What's Ludus Love & How Can You Tell If It's What You're Feeling?
Ludus love is like your hair in the wind; it's like blushed cheeks and celebrations; it's easygoing, fun, and exciting. Not sure what it is yet? It's the type of love that's like a vacation, away from home and responsibilities, a new, exciting adventure free of all commitments, a summer-fling.
The Ancient Greeks knew a great deal about the subject of love — they had Plato, who pretty much has a kind of love in his name, so we can trust the Greeks when it comes to giving our feelings the appropriate labels. And according to them, there are eight types of love, and Ludus is one of them. The word "Ludus" is a Latin word that translates to "game," and that is what Ludus love is all about; it is simply a game. It has the thrill and excitement of a game, the fun, freeing qualities of a game, and finally, the addictive engagement of a game. So, it best describes that crush-like phase in a relationship when everything seems young, fun, and exciting.
Are you in the honeymoon phase?
Ludus love is what we feel at the beginning of a relationship, the so-called honeymoon phase in which you can't escape each other. During this phase, everything is new and exciting, and you might feel as if you're really in love, but you're not. Since it takes time to fall in love with someone, even though it might feel like the real deal, you might just be having a case of Ludus love.
But this doesn't mean Ludus love is the only possible type of love you can feel in this phase. If you're the type to dive right into the emotional stuff in a relationship, you're probably skipping the exclusive Ludus love phase altogether. However, if you pass the exclusively Ludus love era, you might find yourself in the pragma love stage, which is all about commitment. So, if you're feeling the love early on in your relationship, chances are you're feeling Ludus love.
Are you having fun?
Does everything they tell you sound like the most interesting thing ever? Do you find yourself laughing at every joke they crack? Yes, even the terrible ones. Does the flirting never seem to go dry? And are you having fun? If the answer is yes, you're probably experiencing Ludus love. The "not having to think too much" component makes Ludus love so fun and exciting. You don't have to draw up plans on what your future will look like or try to figure out what your partner's red flags are. You can simply enjoy each other's company. It's freeing, it's fun, and it's definitely exciting.
The fun part comes from all the energy you can afford to give at this stage of the relationship; since you don't have to delve into serious topics like marriage and kids, you're allowed to concentrate all your energy on playing around and having fun.
Are you not yet committed?
If you find yourself choking on the words "boyfriend" or "girlfriend," and no matter how much fun you're having with them, if you just haven't committed to them yet, what you're feeling might just be Ludus love.
Nothing seems to be out of bounds in the game that is Ludus love; hence the probability of you getting ghosted is pretty high, but if Ludus love is truly the only thing you're feeling, it won't hurt as much if they decide to leave. This unsure territory of Ludus love makes it all the more electrifying and exciting.
Ludus love is all about living in the present. Making plans for the future and all the other "boring" stuff that comes with commitment is not on the Ludus love agenda. So, if you like them for all the fun and not all the commitment, it's Ludus love you're feeling.
Are you young?
Ah, yes, being young makes everything better, and love is no exception. The passionate and exhilarating feelings of youthful love are what Ludus love is all about. However, this does not mean you're legally required to be young to feel the intoxicating effects of Ludus love. You can be 50 and have your fair share of summer flings, more power to you. But, if you're young, it's much easier to feel Ludus love. Being young, you are likely not burdened with responsibilities, marriage, kids, jobs, or expectations. You're simply looking for a good time, and everything else becomes secondary; when this is the case, Ludus love is second nature.
Young love is passionate, freeing, and the flirting-to-commitment ratios are way off. So, if you're young, it's most likely your relationships begin with Ludus love. And fun, flirty beginnings make fantastic love stories, not always, but at least you know you had some fun!
Are you not the most comfortable around them?
Yes, we're sure you guys have a lot of fun, and the romance levels are probably off the charts, but are you comfortable around them? And we don't only mean the "I can fart around them" kind of relaxed; we're talking about the emotional comfort that long-term partners provide. If the answer is "no," you probably are experiencing Ludus love.
Being your authentic self around a romantic partner and the ability to be vulnerable around them develops with time — it cannot be achieved with Ludus love alone. So, if you can't tell if it's Ludus love you're feeling or pragma love, ask yourself, "Can I cry in front of them?". Emotional vulnerability shows a more profound sense of connection that surpasses the child-like quality of Ludus love.
Furthermore, if you feel like you're not yourself around them and are in that early stage of the relationship where everybody's on their best behavior, Ludus love might just be what you're feeling.
Are you attached and detached at the same time?
Seeing them with someone else will hurt your heart a little bit, but it won't do a lot of damage. If they suddenly stop talking to you, you'll be a bit annoyed, but you won't be furious. This is what we mean when we say you're attached but not quite.
Ludus love is meant to be a game, a play, it's mischievous, and it's neither here nor there; hence you're neither attached nor detached. Since this kind of love has no commitments, emotional connections, nor feelings involved, it isn't easy to find an attachment. And the emptiness you might feel if and once you break it off could be due to your attachment to the fun you had.
So, the next time you find yourself indifferent to your lover leaving you or breaking things off, you can file those feelings under Ludus love.
So, what if it is ludus love?
Ludus love never hurts anybody, so if you feel it, go ahead and enjoy it. This stage of the relationship doesn't last long, so when in this brief period, make sure you're living in the present.
Sadly or not, when feelings of this kind run their course, many end it with that partner and look for Ludus love elsewhere. If you are not looking to settle down in the near future and if serial dating is your forte, falling in and out of Ludus love shouldn't be a problem for you.
The thing about Ludus love is that it's not limited to the initial stages of your relationship. If you want to keep the flirtations going or don't want to let the playful teasing and the romantic games go away, you can integrate them into your long-term relationship. So, now you can have the best of both worlds: an honest and committed connection with someone that's also fun and exciting.