at the end of the fictional story. But in real life, being the one single friend in the group doesn't always feel so amusing.
You can find many relatable videos about how it feels to be single when all your friends are taken by searching "the single friend" on TikTok. Such is a video that shares the duality of being happy for coupled friends and the inevitable loneliness the single status brings. But being the squad's single friend can be a blessing rather than a curse if you navigate the position with the right mindset.
Expect your friends to be busier
While having a positive mindset if you're the only single friend in your group is essential, it's also crucial to be realistic. Maybe a year ago, you and your then-single squad went bar hopping until 3 a.m. every Saturday. Or perhaps you and your best friend would hang out and talk for hours almost daily after work. But when your pals are in relationships, those nights out and hangouts might not be as frequent. As demonstrated in a hilariously accurate video by TikTok user @sarahbeth.7, it isn't delightful when your friends spend more time with their romantic partners and seem to have less time for you. However, don't let that bring you down.
Of course, you might feel lonely when your besties spend more time with their significant others than they do with you, but it's something you should expect. Romantic relationships often require a lot of energy and effort, so it's normal for your friends to devote time to their partners. Thus, you shouldn't get angry or resent your mates for having busier schedules. Think of it like this: Wouldn't you be upset if your friends started resenting you for finding love and spending time with that special someone?
Enjoy being by yourself
Once you accept that your friends are busier and have less time to spend with you because of their relationships, it's time to spin how you look at the situation. Rather than concluding, "My friends have less time for me," think, "Now I have more time to enjoy my own company and do whatever I want." For instance, you'll be able to relax after work or school without compromising your schedule or worrying about what your friends want to do. TikTok user @rebecca.tasker demonstrates lovely ways to spend a Friday night alone, including enjoying a mocktail, soaking in a bath, and doing some skin care. That sounds like an excellent Friday night to us, and you can enjoy all those fun activities without your friends!
Being alone also gives you more time to find and commit to a hobby you love. Maybe you'll want to try something artistic and creative. Perhaps having more time on your hands is your sign to take an adult dance class! In addition to relaxing evenings and new hobbies, consider doing date-type activities alone. As Miley Cyrus sings in her hit song "Flowers," "I can take myself dancing, and I can hold my own hand," so why not take inspiration from the pop star? For example, if you want to check out a cute coffee shop, enjoy it alone. Or, as Cyrus says, try going out dancing by yourself.
Ask yourself why you're single
Before you feel down about being the single friend in the group, try to remember why you don't have a partner in the first place. Maybe you don't even want a relationship! When constantly surrounded by couples, it can be easy to forget your reasons for flying solo, and perhaps, the primary motive is that you don't desire romantic love or a partner at the moment. If that's the case, recognizing that will remind you that there's no reason to be sad about being the group's single friend.
"Being single is the perfect time to reassess who you are and where you want to be in life. What changes do you want to make? You now have the time and the ability to focus on the one consistent factor that will create the change you're seeking – yourself." Susan Winter, a relationship expert slash bestselling author, told Time Magazine. Just focus on yourself, and enjoy the lack of distractions!
If you realize you want a relationship, ponder why you may not have found anyone yet. Are you not putting yourself out there enough? Are you pickier than the rest of your friend group? Do you have too busy of a schedule to go on many dates? Asking yourself these questions can help you determine why you still have not found your special someone.
Be honest about your feelings
While you should have a positive mindset and try to focus on the enjoyable aspects of being the single gal in the squad, you shouldn't disregard the not-so-happy feelings that come with being the only single person in your circle. Even when you're happy for your lovestruck friends, a hint of envy is understandable in this situation. When dealing with jealousy in a friendship, you should respectfully tell your besties how you feel rather than masking your feelings. Although it might be tempting to make it seem like you love every second of your single life when your friends ask you how you're doing, lying is never a good idea. If you feel lonely, kindly tell your friends; if they genuinely care about you, they'll want to help.
You should also be honest with yourself. Sweeping your feelings under the rug only makes it harder to deal with the truth when you reach the point where you can no longer ignore your feelings. So, if you feel lonely, insecure, or unhappy, be honest with yourself and address your feelings sooner rather than later. Try writing your thoughts in a diary or journal to get them on paper. Or, consider talking to a therapist, as therapy is an excellent — and often essential — tool for navigating your feelings.
