What Is A 'Catch And Release' Guy? Our Relationship Expert Defines The Dating Term
Maybe it's just us, but dating crimes appear to be at an all-time high. From the toxic "tuning" dating trend (where all flirting and affection are confined to online spaces) to the "mosting" dating trend (where you're intensely love-bombed before getting ghosted), it can seem impossible to find genuine, long-lasting romantic connections. To make matters worse, there's another new — and nasty — dating term in the singles arena: the "catch and release" approach.
To learn more about this dating term, Glam spoke exclusively to Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking. "A 'catch and release' guy is a guy that comes on strong for the chase but disappears as soon as he hooks you," Trombetti explains. Worse, this can be a one-off behavior or a repetitive theme in your relationship that always comes to nothing. "These guys love the thrill of the chase, and do the work involved to make you fall hard, but as soon as you bite, boom, they are outta here," she adds.
Getting stuck in a "catch and release" scenario wastes time and can even damage your confidence. To avoid these going-nowhere relationships, Trombetti advises romantic vigilance, even with apparent nice guys. "This guy could be mistaken as a narcissist since there are some overlapping behaviors. ... The difference is this guy doesn't always come off as charming and can seem like a normal guy," she tells us. However, there are a few signs you can look out for to avoid this type of guy.
How to tell if he's giving 'catch and release' vibes
So, how can you recognize — and, if possible, avoid — a "catch and release" guy before it's too late? "When it comes to typical red flags, pay close attention," Susan Trombetti exclusively tells Glam, suggesting that there are specific behaviors that a "catch and release" guy might display as he tries to woo you.
First and foremost is a strong sense of attraction that quickly segues into a vanishing act. "They seemed to fall hard for you. Then they are gone once you return an interest in them," explains Trombetti. Similarly, they may project a knight-in-shining-armor aura before abruptly disappearing. These daters can also put pressure on you to commit or put labels on the partnership before they show their true colors. As Trombetti sums up this red flag, "He wants to go exclusive quickly, and then you guessed it: He starts the disappearing act no sooner than you agreed."
If you've already moved into the relationship stage — or even just a situationship — Trombetti predicts that avoidant behaviors will begin to pop up quickly. "He is always pulling back. It's the first step in going AWOL," she says. Or, she adds, he "is noncommittal in his time and then ghosts." Trombetti also warns against a sudden lack of attention or a lack of commitment that shows no intention of improving. These could all be signs that your once-intense flirtation has fizzled out now that the chase is over.
Avoiding a 'catch and release' relationship for something better
Anyone can fall for the heady illusion of an attentive partner, making it tough to dodge the insidious MO of a "catch and release" guy. "Realizing you are in a relationship that is going nowhere fast ... isn't always an easy thing," Susan Trombetti exclusively tells us. That said, there are certain steps you can take, such as establishing "dating rules" for yourself. "It's a general defensive strategy ... that will avoid a lot of missteps in most relationships and aid you in your dating life," Trombetti explains.
As for those dating rules, Trombetti recommends three in particular. First, she advises not to go exclusive too soon. "This will avoid a lot of false starts in relationships across the board and keep you from becoming emotionally involved with Mr. Catch and Release dude." She adds that this is particularly useful advice around the start of a new year, saying, "Most people are off the market with the wrong person. ... Who needs a 'catch and release' guy to keep them from love?"
Next, Trombetti suggests, "Don't ever fall for someone that tries to sweep you off your feet. It's never the right thing. It could be a 'catch and release' guy, a narcissist, or someone looking for a lifeline that has nothing going on." As for tip number three? "When someone stops communicating or goes AWOL, don't even spend your time obsessing about it. Realize you just avoided a disaster. ...This isn't personal. It is on them, not you," Trombetti explains.