Issues That May Be Preventing You From Finding Lasting Female Friendships

Most girls, teens, and even young women operate within a close-knit group of girlfriends until adult milestones like marriage and parenthood arrive. For many, by the time they feel they can breathe again, their original friends have moved on, and new ones seem much more difficult to come by. A 2020 study published in Personalities and Individual Differences reveals that this is due to the fact that adults struggle more to trust new social contacts than younger individuals do, and this is especially true for women.

According to Harvard Business Review, the absence of a close group of female friends might even be what's standing between you and the next level of professional success. In a study of Harvard MBAs seeking executive positions, the male candidates were successful as long as they were central in the student network, regardless of the gender of their contacts. Women, however, were only successful in landing comparable positions if they were central in the student network and were associated with a close network of female contacts. It appears that women need other women to break through the societal limitations they face in high-profile positions. If you're struggling to identify why you're having trouble making genuine, long-lasting connections with other women here is your guide. 

The way a woman feels about other women is often dictated by her early experiences with her mother, as detailed by Psychology Today. If you grew up feeling unloved, rejected, betrayed, or unsafe at the hands of your mother, you might find that you now struggle to feel trusting of other women as an adult. This can manifest in different ways for different women. One might find herself feeling guarded or standoffish when approached by other women, while another might engage in people-pleasing tendencies and come off as over-eager in her interactions.

Healing mother wounds takes time, energy, and commitment. You may wish to seek professional help in the form of a traditional therapist or an alternative healing practitioner. If you prefer to work through these types of issues all on your own, consider starting with learning about the process of reparenting yourself (via The Holistic Psychologist). 

Comparison is the truly the thief of joy when it comes to your female friendships. Because women have historically been valued by society largely based on superficial facets such as their attractiveness to men, feelings of insecurity are rampant. This is especially true surrounding body image, as detailed by Vox. The phenomenon that can go both ways. You might find yourself looking at your friends' bodies or faces in a way that starts out as admiration but ends in simmering feelings of envy and inadequacy. Or, you might feel the eyes of your female friends on you and then observe how their behavior toward you changes.

There are ways to minimize the frequency of comparison that takes place between you and your friends. Avoid asking for opinions on your clothing or makeup. While you may have pure intentions when asking these questions, they will undoubtedly draw attention to your face or body and open the door for comparisons. When a female friend asks these questions, simply tell her she looks great and quickly change the topic. Be careful with your choices when consuming social media content as well and ask yourself if certain creators or aesthetics trigger your insecurities.