How To Work Through Your Trust Issues In A Brand New Relationship
The beginning of a brand-new relationship is an exciting time. It is filled with novel experiences fueled by the rush of dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin courtesy of our brains set in attraction mode. The increased chemicals result in a feeling of euphoria and bliss, and as we spend more and more time with our new beau, the connection between their presence and our giddiness becomes more reinforced.
However, what happens when instead of experiencing butterflies in your stomach, all you experience is a gnawing sense of anxiety and doubt? Several signs might indicate that you allow trust issues to overshadow your happiness and sink you into a state fraught with uncertainty. For example, are you always assuming the worst and focusing on the negatives? Are you highly suspicious about your partner's intentions or honesty? How about driving yourself crazy trying to read their body language and determine if they are lying?
If you said yes to any of these, then chances are you are also sabotaging yourself and setting up the stage for your relationship's failure. Trust issues can be a significant stumbling block for many relationships and make it hard to navigate through them, especially brand-new ones. Unfortunately, struggling with trust can make it difficult to fully enjoy and embrace the joys of a new romance, sometimes putting an end to it before it has had a chance to grow and blossom.
The reasons behind your trust issues
The term "trust issues" is frequently used to describe the habitual display of distrust in intimate relationships. People with trust issues find it difficult to connect emotionally with others and are always guarding their feelings, expecting to be hurt. However, what causes trust issues?
Many trust issues stem from childhood; our early life experiences and interactions teach us about human relationships. While we are young, we rely on others to be cared for, accepted, and loved. How we are treated during this impressionable stage shapes our future ability to trust others around us. Whether it's parental conflict, neglect, or emotional abuse, our childhood experiences shape who we are as adults.
However, even if we had the perfect childhood growing up, we may still develop trust issues if we experience partner betrayal in our relationships (even if it is outside of cheating). Infidelity is not only heart-wrenching but carries mistrust into future relationships too. Similarly, social rejection defines a person's future attachment styles, and social trauma can give rise to mistrust. Whether you have been hurt in the past, betrayed by loved ones, or carried childhood trauma with you, one thing is evident — people are not genetically predisposed to be wary of others; our life experiences, socialization, and environment make us mistrustful.
Why trust issues can ruin your relationship
The solid foundation of a healthy relationship is trust. Unfortunately, trust issues can shake the relationship to its core. When you struggle with trust, you are inclined to interpret your partner's innocent actions as deceitful. Lack of trust creates a breeding ground for both doubt and self-doubt. As suspicion and jealousy creep in, you might find yourself checking your partner's phone, confirming with acquaintances about their whereabouts, and, in the process, exhausting yourself emotionally and psychologically.
Whenever you bring your trust issues into a brand-new relationship, you inadvertently establish a toxic dynamic leading you and your partner into a state of unhappiness and unfulfillment. This will force your partner to walk on eggshells around you and always be careful to say and do "the right thing" not to upset you, driving them further from you.
Needless to say that trust issues are not only sabotaging the relationship but are pushing your partner into a spiraling pattern of self-fulfilling prophecy; forbid someone from doing something, and they will do exactly what you forbid them to. Too scared that your partner will become emotionally intimate with a third person? Chances are they will seek solace from your toxicity in someone else. Too worried that you are not good enough? Your partner will start seeing you through your own lens.
How to overcome your trust issues
Changing your mindset and the way your past experiences have shaped you is not an easy thing to accomplish. However, it can be done, and there are steps to help you navigate your way toward healing while at the same time nurturing and protecting your brand-new relationship. Choosing therapy suggests that you first start with yourself and focus on self-discovery. What are the root causes of your trust issues? Knowing what drives you to behave the way you do is crucial to change and lovingly allowing yourself to trust again. If you have unresolved childhood trauma, seeking professional help can empower you to let go of the past.
Once you have acknowledged the source of your mistrust, you need to work hard on allowing yourself to take risks. Granted, you are guarding your emotions, protecting yourself from further heartbreak. However, learning to take risks is the only way to start trusting again. Of course, any brand-new relationship risks not working out, but you should be willing to hop on board with an openness and trust mindset.
Communication is also a bulletproof method for avoiding misunderstandings that accentuate mistrust. Be honest with your partner about your trust issues and the reasons behind them. Adequately and openly express your boundaries and state your concerns. Allow your partner to know your potential triggers and ensure they understand what you need to feel safe and secure in the relationship to ensure it is healthy.
How to practice mindfulness in your relationship
Practicing mindfulness in your relationship allows you to be more open, self-aware, and positive. It means purposefully directing your attention away from negative thoughts and encouraging yourself to be more accepting, receptive, and connected to what is happening now instead of dwelling in the past. So, how do you practice mindfulness in your relationship to work through your trust issues?
Self-disclosure and active listening play vital roles in fostering feelings of closeness and intimacy, facilitating the development of trust. The level of acceptance, support, and respect experienced during self-disclosure significantly impacts the depth of connection. Reciprocation in feelings — expressed by actions, not just words — plays a vital role in demonstrating your willingness to make the relationship work by letting go of trust issues. Additionally, cultivating a mindset that attributes positive events within the relationship to your partner's authentic qualities contributes to emotional well-being and promotes mindfulness.
It is difficult to let go of past trauma and start trusting again. However, practicing mindfulness will create a sense of togetherness, allowing the brand-new relationship to flourish without lingering trust issues. Of course, it takes conscious effort and a positive mindset to enter a new relationship leaving past experiences behind. But a relationship with damaged trust can be fixed, and it will pave the way for a fulfilling and authentic connection, allowing the opportunity for personal growth, love, and mutual support.