TikTok-Viral 'Trump Card' Theory Could Be Key To Getting Over A Breakup
There's no better feeling in the world when you're playing a game of cards, and you look at your hand, knowing you're going to win this round because you've got the smoking gun. From low-stakes games like Crazy Eights to tournaments where the stakes are ridiculously high (hello poker), having a winning hand involves having what's known as a trump card, per Vocabulary.com. No, this isn't about presidential politics. A trump card refers to that one particular card that outranks any other card played during the game, ensuring you win that hand.
Now, what if we were to apply the winning power of a trump card to our own romantic lives? That's exactly what TikTok influencer Sam Doll wants us to consider. In her video, which has over 27,000 likes, Doll tells her followers, "Every failing relationship has deal breakers [you] ignore because you're not compatible." Encouraging her followers not to ignore those details, she not only says you should end the relationship, she even goes so far as to say that you can overcome any lingering sadness during that breakup by leveraging the power of your trump card. If you're someone who is torn between strong emotions for your ex and the knowledge that they weren't right for you, Doll's trump card idea might be the salvation you're looking for.
The trump card is similar to recognizing red flags
In her viral video, TikToker Sam Doll describes a romantic relationship her friend is engaged in that has gone sour because he has called her the "R word." So she puts it to her viewers, "Are you gonna end up with someone who calls you that? Are you gonna end up with someone that A). uses that word, B). uses it on you, and C). basically displays his lack of respect?" She says that emotional concerns like great conversations and deep connections shouldn't — ahem — trump your logic here. If he belittles you, calls you names, disrespects, abuses, or cheats on you, she emphatically exclaims, "You will not end up with someone who does that, and that's your trump card."
If you're thinking to yourself that this trump card idea sounds familiar, it's probably because you know it by another name: red flags. Psychotherapist Dr. Annette Nuñez told MindBodyGreen that you know you're encountering a red flag with your romantic partner when something gives "you a funny feeling that something isn't right." In fact, some red flags we encounter could include abuse, whether that be verbal, emotional, mental, or physical, lying, controlling behavior, and your loved ones expressing concern about this person in your life, shares clinical social worker Sharon Martin on Psych Central. This is when our heads should rule our hearts, but using that trump card might be more difficult than we anticipate and there are many reasons why.
Use your trump card in different ways
You should always exercise your trump card and dump your partner when faced with extreme red flags, like gaslighting, lack of communication, or jealousy, Jessica January Behr, Psy.D, tells InStyle. However, while you shouldn't ignore these warning signs, you should still use your trump card in a different way and talk with your partner first. "Let your partner know if their behavior or emotion is unacceptable and unsustainable for you and why," Dr. Behr tells the outlet; because your partner may have a different love language than you, isn't sure of the kind of love you need, or is doing it unintentionally. "Asking questions and sharing your own experience can help," Dr. Behr continues. "Sharing your own vulnerability and interpretations can help your partner to learn about you and to present themselves in a more accurate way."
Plus, we may not use our trump card because of our own insecurities and issues, as per Sharon Martin via Psych Central. In other words, maybe we are infatuated, caught up in wishful thinking, or we don't trust our instincts and are constantly doubting whether these red flags are truly as serious as they seem. Knowing this can help you move beyond the pain and finally know your worth.
If you or someone you know is dealing with domestic abuse, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233. You can also find more information, resources, and support at their website.