Signs You Are Being Love Bombed
When you first hear the term "love bombed," it can bring up mixed reactions. Since the word "love" is in there, it can sound promising, but the word "bombed" is rarely something anyone wants, even if it's related to love. Love bombing can feel amazing at first, but then things go downhill. Really fast.
"Love bombing" has become the label given to the behavior of someone who, shortly after dating a person, overwhelms them with gifts, affection, and over-the-top compliments (via Urban Dictionary). It can feel great having someone so willing to be attentive, but from a psychological standpoint, "love bombing" is a sign of other things, things that can be deemed a bit more sinister.
"Due to numerous recent articles, many individuals are aware that this type of attention may be a sign of manipulation with malevolent intent," Dianne Grande, Ph.D., writes for Psychology Today. "That certainly is a risk, particularly if the love-bomber is a narcissist or even a sociopath. The narcissistic person may be using these gifts and declarations of love as a way to manipulate the receiver. Sociopaths have a history of weaponizing this strategy, with examples dating back to cult leaders of the 1960s (Charles Manson) and 1970s (Jim Jones)."
Charlie Manson and Jim Jones. That says so much right there. So, are you being love bombed? Let's go over the major signs.
You're getting a lot of fancy gifts
First of all, we need to talk about the gifts. If your love language is gifts, then this can feel like a dream (via MindBodyGreen). And, honestly, even if your love language isn't gifts, who doesn't love to be showered with presents left and right?
But when you're being love bombed, these gifts are next level. It's not just a book you love, but it's a limited first edition of a book you love. It's not a necklace from a cart at the mall, but a necklace from Tiffany & Co. — and these types of gifts are constant.
"When your partner gives you gifts that feel over the top, and lets you know how expensive they are, that's a love bomb," licensed family and marriage therapist Kyle Zrenchik, Ph.D., tells Insider. However, the gifts aren't just gifts. They're a way to guilt you into staying with them because they're showering you with the types of gifts you may have never received before from a partner.
You're receiving uber amounts of attention and compliments
Considering how hot and cold people can be in the modern dating world when you meet someone who's super attentive it can feel really good. You've found someone who actually texts you back within a few minutes, instead of playing that game where they wait an hour or two as a means to be cool.
But those texts go from being attentive to a 24/7 situation and can start to feel overwhelming (via Healthline). What was once cute and charming becomes too much to handle when every morning you're waking up to several texts telling you how wonderful and perfect you are. They also tell you, both via text and to your face, that you're the only one for them, that you're soulmates, and they need to be with you all the time (via Cosmopolitan).
Although no one can argue that these things will make most people swoon, they come at a cost, and that cost is simply that they're trying to get their fingers around you with zero intention of letting go — until they're bored and need to love bomb someone else, of course.
You're expected to always be there for them
One of the aspects of love bombing that can wear thin on someone fast is the neediness of the person doing the bombing. Since they're giving you all these gifts and compliments and putting you first in their life (and reminding you of this fact all the time), they expect you to put your life on hold for them. If they text you to meet up, they want you there and no reason will be good enough for them. They're basically emotional vampires (via HelloGiggles).
"Sometimes people are well-intentioned and just very expressive in their affection, or maybe they have codependent tendencies, which drive them to want to spend ample amounts of time with a new love interest," licensed clinical psychologist Elena Welsh, Ph.D., tells Self.
It's when that neediness crosses over into making you feel guilty about not being with them all the time that you can safely assume you have a love bomber on your hands.
You're being smothered
Between the constant communication, the gifts, the compliments, and the neediness, you will naturally reach a point where you feel smothered. Like, no matter what you do, you just can't escape them. And when you do try to put them on the back burner so you have some space and time for yourself and the life you had before them, they get really nasty about it — over-the-top levels of nasty, to go along with everything else that has been over-the-top. The fact that you would even dare to spend time with family and friends when you can be with them is insulting to them, especially since one of their goals is to isolate you from the other people in your life (via The New York Times).
"[They may] threaten to end the relationship, telling you that you don't value the relationship, or, in extreme situations, threaten harm to you, loved ones, or even themselves," therapist Mallory Grimste tells Well + Good. But it's important to realize these types of threats are a way of controlling you and making you feel guilty. The love bomber swept you off your feet and now you owe them; that's how they see it.
Your relationship evolves very quickly
You've been on a couple of dates and then all of sudden you're being introduced to their family and close friends — and they've all heard so much about you! Like, what? "Love bombing goes hard and fast," psychoanalyst Babita Spinelli, L.P., tells MindBodyGreen. "Things will move faster than they should, which is a huge red flag."
Healthy relationships should be taken slowly. There's really no need to meet the parents until both of you have agreed that you're ready. But in the case of a love bomber, even if you say you're not ready, they're going to decide otherwise. It's about them and their needs, not you and your needs. In fact, your needs never cross their mind. "Most love bombers are doing it unintentionally, or are at least in denial or rationalizing their behavior," relationship therapist Lia Huynh, M.S., tells Verywell Health.
What this means is if you tell the person you're dating that you're leaving them because you no longer want to be loved bombed, they're likely to look at you like you're crazy. Gaslighting is part of their repertoire, after all. Instead of pointing it out, just stop seeing them. Yes, they'll make it difficult, make threats, and be really mean about it, but remind yourself that this is because they lost at their own game. Most love bombers come in fast, woo, then leave anyway. So beat them to the punch. There are so many fish in the sea who don't need to love bomb to win someone's heart — and that's the kind of person you want to date.