5 Things You Should Avoid At Your Wedding If You're An Older Bride

Of all the milestones on society's timeline, marriage is the most rigid. Particularly for women, the narrative dictates that a timely wedding is the most vital piece of the success puzzle, and missing the opportunity to tie the knot in your 20s dooms you to a second-rate day without the sparkle. But the truth, whether we acknowledge it or not, is that there's no perfect time to get married. We might have averages and statistics — 28.6 for women and 30.2 for men, according to 2024 data from the United States Census Bureau — but every person's journey is different. There are many scientific reasons that marriages succeed, but wedding by a certain age isn't one of them. There's no such thing as being "past your prime" as a bride, so there's no reason to dull your shine when you walk down that aisle, no matter how old you are. 

Still, there's a common insecurity among some brides who marry later than they thought they would — namely, that they have to adjust their expectations of their dream wedding. One major mistake to avoid as an older bride is thinking that you're not entitled to a beautiful wedding because of your age. What constitutes ideal nuptials will be different for everyone — some might want the same traditional affair with all the trimmings that they did when they were younger, while others might feel drawn to a more unique bash that resonates with who they've become as they've aged. Staying true to yourself is the way to have a wonderful celebration at any age, and following these guidelines will help you align with what the perfect wedding means to you.

Historically, people did tie the knot when they were younger, with the median age being 20 for women and 23 for men in 1950 (via the National Center for Education Statistics). It doesn't mean it's the best way to go — doctors also use to recommend smoking, don't forget — but that history is why so many of the wedding traditions we still observe today are associated with being "younger." Having your parents walk you down the aisle, for example, might feel strange once you reach a certain age, and we all know what a white wedding dress is supposed to represent. If these age-old conventions feel tired or no longer appropriate, then leave them out. But if they still resonate, don't feel like you have to skip them because of your age.

If you're lucky enough to still have parents that you love and it means a lot to have them walk you down the aisle, then go for it. It can simply be about love, immediate family, and how that evolves as you move through life. Ditto with the white dress; rather than as a symbol of purity, you can wear it because it signifies your status as part of the most important couple in the room. Or you can wear it simply because you like the color. It's your day, no matter your age, and there are no rules. More and more people are proposing without engagement rings, and what's considered "normal" as far as wedding practices go changes all the time.

There's a common misconception that if you're not a "young bride," then the day is less special or meaningful. The actual truth? You're a different person in your 40s or 50s than you were in your 20s, so the wedding you may have dreamed of during those younger years may no longer resonate with you. The takeaway is to avoid following a plan that's been set in stone since you were a kid because things change. 

For example, you might have previously dreamed about having a huge wedding event line-up with the perfect mermaidcore-themed bachelorette party, a reception in June at the Plaza Hotel with a Vera Wang dress, and a honeymoon in the Maldives. But once you're well into adult life, the thought of a boozy bachelorette party might be as off-putting as spending thousands on designer bridal wear (although plenty of celebrities have stunned in Vera Wang wedding dresses) and a far-flung honeymoon destination. The beauty of age is gaining clarity around who you are and your changing priorities, so don't be afraid to let go of old dreams that no longer align. 

Of course, the opposite can be true, too. Maybe you always imagined yourself having a small, intimate wedding because there was no way you could afford anything else in your 20s, but now that you're older and a little more cashed up, many more doors have opened for you. It's not about toning down or dressing up to fit an old dream, but instead planning a wedding that works for where you are right now.

One of the perks of being an older bride is that you've likely gained more confidence than you had when you were younger, along with a better sense of who your people are. One 2018 study published in Psychological Bulletin found that self-esteem tends to reach its height around age 60 and stayed steady through to a person's 70s. Hopefully, that means you've also left the people-pleasing behind. All of this points to the fact that you should definitely avoid a guest list full of people you don't want there. 

An inauthentic guest list has no place at any wedding, really, but it can be trickier to dodge when you're younger. For starters, younger folks are often still figuring out who their friends are or might be yet to gain the confidence to set boundaries with people. If you're getting married at a time when everyone else is getting married, you might also be roped into inviting people you don't want there simply because they invited you. Then, there are the courtesy invites. If you're younger and closer to your parents, you might be under pressure to invite extended, distant family members that you don't know from a bar of soap simply because your parents are more involved in the planning than they'd be if you were older. But tying the knot as an older bride often comes without all those factors. Once you hit your 40s and beyond, no one has time for guests that don't add anything to your day, so make sure you're being thoughtful with curating that list. Your wedding seating chart is prone to mistakes as it is; don't overcomplicate it with guests who shouldn't be there.

To be clear, this is not another way of saying that you can't have the huge, flouncy gown of your dreams as an older bride. Just make sure that OTT dress you have your eye on is actually comfortable. It can be as traditional or quirky as you want, and it can be subtle or extra with a 25-foot train. But you'll regret any dress that you have to wear all day if it's not comfortable. It's especially important to avoid discomfort as an older bride because, respectfully, you've evolved past the self-punishing martyr who spent her 20s freezing in minidresses, fighting off stiletto blisters, and struggling to breathe in cinched-in belts, all in the name of fashion. It's not just in your head: A 2022 study published in Clinical Medicine found that aging can "increase the susceptibility to pain, affect the ability to tolerate pain and the capacity to recover from injury when it occurs." Ouch!

Along with your physical comfort, consider how secure you'll feel within yourself with each dress. As you try on gowns (or pantsuits, or skirts), think about whether you'd really feel like your best self in it on your wedding day. A thigh-high slit might not be the best idea, or it might be perfect for you.

On that note, older brides should also avoid hastily following bridal trends that don't resonate with them. The benefit of being that little bit older, again, is the added confidence and understanding of who you are, so you should get to wear what feels true to you regardless of what's popular. If you fall for a silhouette that all the it-girls are wearing but doesn't represent your personal style at all, you may come to regret it (and you'll have to look at those photos for the rest of your life).

It's understandable if you get sucked into thinking that your wedding is less special or important because you're an older bride. Society has a way of shaming women for everything they do, but particularly for not following pre-designated timelines. The misconception is easy to fall for, but that doesn't make it true. So, on your wedding day — which is absolutely every bit as special as it would have been when you were younger — avoid an apologist's attitude, and lose the insecurity that you've been groomed to feel. Leave behind the tendency to dull your shine. Celebrate yourself for reaching this milestone in timing that was perfect for you, and let everybody else celebrate you as well. 

There are plenty of celebs who got married later in life who will tell you that getting hitched later doesn't automatically lead to an unhappier marriage. In fact, a 2018 survey conducted by Canada's University of Alberta found that people who got married "at the same age as or later than their peers" were happier and had higher self-esteems than people who got married earlier than their peers (via Phys.org). The survey didn't come up with an ideal age to marry since that's constantly changing with our evolving world, but it indicated that there's nothing wrong with tying the knot later than others in your circle — it may even be beneficial. 

"We didn't find that marrying late was negative in terms of future subjective well-being," researcher Matt Johnson noted. "In fact, marrying late was better compared to marrying early." He added that the discrepancy may come down to the impact of early marriage on career and family life: "People who marry early tend not to get as much education, have kids earlier than is optimal, and as a result get locked into careers they hadn't aspired to." The science has spoken, so give yourself permission to enjoy your day the way you deserve.