What Does It Mean To Be Benching Someone You're Dating?

If you are currently in the dating scene you know how harsh and unforgiving it can be. It takes a mixture of confidence, courage, and intelligence to make it out unscathed — not to mention all of the mixed signals given off by potential significant others. Once you've gone on a date or two, the guessing game for where you stand with that person can be brutal. Are you and the person you're dating in a situationship? Have you been ghosted by said person? Are you being breadcrumbed? Are you doing the breadcrumbing? 


With so many terms for getting out of a date, you'd think we'd have maxed out in that category. It's no wonder couples mark "it's complicated" more times than not, with the Pew Research Center even finding that dating is harder than ever for many in the U.S. Many people these days find it hard to find someone who truly gets them. This may make it difficult to commit to just one person, so it's no wonder people are dating around to find their one true soul mate. 

What is benching?

So, are you benching the person you're dating? If you believe that you're not into the person you're dating enough to make a commitment but don't necessarily hate hanging out with them, you may be a bencher. Women's Health defines benching as something similar to being benched on a sports team. The person doing the benching keeps you on the team but not necessarily in the starting line-up. A person who sits the bench is still on the team, and there is always the hope that they will make it into the game. Hope in the dating world can cause things to get messy.


Many feel benching is just a new name for an old-school way of playing games. What's more, according to New York Mag, benching is actually worse than ghosting. With ghosting, someone doesn't show up and you move on with your life. With benching, they don't show up but leave trails of texts stringing you along. It feels like a poor way to treat someone, and if you're keeping the people you're dating on standby, are inconsistent in your communication, and are texting them at odd times, you may be the definition of a new dating term (via iDiva).

How to know if you're benching

If you are into a person you've started seeing but you don't really desire to take your relationship to the next level, make sure you're honest with them instead of leading them on. Stringing them along with texts or promises of dates that never come to fruition is just cruel (via The Times of India). If you aren't interested in anything serious, let them know. They may feel the same way, and then no feelings get hurt in the process, per Meet Mindful.


In turn, if you feel like you've been led on via text or emails but you never really do get to hang out with the person you're dating, you may be being benched. Your best bet in this scenario is to sever ties with this person. If they aren't there for you when things are light and new, they won't be there for you when times get hard, according to The Times of India. It's time to put yourself first and be open about your expectations for your relationship. You deserve that much.