5 Body Language Habits That People Find Unattractive

When we think about being attractive or unattractive to someone else, we usually focus on looks. Women, in particular, are told that what they look like is closely tied to their value, at least when it comes to finding a partner. Of course, the truth is that so much more goes into being attractive, including personality, chemistry, shared values, and, yes, body language. The way a person carries themselves and sends out non-verbal cues can make or break their level of attractiveness to someone they're interested in. 

For example, 2016 research published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America found that "expansive posture" increases a person's chances of finding success in modern dating, regardless of what they look like. On the flip side, contractive body language, such as crossing your arms, can make you seem like a less-attractive potential date. 

It's not just scientific study participants that are influenced by the power of body language, either — a quick search through social media will bring up endless posts about the real way that non-verbal communication can hinder a date. "Dating is so weird," noted one Threads user. "It's amazing how different interactions can be from texting, to chatting, face to face to even walking beside one another and talking. Body language and really getting a feel for one another can really change your entire perception of someone from one moment to the next." Since body language can turn someone off of you just like that, it's worth knowing which habits — like not being able to look away from your phone or making a sour expression — to avoid.

It's the 2020s, and we use our phones for pretty much everything. But even if that little gadget is your lifeline for work, your social life, and keeping up with the news, a date is not the time to be glued to the screen. In one 2024 Reddit thread where users were discussing what body language is an instant turn-off in a potential romantic partner, one person commented, "[Being] on their f****** phone. nothing makes me more disinterested." Plenty of others agreed, with one Redditor noting that the issue is when you're on your phone "rather than engaging" with your date or potential date. "Distracted by their phone," another commented. "I've walked out on dates because of that."

Clearly, excess cell-phone usage was one of the biggest turn-offs in this particular thread, but another user pointed out that it's not just being distracted that makes you look unattractive. "Having a cell phone shoved in my face against my will to force me into either staring at pictures I don't care about or watching videos of moronic s— instead of having an actual conversation," they wrote. "Instant turn off."

Our phones may be ultra-important to us, but for the hour or so that you're on a date, try to be present and focus on the person opposite you rather than what's on your screen. It's one thing to be tempted to scroll through TikTok when you're on a terrible date, but if the date is going well and your fingers are still itching to tap that screen, it might be a sign that you have a phone addiction.

Something as seemingly insignificant as your facial expression can have a lot of sway in making you seem more or less unattractive, and it's not just the chronically online who think so. A 2022 study from Central Washington University argued that participants perceived female models who looked "angry" or "disgusted" to also be less agreeable and emotionally stable. That perception was purely based on the models' facial expressions. By comparison, male models with the same negative expressions were perceived as being "sad." It's hardly revolutionary: Having an angry or otherwise negative expression can make you more unattractive to potential suitors.

"Cross your arms, adopt a resting b**** face, and don't look at him," one Redditor advised in a thread where the original poster was asking for tips on how to turn someone off with their body language. In another Reddit discussion about how attractive men appear on their dating profiles when they don't smile, someone commented, "When every single photo on a profile was without a smile, yes I swiped left." Meanwhile, in the 2024 thread about instant turn-off body language, someone confirmed, "Crossing of the arms and an uninterested face."

Despite Reddit users not appearing to discriminate between men and women on this front, a 2011 study published in the journal Emotion found that happiness was among the "least attractive" expressions a man could display, while being the "most attractive" on women. So, opinions are divided on whether a smile can really work wonders, especially for men. The best approach? You don't owe anyone a smile, but be aware that scowling and frowning might also work against you if your goal is to gain some romantic attention.

Eye contact is one of the most powerful facets of body language, but getting your staring game right is a fine art. The general consensus across social media seems to be that eye contact is a good thing, and that was confirmed in a 2024 study from Archives of Sexual Behavior, which found that potential dates were more likely to be chosen if they shared eye contact with a participant. "Making eye contact w/ somebody you're into gotta be the most attractive thing ever," one Threads user concurred. However, Redditors have also widely denounced too much eye contact as an instant turn-off.

"I can't think when someone's trying to stare themselves into my soul," one person commented in the 2024 thread about instant body-language turn-offs. "Burning eye contact if I hardly know/trust the person," another agreed. While this might come across as a situation where you're potentially out of luck no matter what you do, it's really just about finding a happy medium. Going out of your way to bore into your date's eyes will probably make you come off as too intense, but at the same time, zero eye contact is widely thought to be equally unattractive. "Depends on the personality and what we're doing," another Redditor added in the 2024 thread. "For instance, at work, I don't need eye contact if we're in the middle of something. On a date, no eye contact would make me think you're disinterested." To find said happy medium, here are our best tips for mastering eye contact and leaving the awkwardness behind.

The 2016 study about the power of expansive posture made it pretty clear that the way you sit and carry yourself can also influence how attractive you appear to others. Social media users are crystal clear on this, with one Redditor explaining that it all boils down to some postures conveying confidence and others conveying insecurity. "If your lack of confidence shows in a bad posture, averted eye contact, hunched poses, etc then this takes away from the inherent beauty that every person has," the user wrote. "If on the other hand you stand up straight, have a good posture with relaxed shoulders and have the friendly facial expressions that come from being confident, then this brings out said beauty."

Writing for Psychology Today, organizational psychology expert Ronald E. Riggio, PhD, confirmed that "slumped shoulders, awkward stance, [and] nervous shifting" can all turn someone off you immediately because they send the signal that you're not confident. "Your body speaks before you do," a Threads user weighed in. "Whether on stage, at a photoshoot, or in a boardroom, your presence shapes how people perceive you. What's one body language habit you've noticed (in yourself or others) that makes or breaks a powerful first impression? ... for me, it's posture. The way someone holds themselves instantly signals confidence or insecurity."

Standing up straight won't magically erase your insecurity, but it can stop you from unknowingly sending the message that you're insecure. If you want to do deeper work on your self-esteem, here are some mindset coach tips for owning your self-confidence to get you started. 

Sorry, everyone whose favorite emoji is the eye roll. In a world where so much calls for rolling your eyes, it's valid, but if we're talking about coming across as attractive or not, unfortunately, the eye roll is on the "not hot" list. In the 2024 Reddit thread about instant body-language turn-offs, a few users called out this kind of behavior, with one listing "rolling eyes" along with "scoffing, sighing," and "dismissive gestures" as being unattractive. "Eye roll. Sighing," another commented.This might also translate to digital communication, with one Threads user remarking, "If the eye-roll emoji is in your top 3 most used, I'm swiping left."

So, what's the big deal with an eye roll? While Redditors find it to be "socially inappropriate" behavior, for others it might signify that you have an attitude, or you're not in the right headspace for dating. "I once dated a guy named Trey," another person explained on Threads. "We were having a disagreement, and I started rolling my eyes ... He stopped me and said, 'Hey, you and I aren't going to talk to each other like that. We can disagree respectfully and actually listen without all of that.'" They added that being checked in that way made them aware of "how much my body language was impacting the conversation."

This advice isn't mean to be conflated with toxic positivity — you're absolutely entitled to all of your emotions and to speak up about them. But in the interest of making the best impression early on in the dating process, calmly talking about issues rather than rolling your eyes is probably the way to go. Now that you know what body language habits to avoid, here are the habits that are the most attractive to potential partners.