See if your friends want to set you up
If you want a relationship or to find new people to date, one benefit of having a whole group of friends in relationships is that at least one is bound to know someone to set you up with. So, why not ask? The worst they can say is no. See if any of your friends or their partners know anyone you would be interested in meeting. If one of your friends or their partners shows you a picture of someone — and you find them attractive — ask about a potential double date. Or, if a friend says that their partner knows someone they think you'd hit it off with, consider going on a blind date.
Some beautiful love stories start with asking a friend if they or their partner knows anyone they think you'd be compatible with for a romantic relationship. For instance, TikTok user @caseyallgood shared the adorable story of how she jokingly let one of her pals set her up and eventually got engaged to her blind date, proving that being set up with someone can help you find a happily ever after.
Find more single pals
Do you want to find more people who are single like you to hang out with? Then, it's time to search for some single pals outside of your friend group for when all the cuffed girlies are busy with their boos. First and foremost, getting out more often can help you meet new friends. For instance, if you take yourself out to dinner or to grab a drink after work — instead of eating and drinking at home — and see another person around your age sitting alone, consider saying hi and introducing yourself. This isn't high school, so you won't have to worry about any awkward or potentially cliquey situations — chances are they'd like to make a new friend, too!
Moreover, apps aren't only for dating and hookups nowadays, as there are apps to help you meet new BFFs, too. For example, the popular dating app Bumble also has a friendship mode, allowing you to use the app to search for platonic matches with which to connect without any romantic or sexual attachment. So, consider using Bumble for friendship instead of dating if you're ready to meet some new single gals to spend your free time with instead of third wheeling it with your taken friends all the time.
Don't forget about self-care
When you feel like you're always single, it's easy to fall into the I'm-not-trying-to-impress-anyone-so-why-should-I-bother mindset. But that's not a healthy attitude; thinking like that will negatively affect your mental and physical health. Even if you're not trying to impress anyone, taking care of your body to feel good and healthy is crucial. So, keep up with showers, doctor and dentist appointments, and hygiene, and maybe even treat yourself to a luxurious spa day. And sometimes, doing something different and fun with your appearance can boost your confidence as a single lady, whether you buy new makeup, try a new haircut or hue, or paint your nails.
Sexual pleasure is another important aspect of self-care. There's no reason for you to feel like you're missing out on feeling good when you hear all your taken friends talking about their sexy stories. Nowadays, you don't need another person to experience sexual pleasure! So, consider making yourself feel good through self-pleasure as you watch something sexy or listen to calming music rather than feeling down about spending the night alone. Furthermore, you might want to invest in a vibrator, as sex toys might even make you feel more satisfied than you would after traditional sex.
Spend more time with your family
As much as we'd love to continue going on about vibrators, we must note that another — and much more wholesome — way to enjoy being the single one in your friend group is to spend more time with your family. When you have more free time because your friend group is busy with their partners, consider reaching out to your family to spend quality time with them. Your parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents would love to have you over for a spontaneous get-together instead of only seeing you on holidays and birthdays. Spending more time with your close family members will likely make you feel more treasured and less lonely, as family love is arguably even more important than romantic or platonic love. Who knows — maybe your fam will be so happy to see you that they'll surprise you with a delicious meal or a surprise present.
Furthermore, having more free time can give you an excuse to finally reach out to a relative you aren't close with but would like to get to know. Do you have some cousins or distant family members you've only met a few times but would like to bond with? Consider reaching out to reconnect with these not-so-close relatives, and you might end up with more people to spend time with.
Consider what your cuffed friends can't experience and count your blessings
When you feel down about having so many friends in relationships, try instead being grateful for having so many friends in the first place. Many people struggle to find friends, so the fact that you experience being part of a friend group is something that you should be thankful for, even if your pals are busier than usual lately. And you should try not to compare yourself to your friends, but if you can't help but compare, think about everything your single status gives you a chance to do that your cuffed friends can't experience because they're in relationships. For instance, if you and your friends spot a hottie on your next night out, you can flirt with that attractive individual and potentially have a hot make-out sesh — you're not cuffed!
Another perk of not being in a relationship is that you won't need to buy partner gifts for Valentine's Day, anniversaries, or just because. You can do whatever you want with the money your friends spend on their partners, such as saving it for a better home or taking yourself on a trip. "On many levels, there's mental health benefits of feeling free to drive your life. It's empowering," Bonnie Scott, a therapist who founded Mindful Kindness Counseling, told Insider. Therefore, being the single friend of the group offers empowering perks that should make you feel alive.